Max and Margreet,
I'm fascinated by the polar opposite dynamics you both exhibit here in
relating Bert's "birthday bash."
Both of you claim the supremacy of your own respective first hand
experiences of the event over my absence.
But whereas Margeet points her finger of blame at me because I wasn't
there, because I'm taking it out of context, etc., you, Max, point the
finger of blame at yourself. You say in essence: "If only I had made
a better more comprehensive description of the event, then maybe Tom
wouldn't jump to rash and obviously wrong conclusions, etc."
(So it seems there's more than enough guilt to go around here. You
Max, heap it on yourself. Margreet, you happily heap it on me. It's
like a round robin game in the kindergarden sandbox. I'm actually
enjoying the game; I hope you guys are as well.)
All I can say is: Of Course I wasn't there! Of course I am taking
things out of context! How could I possibly do otherwise?
But isn't that exactly what goes on in every single constellation
process worthy of the name?
When the client comes in, he or she has a well-rehearsed "story" about
his/her family. The client comes in at first claiming the supreme
authority of his/her own experience: "Of course, it's true, I was
there, you weren't, so you're wrong. I experienced what my father did
to my mother. You didn't. You weren't
there. You're a complete stranger. How could you possibly know
anything about my family? How dare you bring another perspective to me
when it is so obviously wrong because it's out of context?"
Yet how is it possible that complete strangers, people who have not
had the experience of the event, people who can do nothing else but
take the event out of context be right? But we call these people
representatives in a constellation.
And we all know that clients are free to accept or reject a
constellation because it does not agree with their in-context
experience, i.e. "story" of the family.
So I leave you and Margreet with a question: Might you even simply
"entertain the possibility" (not even accept yet!) that a complete
outsider could provide a perspective on the event, a perspective that
lies outside the authroity of your own personal experience?
This seems to me to be one of the "occupational hazards" of being a
facilitator. We are so steeped in the need to be so scrupulously
phenomenological, i.e., directly experiential, that we may actually
fall into the opposite "deep end" of believing that only direct
phenomenological experience is the truth and therefore the supreme
authority.
It reminds me of the old saying: "If the only tool you have is a
hammer, then sooner or later, everything else starts to look like a
nail." Hammer, hammer, hammer. Bash! Bash! Bash!
So, my dear comrades,Max and Margreet, I appreciate and validate your
stories of the event. You were there. I wasn't. I'm grateful that you
both reported it to us all. Now what prevents you from validating my
reflection of what you brought, precisely because I wasn't there?
Thomas
PS On that note, Comrade Doctor Joe Pirone, might this be a cue for
you to tell us about your latest research on "mirror neurons?" I
believe it's a far superior "explanation" of the constellion process
than Sheldrake's and could shed much light on this "bashing" aspect of
Bert's Birthday bash.
--- In ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Max Dauskardt" <max@...> wrote:
sadness,
With great regrets do I realise, my lines describing the rendition of
'I had a comrade' at Bert's Birthday celebration were much too terse.
That song is not and was not presented as a "stirring military march"
The melody is a deeply moving one, bringing up strong feelings of
not a trace of an invitation to march.funerals' in
The preceeding songs were ones typically played during oktoberfests, not
really military either. My mentioning 'marching' and 'military
rather close proximity was unfortunate, leading some to drawconclusions I
had in no way intended.himself as
The overriding moment was Bert's being close to tears presenting
ordinary man with ordinary feelings, a gift from him to all whoattended for
which I am very grateful.wrote:
Max
--- In ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Max Dauskardt" <max@>
the bash is over
near the end the most touching moment:
a Tyrolean Lederhosen Wind and Brass Band
was giving a marching handclapping rendition
and then the last piece was announced as being Bert's special wish
they played 'I had a comrade' (Ich hatte einen Kameraden)
-played traditionally at military funerals-
Bert stood up afterwards
as close to tears as perhaps he was ever seen on stage
and said :'I had many comrades, they are with me'
