A good article in which Bert articulates his development of the work. Link
is below; have attached article and also put it here in the body of the
message. all the best, sheila
http://www.odemagazine.com/article.php?aID=4387
Our families, our selves
Send this article to a friend.
by Tijn Touber
This article appeared in Ode issue: 39 Dec. 2006
Psychology and personal-growth movements are making a huge mistaek, says
German therapist Bert Hellinger, in focusing on the individual over the
family.
Spiritual growth and consciousness-raising have become nearly synonymous
with individualism. Our isolated selves, not our families, are the focus of
a flood of personal-growth workshops. The message is, Im okay, youre
okay. But one man in a small Bavarian village thinks this misses the point.
For Bert Hellinger, one of the most innovative psychotherapists of our time,
happiness starts with the family. Someone can only be happy if hes living
in peace and love with his fellow human beings, he says.
My trip to Hellingers house takes on the feel of a pilgrimage, in which
some sacrifice is necessary. The rain pounds ceaselessly on the roof of my
tiny rental car and the heat refuses to work, causing the windows to fog
constantly. On top of this, Hellingers agents had warned me that he was
almost certainly too busy for an interview.
All this enhanced my sense of satisfaction when I finally reached the tiny
town of Mitterfelden along the German-Austrian border and received
Hellingers warm greeting. Its likely no one in Mitterfelden knows that one
of its residents is a man who is singlehandedly affecting the course of
psychotherapy with his family constellation therapy. The term
Hellingermania has been coined to explain his influence. But not in
Mitterfelden. Hellinger himself appears indifferent to his worldwide
reputation. He has no particular plans or mission. He allows himself to be
guided by what life throws his way. Currently, that involves travelling to
Sweden, Japan, China, Russia, Korea, Thailand and other countries where his
ideas are still unknown.
The former priest and one-time Gestalt therapist is young for his 76 years.
He speaks with a noteworthy kindness and softness, without wasted words.
Its as if he sees, hears and feels things that to many remain hidden.
According to Hellinger, most people get entangled in everything around them.
What is it that so often propels people down the road to disaster and
destruction? he has always asked himself. What forces drive us to violence,
depression and compulsive behaviour?
Hellinger has found the answers to these questions close to home: in the
family. There, dynamics are at play that appear to subtly dominate family
members. To make these forces visible, he designed the family
constellation, a role-playing process with people who represent family
members and perform their parts as the client watches. As a therapist,
Hellinger does little more than open himself up to what happenshe calls it
movements of the souloffering a helping hand here and there so that the
game can unfold.
The fascinating thing is that the players are only substitutes for the
real family members but in playing the role of grandmother, grandfather or
granddaughter, they appear to have access to the feelings of those whose
role theyre playing. They think and behave in the spirit of the family
member, prompting the family dynamic to come alive before the eyes of the
person who is observing his or her own life as a spectator. Problems become
visible, opening the door to healing. The fact that Grandpa was a Nazi
collaborator during the war, for instance, is no longer kept under wraps:
Grandpa is embraced and he once again belongs to the family. The effect on
everyone is tangible and visible: The grandson no longer unconsciously feels
he must pay for his grandfathers mistakes. Harmony is restored and everyone
can rediscover his or her natural place in the constellation. Afterward, the
observer character feels liberated from the burden he or she has been
carrying.
Hellinger explains his groundbreaking work this way: The idea for the
family constellations came about after I spent six years observing peoples
conscience. I discovered that people are most plagued by guilt if theyve
done something that threatens their association with the group. Their guilty
conscience drives them to do everything they can to change the situation so
they belong again. In this context, therefore, innocence is nothing more
than the feeling that youre accepted by your group, that you belong. And
guilt is the feeling that youve forfeited your membership in the group.
This insight is the foundation of my work.
I saw a kind of conscience: a collective conscience. This unconscious
conscience is often at odds with our individual conscience and becomes
visible in the group dynamic of family constellations. The collective
conscience does not discriminate between good and bad. For example, based on
your individual conscience you can be excluded from a family if you have
betrayed someone, robbed them or worse. However, the collective conscience
wont tolerate shutting someone out of the family. So what happens is that a
family member of a subsequent generation takes on the blame under the
influence of the collective conscience and repeats the action. This family
member strongly identifies him- or herself with the family member who was
shut out, forgotten or rebuffed. Much of what leads to illness, suicide or
serious accidents is the result of the fact that an innocent family member
unconsciously takes the place of a guilty one and takes on his fate. Its
really about an attempt to restore balance to the collective conscience.
Unfortunately, it doesnt work. It resolves nothing. The only thing that
happens is that the action continues to be repeatedfrom generation to
generation. The family tragedies that result are due to a conflict between
the individual and collective conscience. Looking at family constellations
enables this area of tension to be resolved.
An example: Imagine that Grandma dies in childbirth. This often creates so
much suffering and fear in the family that its members would rather forget
her. Two or three generations later, a family membersuch as a
granddaughtermay develop an uncontrollable urge to commit suicide. When I
do a family constellation for this woman, I ask her to intuitively position
a number of people in the room. By doing this, without thinking too much
about it, she is connecting to a much bigger field, the collective
conscience. What you often see is that everyone is looking in the same
direction. I know from experience that theyre looking towards someone who
is missing, to a family member who was shut out. When I put someone in that
space, it provides a tremendous sense of relief. Particularly among those
who want to kill themselves. The woman feels a strong pull towards her
grandmother, a bond of love, and embraces her. I then ask her to make it
clear to Grandma, in her own words, that she is accepted. This allows the
grandmother to take back her place in the family so her granddaughter no
longer has to, and thus restores the balance. I then ask the deceased
grandmother to bless her granddaughter and tell her that its good that she
lives on and that she can take her own place in the family. This breaks the
entanglement and sets both free.
