Hello Nancy,
Placement of the 'father/husband' to the right of the 'mother/wife' is
ultimately the most appropriate soul-level placement. It is a placement that
often raises concerns about patriarchal associations and can be misunderstood
if not taken in a broader view. Sometimes we think that the position that
comes 'first' is therefore the 'most important', and of course: every position
is of equal importance.
Many people refer to the position on 'the right' as the breadwinner, but I
prefer to look at it as the position of 'strength', where strength is used in a
structural sense. Without structure/strength, love/softness has no form - no
place to be held. Think about a glass of water where love is the water:
without a structure water just flows everywhere and may not reach the mouth for
that life-sustaining drink.
For me, Constellation work around this male/female positioning mirrors some
indigenous/shamanic approaches that women channel love from the Divine/God/the
Field/Source, and men provide the structure/stability, often drawn from the
strength of the physical world, from the Earth, for that love to be channelled.
Both still access the love (a man's grounded, earthy love and a woman's more
ethereal love) and share with each other and with their family, but when a
woman is able to channel love from the Source and a man provides the space for
that love and is able to reflect that love, then the children 'see' the mother
and the father clearly and, more importantly, see the love. This is the basis
of a 'functional' family.
I use the following story as an example: Imagine that you were choosing to live
or visit the depths of the ocean - somewhere really quite distant from your
normal environment (on the surface of the earth, breathing air at normal
pressure). In order to survive at the bottom of the ocean, we take on a
pressure suit or vehicle to protect us from the elements and we need an air
hose providing us with oxygen. When you are visiting the bottom of the ocean,
which is more important: the hose that provides the structure for the oxygen to
be delivered, or the oxygen that is transferred through the hose without being
dispersed without form into the air and the water? Without the hose, there is
no oxygen, without the oxygen there is no use for the hose. Now extend that
image to us as loving soul beings. We choose to come into this physical
existence, but we need that constant supply of pure love. We take on these
bodies as a way of surviving in this 'hostile environment' but we still need
access to love.
Now extend that to family systems. Someone in the Family System has to channel
the love from the Divine, and someone in the Family System has to provide the
structure, connected to the Divine, for that love to be channelled. It seems
to work 'easiest' when men take the structure role and women take the
channelling role.
Of course, when one can't be present in the preferred role, then the other will
take up both roles. But that generally means that neither role is fully
expressed. When a woman has to 'be strong for the family', she may tend to not
be able to channel the love as easily or as fully. When a man has to take on
the channelling love role, he may tend to lose his sense of structure within
the world.
Therefore, you will often see a pattern where the men have not been able to be
present for the family and hence can't provide the 'structure' and the women of
that family then become strong women. The children of that family learn/see
that as the standard pattern and it repeats through subsequent generations in
different forms. The reason the men were not present are many: death, not able
to accept (or not knowing of) a pregnancy, etc. As that passes down through
the generations you find men that don't (or won't or can't) have the 'strength'
to stand in their position within the relationship, and women who feel they
must stand in the position of strength. This is where bringing in the line of
men behind the man (fathers, grandfathers, etc) until you get a man who is
willing and happy to stand lovingly in the position of strength, and a line of
women behind the woman (mothers, grandmothers, etc) until you find the woman
able to stand lovingly and strongly in her position. And sometimes you have to
turn the 'key' couple to 'see' each other in their 'correct' position.
When you look at the history of the family you will find early deaths through
wars and accidents, death in childbirth, death through illness, or simple
abandonment of a family as many triggers for the initial need for a man to be
'not present' and for the woman of that family to 'be strong'.
So, when you find a client positioning the woman in the 'right' position and
the man in the 'left', you will need to see where there can be the resources
for each to stand in the 'correct' position. And when you listen to the family
story you will often find a history of 'men not being present' and 'women
having to be strong', often on both sides of the family behind the client.
This approach (position of 'strength/structure' and position of
'love/softness') works for gay and lesbian couples as well and takes away all
sense of a patriarchal approach. It also allows for women to be the
"breadwinner" in a family without negating the need for the "man" to be the
structure and the "woman" to be the love.
I also feel there is something in this approach that also allows for men to
channel that Divine love directly but usually not in the family context - I am
still investigating this ;-)
Naturally, simply placing couples in the 'correct' position will not
necessarily find a solution - but then, that is not what Constellation work is
about. Allowing for an awareness of another option often allows for an
ultimate movement of the soul.
Love and Light,
Suzy
Suzanne Butz
30 Browley Street
Moss Vale NSW 2577
Australia
02 4869 4659
0412 555 141
www.suzannebutz.com
On 30/04/2011, at 9:07 AM, Nancy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
Dear ConstellationTalk group,
I really enjoy receiving and reading all the e-mails on various subjects.
I am currently taking Francesca Boring's training courses. A question I have
about "placement of the family souls" is of interest to me.
For people who have participated or conducted constellation workshops in
different parts of the world, is it common to find that the system feels
balanced when men are placed to the right of women? Is this placement
"universal" regardless of culture or history?
In what circumstances do you find that women (mother) are placed to the right
of the men (father) by seekers?
In my own constellation, I noticed that I placed both of my grandmothers to the
right of my grandfathers. One grandma survived by her husband for more than 40
years. Another grandma separated from her husband in the war for many years and
also survived by her husband for more than 40 year. They all lived in China and
Taiwan.
When I do individual constellations using paper dolls, I noticed that many
clients also place the women to the right of men.
Your response to this question is highly appreciated!
Thank you kindly,
Nancy
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