All you techies out there--HELP! Now I'm told I must burn a CD first, then
return the file/movie to my computer and upload it from there. So now I cannot
burn the CD. Yikes.
lizjelinek@xxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks, Liz
SO HERE'S THE SCRIPT! HOPE THAT AT LEAST HELPS ALL OF YOU WHO WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT BOWING TO SHAME. I promise--I will upload the DVD, or whatever in the
very immediate future. Fondly, Liz
Narrator:
The following is a recreation of a constellation exercise by Dr. Chris Walsh,
an internationally-known psychiatrist and constellation trainer from Australia,
at the North American Constellations Summer Intensive, sponsored by Dr. Ed
Lynch, Director of the New England Institute of Systemic Constellations. The
dolls are from Liz Jelinek’s international doll collection and represent the
participants at the workshop. Liz is playing herself and the part of the
facilitator Dr. Chris Walsh is being represented by Jane Maclaren.
Leader:
Great Spirit, Creator and Guardian of the holding field,
We ask that you be here with us today
As we travel the road of providence
To bring healing to all those who are present,
And to the ancestors who have gone before us.
Facilitator:
With humiliation we get stuck. With humbleness we get up—from the ground. The
mind goes blank when shamed—so accessing shame is a tool to reconnect with the
traumatic experiences in our lives.
And so when we bow to the fate that a person in our life has had, and when we
let go of judgments, projections and blame, we can let go of the separating
mind and reconnect through true love and compassion.
With shame, the mind goes blank—so accessing shame is a tool to reconnect with
the traumatic experiences of our lives. And when we bow to the fate that a
person in our lives has experienced, and we let go of judgment, projections and
blame, we can let go of the separating mind and reconnect through true love and
compassion.
Bowing is a movement back into self that precedes a genuine encounter with
another. This is the connection between humility and shame. Shame results from
an interruption or a rejection, or disapproval from another.
But shame has an evolutionary survival value as well, because shamelessness is
a danger to both ourselves and others. Some people develop dysfunctional ways
of dealing with shame—some by behaving aggressively, or by attacking, or
blaming another. Others avoid the feelings altogether by retreating into
shamelessness—often involving the use of alcohol or drugs.
However, if we develop a healthy relationship with shame, then instead of
fighting, or criticizing ourselves or others, we recognize shame as a natural
mechanism that slows us down. Bowing in a constellation is an important key to
understanding—so we bow to fate, or to the fate of another.
This generally has a significant effect on the recipient. If the bow is
explored mindfully, the bow can be felt completely, along with any resistances.
Then the bow can go as deep as necessary—and can be felt internally or
expressed externally. It is in the bow that we really meet ourselves!
As we come out of the bow, both the bower and the recipient are changed, and a
new situation is created—usually with a more satisfactory contact between the
people involved. Or, at least the bower will have a better understanding of the
reality of the situation, or the person to whom she/he has bowed.
It is through this that a healthy relationship with shame develops that gives
us good timing and flexibility in our responses, and a natural, dignified
humility—a humility that allows us to let go of ego attachments, while still
maintaining a place for healthy pride—and bowing in a constellation is an
important key to understanding this.
Facilitator:
Does anyone have someone they’d be willing to bow to as a demonstration?
Client:
Oh my god, Yuk! (Client makes an ugly face.)
Facilitator:
That looks like and sounds like a constellation to me. Are you willing to
demonstrate bowing?
Client:
To whom?
Facilitator:
Who is the face about?
Client:
My mother, I guess.
Facilitator:
Are you willing to bow to your mother?
Client:
That’s not an easy request.
Facilitator:
Are you?
Client:
I guess so.
Facilitator:
Are there any shaming experiences you can think of in your family? Did anyone
have a handicap? Or mental illness?
Client:
My mother had polio when she was a child and her mother hid her—she wasn’t
allowed to go to school with her brothers and sister.
Facilitator:
Will you choose two representatives—one for your mother and the other for your
grandmother.
Client:
(Client chooses the two representatives, then sits back down next to the
facilitator.)
Facilitator:
I see that your grandmother is facing away from your mother and your mother is
looking at her back.
Client:
Yes, they didn’t have a great relationship. My grandmother lived with us since
before I was born.
Facilitator:
Can you walk over and face your mother?
Client:
That’s scary.
Facilitator:
Mother, can you turn and face your daughter? (Representative for mother turns.)
Can you bow to your mother’s fate? She had a hard life. She suffered from a
debilitating childhood disease. Then her mother kept her from going to school.
She must have felt shame and humiliation.
Client:
(Stifling tears, begins to lower head to mother.)
Facilitator:
Is that as far down as you can go?
Client:
This is really hard. (Client is crying softly now.) (She lowers head further
until she finally is almost bent over towards her mother.)
Facilitator:
Just stay as long as you can and feel the feelings you are having. Notice
anywhere in your body that you are feeling anything.
Client:
(Client is crying hard now and is still bent over.)
Facilitator:
When you are ready you can begin to come back up out of the bow.
Client:
(Client slowly returns to a standing position. Tears are flowing down her
cheeks.)
Facilitator:
How are you?
Client:
(Long pause, as client looks at the representative of her mother, tears still
falling.) I see her differently now.
…THE END…
Enjoy! Film/video to follow--SOON! LIZ
