I have thought a lot about this fascinating thread, with such a variety of
valid perspectives, and today I am particularly trying to decide if I agree
with your analysis of the problem, Dan. It has surprised me in the past
when you suggested that the reason we have such a tough time filling our
workshops here in the U.S. is because people don't like to represent. On
the surface, at least, this idea goes contrary to my experience as a
facilitator. My workshops are always small (unfortunately, due to the
nearly universal problem you are referring to) and so all the participants
do a lot of representing, for better or for worse. At the end of the day
they may be exhausted, but there is a deep, palpable sense of communion
with the other participants. No one wants to leave because they feel so
bonded! If you asked them, they would tell you that the experience of
representing was extraordinarily powerful and growthful for them, that it
was a profound time of feeling the essential oneness of all humanity, that
it increased their compassion, and was absolutely worthwhile...even if they
didn't set up their own constellation. A very, very positive spiritual
impact. Because of this consistent response, I can't even imagine going to
exclusively one-on-one work.
I think the reason everyone doesn't return with a friend, thereby
increasing the size of my workshops so they're not quite so hard on the
reps (!) has to do with a perception summed up in four words: "I don't need
it." Like great, dramatic films and literature, constellation work feeds
the soul, but most of us prioritize just about every other activity before
the feeding of our souls. To spend a whole day doing so feels like such a
luxury...an unamerican luxury. And probably, secretly, most people are a
bit afraid of the powerful emotions they experienced last time, even though
they actually loved the workshop.
I asked my husband why he doesn't attend more of my workshops, even though
he absolutely supports and values my work, and he's still mulling over his
answer! But he feels for many people it is this: in constellation
workshops people are asked to trust an experience that is so outside the
box, so beyond anything they've ever known, that they begin to second-guess
themselves afterwards: " Was I really feeling the feelings of a person who
lived 100 years ago? How is that possible? I think I was just feeling my
own stuff. How humiliating. I'd better not do this again, so I don't feel
like an impostor."
So as someone who doesn't want to give up facilitating this work in a group
setting, I am left puzzling about what to do with all this.
Anne Becker
Cincinnati, Ohio
On Sun, Jan 26, 2014 at 11:01 AM, Dan Booth Cohen, PhD <
danboothcohen@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi Chris –
Reflecting on your thought that the reluctance of most people to represent
has been overstated, if the majority of people are keen to represent, then
we would expect attendance at Constellation workshops to grow. People would
return again and again to groups and they would bring friends and loved
ones to stand in representation. From a monthly group of 12 workshop
participants, in a year’s time, the facilitator could expect to have 20
people attending twice-a-month groups. After 5 years, they would be having
weekly workshops and students from their training programs would be having
regular monthly groups.
Fifteen years after Hellinger introduced Constellations in English
speaking countries this is far from the reality. Many of our most senior
facilitators have only monthly groups. Many others have left the scene
because too few people attend group workshops to make working as a
facilitator sustainable. The situation is different in Non-English speaking
countries.
Chris, if your sample is people in a group workshop, then I agree that the
majority are keen to represent. But if you look at the broader sample of
people who are invited who decline, those who attend one or two workshops
and then stop, and how many participants return with friends and
loved-ones, it supports my view that the majority of people are not keen to
stand in another’s painful field.
I am not meaning to be discouraging or depressing. In my view, the
Constellation experience remains the most potent, beneficial and
cost-effective therapeutic modality available. In terms of how good they
are, my high aspirations keep being confirmed and exceeded. However, I feel
that the classic way of delivering them is an unsurmountable barrier to
their becoming widely available. There are many effective and efficient
ways to provide the healing experience of a Constellation besides personal
therapy in a group setting. Our dependence on the willingness of a group of
strangers to pay money and devote a day to standing as representatives in
other strangers’ Constellations is a big obstacle.
The answers provided in this thread to Meike’s patient’s question are all
valid. And still, the majority of people when provided with these answers
will say, “No thank you.” What makes most sense to me is offer
Constellations to people who want them; representatives optional.
Dan
Family Constellations Intensive in Ireland
http://hiddensolution.com/ai1ec_event/eire2014/?instance_id=176
*From:* ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:
ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] *On Behalf Of *Chris Walsh
*Sent:* Sunday, January 26, 2014 7:30 AM
*To:* ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
*Subject:* Re: [ConstellationTalk] suffering from representatives
I agree Heike,
In my workshops & all the workshops and trainings I have attended, the
majority of people are actually keen to represent. While I believe the
reluctance and fear does exist, I also think it has been overstated in some
of the posts over the last few days
Cheers
Chris Walsh
Melbourne, Australia
ph +61 (0)3 9487 4647
www.cwalsh.com.au
On Sun, Jan 26, 2014 at 6:46 PM, Heiki Eesmaa <heiki.eesmaa@xxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
Very interesting thread! I didn't even realize so many people had some
adversity towards representing, somehow it hasn't ever been a problem.
Even contrary to adversity, much of the times even people without training
in energy work experience strong vital energy movements. Movements of the
Soul can be quite similar to Spontaneous Movement Qigong.
all the best
Heiki
On Sat, Jan 25, 2014 at 10:48 PM, Janice Crawford <jcrawford4000@xxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
I particularly liked Chris's suggestion. And in terms of anything
additional, it of course so much depends on what one sensed as a possible
form of defense against natural movements of love and service within this
person. For example, I wonder whether this client is someone with whom one
might go a bit scientific/logical? Perhaps speaking generally to those in
the group who might be having difficulty with understanding
representing (vs. focused on him) about empathy to both pain and pleasure
being a naturally occurring quality in infants - motor neurons, etc.,- that
is too often injured by adulthood in many of us. One might then gently
question whether it would it be worth it to feel some temporary discomfort
as a representative if it also helps us more pleasurably feel our own and
others joy?
All the best from my igloo in New York City,
Jan Crawford
On Sat, Jan 25, 2014 at 1:04 PM, Dan Booth Cohen, PhD <
danboothcohen@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Dear Meike –
In my experience, very few people are willing to offer themselves to go
through the pain of another person. I agree with the responses you
received, especially Sheila’s and Zaquie’s. That is why I am always willing
to represent. However, for most people, it is not something they want to
do. For me, a good day is when I can stand as a women’s sexually abusive
grandfather, then as another women’s kidney disease, and finally represent
a man whose children won’t speak to him. It heals and enriches me. …And,
it’s not to everyone’s taste.
When I was in Norway this fall, I worked with a group of older men with
prostate cancer. The concept of standing in representation and allowing
another man’s hidden family soul to fill their awareness was entirely
foreign to them. They found the suggestion inappropriate and distasteful.
Who is this crazy doctor from America and what he is asking us to do?
The answer I have found is that very few people want to offer themselves
in this way. This is why I prefer to do personal Constellations in a 2-way
or 3-way format. When I work with groups, my preference is that those who
attend are coming for a group experience built on ceremony and conceptual
Constellations.
Dan
*From:* ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:
ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] *On Behalf Of *Maria Goossens
*Sent:* Saturday, January 25, 2014 5:47 AM
*To:* constellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
*Subject:* [ConstellationTalk] suffering from representatives
Hi,
One of my patients looked from the outside of the circle to a
constellation and wondered why representatives offer themselves to go
through the pain of another patient. I couldn't give a right answer. Six
days later he repeats this same question. Again, I wasn't able to answer
correctly.
Has anyone an answer on this question ?
Thanks,
Mieke
Maria Goossens, MD
www.dokter-goossens.be
goossens.maria@xxxxxxxxxx
