RE: [ConstellationTalk] Digest Number 532
- From: "sheila saunders" <peacefulcentre@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 29 Jan 2006 03:20:48 +0000
The question was, should he honor his mother's request not to contact her again. I say, of course! Not because she is his mother, but because she asked that he not contact her again. In my mind that is quite straightforward. As for contacting his siblings, he can make up his own mind on that. He's a grown man. And I don't see any of that as advice, but rather a statement of reality for one that is understandably confused by his own strong emotions and unable to see clearly what is there. He can take his place in the family as the 6th and accept the life he was given at the price that his mother and father paid and at the price that it cost him. And he can turn from facing his mother with his request of "more, please" and turn towards his life with what he was given. With gratitude towards his mother and father for life, and to
his adoptive parents who helped him survive. I sense a vein of disrespect and disregard for the mother and feel that a more helpful attitude towards the mother might be, your decisions and their consequences are yours, a part of your fate and your dignity; I make the decisions in my life and I carry the consequences of them. The mother owes him nothing. It seems to me that he is neither lost nor a secret if he knows his place and stands in it. The family soul will recognize that he is in his place, so no need to balance.
I love reading all your responses and seeing the names of those I know and love and have such respect for. Greetings!! xsheila
Sheila Saunders, RN, MFT
Systemic Family Solutions
sheila@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
www.systemicfamilysolutions.com
PO Box 2467
Fairview, NC. 28730
828-273-5015
Message: 2
Date: Fri, 27 Jan 2006 19:52:59 -0500
From: "Dan Booth Cohen" <
danbcohen@xxxxxxx>
Subject: Adoption Question
A former client asked me a question which I am passing along to the group.
He is in his late 30s, living in a remote small city in the Great Plains
area of the northwestern United States. His mother was married with 5
children when she became pregnant after a one-night stand with an interstate
truck driver.
She concealed the pregnancy and gave him up for adoption at
birth. We did a Constellation about 2 years ago, which was very intense.
He reports it had a strong and positive impact on him.
About 10 years ago he obtained the name of his mother through the adoption
agency and telephoned her. They spoke for a while. The mother never saw
his father again and knows nothing of his whereabouts. She was apologetic
and asked him not to contact her again.
He asked me whether he should accept his mother's request to have no further
contact. I sat with the question overnight. My response was to ask him a
series of questions: What will you do when you read her obituary in the
local newspaper? Do you go to the funeral? After she dies, can you
respectfully contact your siblings? If
yes, must you wait until she dies
before doing so?
I do not have good answers for these questions. One concern is that to the
siblings, he is the excluded one. It would not surprise me if one of them
is suffering on his behalf.
Can anyone share your reflections on the systemic relationship between these
half-siblings? What is a good course of action in these situations?
I will share your responses with this man.
Thanks again for all.
Dan
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