Dear Sarah,
Some thoughts prompted by your post.
I think on Ctalk we often see people ask about a certain situation,
and what are the causes, and then someone comes back and says 'its
caused by this or that, and in fact I have a model for finding the
solution' and there are some famous structures of likely causes, maybe
the most famous being Bert Hellinger saying Autism is about murder.
So I am going to do something similar, as a man.
I think that men or the male energy tends to gives us structure and
form and protection, and women and the feminine energy tends to give
us love and relationship and the weaving of life together. Men tend
to hold the boundary within which women can relate and love.
I find sometimes as a therapist that my female clients find it hard
to think in terms of 'parts' of themselves as this is more structural,
but men find it quite easy usually.
So when we read in Ctalk about the structure and methods, such as the
recent ones by Dan and Fung I think they are just being natural as
men. But that doesn't mean for me they don't have other aspects and
feminine energy as well, as I have.
So, my way of thinking is that the weaving of feminine and masculine
energy is important, and both come together to provide support for
healthy relationships.
My thinking has been shaped by some recent experiences. I was asked to
heal a group of women, who had mostly experienced difficult situations
with men, and had, in a way, taken some refuge together. But over the
years they had lost the ability to relate with each other, to love
each other, they had lost their hearts and they asked a man to help
them. The first thing I did, in my maleness, was to help them restore
a boundary and safety and they started to see each other again, and
some emergedlove. The next bit is a bit harder, to help them find
ways of providing their own safety, maybe the community will end or
their views of men will change, who knows.
The second experience was spending some time in a spiritual community
of healers, where I received male energy and guidance, witnessed by a
woman. At first I struggled to fully understand this, that a woman had
been so figural in this. And then I became more in touch with life and
love coming from the mother, the feminine energy, and honouring this.
This experience led me to remember the women in my life who had loved
me, and how much I had respected that, even though quite often I had
struggled to say to them, 'I love you'.
So, my thinking now makes more sense of the father often standing in
first place in constellations, holding the boundary and protecting the
love in the family.
Twice I have seen this in Constellations, in Germany and Australia,
where a group of women had come together in the centre to heal, and
the men have taken positions on the outside, on the perimeter, maybe
looking out, to protect the healing and the love.
So in Constellations now I am less inclined to have rows of men or
women, as I think this excludes the natural flowing of male and female
energy, apart from actually excluding half the grandparents and more.
Sarah, you said "the trick imo seems to be havve a hypothesis, either
based on your own experience or on what you've learnt from others and
then be prepared to modify or even toss it according to where the
energy and flow of the constellation is going." So I agree with you,
in my words structure can give us the safety to make a start, to set
some boundary to feel safe enough to start, and then as things flow,
as love flows, the container for work can grow and the truth can show
up.
This thinking has also led me to think of Constellations not so much
as the Orders of Love, but of Order and Love.
Thanks again Sarah
David Mathes, from a sticky Guangzhou.
Posted by: "sarahjibhai" drsarahmoore@xxxxxxxxx sarahjibhai
Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:50 pm (PDT)
dear all
thanks for the conversation. although i butt in from time to time
sometimes what people say here does move me to respond. i particularly
find it difficult to bear when people either new or old to
constellation work say ' mr x says that this means this - so that's
the way we have to interpret it'. in the early days, lots of people
used to go on about bert like this. bert would say something, and he
did have a tendency too in his session like ' this happening in this
constellation means y' and then some people would have a tendency to
then take this as gospel as if when it comes up in a constellation
from thenceforth it always means the same thing. any prolonged
experience in the constellating circle would seem to me to indicate to
anyone involved that different meanings attach at different times to
different actions and reactions in the mandala - and it is dangerous
indeed to interpret them as 'this means that' cos the unfolding of the
constellation itself will often prove the hypothesis wrong. the trick
imo seems to be havve a hypothesis, either based on your own
experience or on what you've learnt from others and then be prepared
to modify or even toss it according to where the energy and flow of
the constellation is going. like in life and the universe in general
for every hard and fast rule there is exception and no-one person has
ever pinned down the categorical laws of the universe. the fluidity of
constellation practice should ram home that lesson to us as we go
about it - the constellation space is a particularly good classroom
for demonstrating it again in my opinion.
happy constellating all and thanks for the discussion
best regards love
sarah
