""In family constellations it is very improtant that the therapist has no
compassion with those who were guilty."
John:
I really have great difficuly with this sentence and I've personally witnessed
Bert Hellinger being rather harsh with people, especially women in my
observation. The guilty have a burden to carry and I believe that we can only
assit them in facing and carrying their guilt if we centred in our hearts. The
vast majority of women I have worked with that have given a child up for
adoption were between 16 and 18 yrs old at the time and did so under duress
from their own parents.
I have also done constellations for paedophiles, they have been some of the
most deeply moving constellations that I have ever had the honour and
priviledge of facilitating, this sentence from Bert has no place with me at
all. For me, all guilt is built on pain and grief, therefore compassion is the
only valid response.
Compassion does not let people off the hook, it simply enables them to feel
safe and courageous enough to really and truly face the consequences of their
actions. When taken literally, the admonition to have no compassion for the
guilty simply reeks of an eye for eye mentality and when do that, we simply end
up with the blind leading the blind. Also, I don't see pity as a particularly
empowering stance towards a child, doesn't deep respect for their fate together
with compassion provide the real support?
some thoughts,
John
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