Annette and Max,
Thanks for your thoughts on this topic. I am currently working with two
adolescent "bullies" who are both demonstrating the dynamic that you write
about. One is in a position of leadership in a neo-Nazi group. He "hates
everyone" that is not a part of his group. When I asked him about the
benefits to
him of these beliefs and feelings, he clearly articulated how his needs for
belonging and a position of social importance are being met in this group.
But
he did this with very low level of awareness of these as needs. He had a
hard time with the idea that his hatred was not the opposite of love, but
directly linked to it. He seems to grasp that his desire to protect and
promote
his own group is related to his hatred of the "others." He also seemed to
grasp that his energy is also creating the hatred from the "others" that he is
feeling the need to defend against. I am hoping that validating his need for
belonging and looking on the many benefits he is deriving from this position
with understanding and acceptance for the need will have a softening effect.
It has been difficult for me as my first impulse is to fight against his
hatred. (While I consciously know that "hatred never ceases through hatred,
but by love alone is healed.")
I also encouraged this boy to investigate how this behavior might fit
somewhere in his family history. The next week he reported that he found out
that
his paternal grandfather was the only survivor of his family who were Jewish
and all killed by the Nazis. His mother's family is Hungarian and his father
hinted that he believes there is a strong connection with victim/perpetrator
fate in her family as well.
Annette, I would love to read what you wrote about the bullying dynamic and
how it was received by the kids.
All the best,
Don
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