Dear All
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed by what I see of Palestinian suffering in Gaza, especially the
pictures of dead children lying in rows and the agony of their grieving parents.
I'm overwhelmed by the loyalty I feel to all victims, to every underdog . As I
watch the devastation of Gaza by Israeli military might I cannot take a
balanced view. What I see in my mind's eye are my Polish ancestors in Warsaw
in 1944 when the Germans military might razed the city to the ground. The Poles
fired the equivalent of Palestinian rockets against a giant brutal military
machine that knew no mercy and thousand of young people died in vain.
I'm overwhelmed by my efforts to be free of the chains of this kind of blind
loyalty to the past and to remind myself over and over again that if I close my
heart and see Israelis only as a perpetrator then I am caught in a harvest of
hate and I become a perpetrator too. So I keep reminding myself of what I know
of the anguish of all Jewish people who suffered during the Holocaust years and
of the second and third generations many of whom are too caught in a blind
loyalty to the past, or are struggling in the face of it just as I am. I
imagine the fear that Israelis live under as rockets rein in on them and I try
to imagine what this war will do to the souls of many of the young Israeli
soldiers, what price they will pay.
I'm overwhelmed by the images I have of ghettos and of gaunt Jewish faces and
deadened eyes, of the human spirit diminished by starvation and degradation -
mirror images of what I now see in so many Palestinian faces.
I'm overwhelmed by my fierce loyalty and pride in the stories I know of Jewish
and Polish resistance in the face of unbelievable terror during the second
world war and my desire that the Palestinian spirit is not broken.
I'm overwhelmed by the sea of emotions I go through as I read all your
contributions on CT on the theme of the Israeli Palestinian conflict. I want to
stand next to Dan because I agree with his political analysis and I feel his
pain; I want to draw near to Ayelet because I know that the Palestinians do
not have a monopoly of pain and I know what it does to me when I am not seen
and heard, or if I feel condemned. I want to hold out my hand to Alison for
comfort as she stands alone in her 'limbic zone', as I too know the pain of a
"second generation" child of traumatised parents. I want to draw strength from
what I see as Joseph and Kenn's courage in taking a stand and I want to
challenge Chris on his moderation of one voice while seemingly condoning
another . And I willingly wrestle with trying to understand where Chris might
be coming from and to imagine the responsibility he is holding.
I'm overwhelmed by the eloquence and knowledge of so much of the writing and
my feelings that I am not up to the task of expressing myself adequately and
the fear of being misunderstood or judged.
I'm overwhelmed by the doubt that because I am not Jewish I should not speak on
these matters.
I'm overwhelmed by the number of emails that are coming through on CT and my
desire to read each one with care. I'm relieved at hearing so many voices as
well as drained by the emotional energy it is demanding of me.
I'm overwhelmed by my sadness that I do not hear any Palestinian voices on CT.
And because I'm overwhelmed I'm seeking a moment of quiet reflection for a
while and a cease fire in my mind and in my heart. I hear Bert's words about
peace starting in the individual soul. And I find refuge in the words of
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn:-
"If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds,
and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy
them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human
being and who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart."
It's not comfortable to feel so over whelmed but I welcome it. I'm glad to be a
part of CT and await whatever comes my way.
Enough. If you are still reading this thanks for staying with me
Barbara
Barbara Stones
stonesbarbara@xxxxxxxxxxx
59 Englewood Road
London SW12 9PB
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