Technology can exacerbate or alleviate loneliness, but it’s up to us to
get the balance right
Kathy Donaghy
Big Tech believes it can innovate us out of loneliness but can more apps
and algorithms really be the answer to a very human problem? Four years
ago, Covid-19 swept into our world. upending our best-laid plans and
lives. It seemed to exacerbate another pandemic; that of loneliness,
which was building slowly, digging painfully into our modern lives.
Its impact is as corrosive and deadly as a 15-a-day cigarette habit and
age is no barrier – new mums, young people and older people can all feel
its gut-wrenching effects.
You’d think with all our connectedness – from WhatsApp groups to online
chats, access to Zoom meet-ups, online book clubs and dating apps – the
big wide world would be a less lonely place post-Covid.
The newest kid on the block, Timeleft, entered the fray earlier this
year promising to unlock the door to the magic of chance encounters by
connecting six strangers for dinner.
Cities all over the world, including Dublin, are on its map. An
algorithm matches the user with the most compatible fellow diners. This
harnessing of technology to allow for real in-person interactions is at
least getting people out of the house.
But if technology alone could make us feel less lonely, then surely the
US surgeon general Vivek H Murthy wouldn’t have issued such a stark
warning about the impact of loneliness on people’s health: he said its
consequences were dire.
Experts believe things such as the speed of working life, increased
urbanisation, growing isolation in the wake of Covid are all playing
their part in making us feel more alone.
In her book, The Lonely Century: Coming Together in a World That’s
Pulling Apart, economist Noreena Hertz makes the argument that the way
we live now is profoundly atomised – missing many of the casual and
deeper human connections that used to be commonplace.
With so many of our interactions now done online – from paying bills to
doing the shopping – you’d have to ask questions about what it does to
our real-life encounters and our readiness and willingness to cope with
them.
I can’t help but wonder if the advancement in technology has also
stilted our social muscles to the extent that we sometimes avoid real
human interactions. New research suggests that people within the
millennial and Gen Z cohort of the population – or those roughly aged
between 12 and 43 – actively avoid phone calls, preferring to text, and
with some finding it “weird” to receive calls at all.
Phone anxiety and anxiety talking to people is a real thing. But real
connection with another human being starts with conversation and the
sharing of our lives. We know that the things people share online are a
best-foot-forward approach, so this isn’t always a real meaningful sharing.
We’re supposed to be good at talking in this country. We pride ourselves
on our ability to chat. But like all social skills, it takes practice.
It’s not easy, particularly if you’re in a strange place trying to make
friends. We might get knocked back but sitting in front of our screens
looking for friendships might be the equivalent of eating fast food – it
fills us up but leaves us ultimately feeling dissatisfied.
We hear all the time about online “communities” but we need to question
the language of Big Tech that uses words such as family and community
all the time, devaluing them of any real meaning. Meta boss Mark
Zuckerberg has likened Facebook and Instagram to the digital equivalent
of the town square. They never were.
And yet technology is here to stay. We must be able to harness it to our
advantage. There is also no doubt that it’s a lifeline for many,
providing them with interactions that they might not otherwise have.
According to Brendan Kelly, professor of psychiatry at Trinity College
Dublin, phones and apps can reduce our loneliness or can amplify it by
making connections that are real in one sense but distant in another.
“Big Tech will inevitably seek to control, shape and monetise our every
need – physical needs, emotional needs, psychological needs. That is
simply the nature of Big Tech companies: like all companies, they exist
primarily to make profit, not primarily to help us to live better,
happier, truly connected lives. The two things often overlap, but not
always,” he said.
When it comes to loneliness, Prof Kelly says the key to navigating the
possibilities and pitfalls of technologies lies in recognising our own
emotional needs. Human connection is essential but it involves both
distant communication by way of text messages and social media and
direct contact such as meeting up and human touch.
“We need both, and without direct contact, virtually everyone will feel
lonely. People need people,” he said.
Like everything in life, balance is the key. It’s also fair to say that
if loneliness is the sickness, we can be the medicine. A friend can be
the cure and it all starts with “hello”.
https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/kathy-donaghy-technology-can-exacerbate-or-alleviate-loneliness-but-its-up-to-us-to-get-the-balance-right/a2117073863.html?hConversionEventId=AQEAAZQF2gAmdjYwMDAwMDE4ZC1mZjY0LTI5ODktOTA4NS04YjYwMTg4YmRmNGLaACRmMDMxMzM1ZS1hNTY0LTQwYWUtMDAwMC0wMjFlZjNhMGJjZDjaACRhMWNhZjhiOS03YmMyLTQ1NjYtYTExMS04MDk5NTZkYjViNGRxf6dlG31svgXcF6UYHr033rN_BqpNKzQD9iRz0EaxNQ&utm_campaign=IN:Daily&utm_content=zone_name&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_source=independent&utm_term=0-0
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