Is it really so simple? Dont strong emotions like these need to be
experienced rather than just observed? Shouldnt the case be thoroughly
analyzed and understood? Shouldnt there be lots of crying? Hellinger thinks
not. Healing takes placebeyond reason and emotionon the level of the soul.
All the personal details are on another level and are therefore less
important. In fact, Hellinger isnt interested in his clients feelings at
all. Its not out of a lack of concern. He doesnt want to cloud the issue.
Hellinger only wants the facts: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Has anyone in the family died? Are there particular secrets: abortions,
alcoholism, accidents or other tragedies?
To me its about the larger context; I want to be able to see the entire
constellation. I also see those who are not present. The less emotional
information I have, the better. It makes me more open to what presents
itself. Only if I remain unbiased can I say what I see, with no fear of
consequences. The only thing I do is to remain quiet and attentive. Even the
intention of wanting to help gets in the way. Its only about
attentionstanding still without moving, staying fully with yourself. It
means you can be carried by the forces of the field. It requires complete
reserve on the part of the therapist. No desire to solve, nor intervene.
This attention brings you in touch with the movements of the soul. You see
it in the constellations: The substitutes make movements and say things they
cant control.
Hellinger calls himself a phenomenologist. He doesnt speak of theories and
proof. He only verifies that family constellations work. Is this something
like synchronicity, morphogenetic fields or quantum theory? He shrugs his
shoulders. Its not that he hasnt thought about it, but he doesnt want to
turn his therapy into a doctrine. No dogmas; no school. He describes what he
sees and the effects it has. End of story.
I can imagine that particular types of therapy are needed to enable people
to unload their feelings. But when someone is caught in the fate of others,
thats not enough. I see time and time again that someone is bound by
something larger that comes to light during the family constellations. And
when I say family I dont just mean blood relations, but everyone who
falls into the collective conscience. That could include relations by
marriage or people who have made room for current family members, such as
our parents former partners. Also included are people who the family may
have trampled on during their climb to the top. In America you see it with
the slaves. When they are not honoured, they continue to have an influence
on the family.
Time and time again we see that the guilt perpetrators feel is much heavier
than their victims pain. In Mexico I once did a constellation with children
of war casualties. They felt tremendous anger towards the perpetrators, who
said during the constellation: If you stay angry at us, we become stronger
and stronger and nothing can change. When the children showed empathy
towards the perpetrators, they became very soft. They turned towards the
victims and became, as it were, one with them. Good and evil, perpetrator
and victim no longer existed.
For Hellinger, this process of making things whole is very different from
fulfilling individualized needs or desires. He is not interested in
spiritual seekers who abandon their families to seek enlightenment on a
mountaintop in India. The individual is only himself when a place has been
found within him for those who belong to him. That starts with the parents.
Anyone who rejects his parents cant ever come to terms with himself. How
can he be happy when hes excluding a huge part of himself? We are our
parents. We can take great pains to develop ourselves but if we cant
embrace our parents in our hearts and honour them, theres no room in our
hearts and we become depressed. And thats just the beginning. Not only do
you need to give your family a place in your heart, but also the members
of past generationsincluding the ones who were despised, cursed or
forgotten, like children who died young or were aborted.
Only when all of them have a place do we feel complete. Only when you can
embrace others in your heart are you free of them. Not a moment sooner.
Otherwise they will not let you rest and will constantly get in your way. In
this context, the big spiritual word completeness takes on a very simple
meaning. I am complete when I have given everyone a place. When we are able
to allow others into our heartthat is true spiritualitythen we feel equal
to them. Not higher or better, not lower or less. Complete equality. This
breaks through the limits of the personal and collective conscience. Jews,
Christians, Muslims
it no longer matters. All different, all equal. This is
reconciliation and only then can there be peace.
Letters to the editor:
Raven Dana (Euclid, Ohio)
What an excellent article. As a life coach with a background in Gestalt I
have come to discover the truth of Hellinger's words through my daily
interactions with my clients. I find that it is true that we must get past
the idea that we can (or should) exist without the ongoing intimacy with
others, and that we fail at being happy to the degree that we repeatedly get
in our own way by refusing to embrace those whom we have refused to forgive
or accept. In rejecting another, we disown ourselves as well. Thank you for
this article.
Catherine VanWetter, MSW (Corvallis)
What an excellent article. I have had the great privilege to be trained as a
systemic family constellation facilitator, and I have been continuously
amazed at how sacred, powerful, profound and subtle this work is. The
testimonials I've received from clients, who I have worked with, are filled
with tremendous gratitude with how their "place" within their family system
has shifted, as well as other family members who were not even present
during the constellation. The truth does set us free, allowing us to live an
unencumbered life. Everyone has their place.
rebecca scmidt (Milwaukee)
Sue Bronson (a dear friend after connection through her work) of New
Prospects Counseling is a facilitator of Family Constellation in Milwaukee
WI. She also brings other reputable facilitators from across the country and
abroad to New Prospects. A wonderful way to find presence and inner peace.
Sheila Saunders, RN, LMFT www.systemicfamilysolutions.com
2007 US Conference on Systemic Constellations www.constellationsusa.com
PO Box 1011 Weaverville, North Carolina 28787
828-273-5015
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