Dear all
Here is the translation of Wilfried Nelles' article posted 31 May
2008 in German.
Regards
Soni Stecker
Ballarat, Australia
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The father and his wayward children
How Bert and Sophie Hellinger are splitting the constellation scene
by Wilfried Nelles
Respect, regard, gratitude, even love almost all leading
constellation facilitators who have been close to Bert Hellinger in
the past 20 years describe thus their feelings towards him. At the
same time many of those who have conducted almost as many
constellations as Bert himself are claiming their right to draw their
own conclusions from their own experience with thousands of cases for
their own work and for the transmission of constellation work in
professional trainings and in publications. And they assert that they
too have made a not insubstantial contribution in the past 10 to 15
years to both the quantitative distribution as well as to the
qualitative development of the work. Furthermore they do this without
questioning Berts superior importance and position. He though, for
the past two years, has travelled the world declaring everywhere,
together with his wife Sophie, that in Germany people are stabbing
him in the back; his erstwhile students are ungrateful; are rising
against the father and are upsetting the order. Rumours have been
spread that some, speculating about his death, have grouped together
in order to divide up his intellectual legacy before his demise.
Those so scolded are restraining themselves; out of respect they
dont openly defend themselves and thus permit that in far regions of
the world, where no-one can check the accusations and no-one thinks
it possible that Bert or Sophie with his support would spread
untruths, a blurred image of the situation is being presented which
has nothing to do with reality. Of course this is doing enormous
damage to constellation work per se. The sad thing for me is that
Bert with his ruthless power politics is undermining his own
authority, weakening his own approach to family constellation work
and strengthens those who have always had reservations against the
deeper dimensions of his work.
In 2005 I devised a big international training project and presented
it to Bert at the end of that year. Visiting him at home, I consulted
with him for two days. He was delighted with my proposal. Two days
later Sophie rang and told me that she and Bert would like to
implement this straight away; she requested a small favour: Instead
of calling it Studies in Systemic Constellations as suggested the
project should be called Studies in Systemic Constellations
according to Bert Hellinger. He would never demand this himself, but
it would be a wonderful birthday present for him (this was shortly
before his 80th birthday). I said I would think about it, but I had
concerns because the training was meant to lead to an official
university degree. Later I told Bert this: One can practise
psychoanalysis according to Freud or Jung, but there is no university
course according to Freud or according to xyz. A public course of
study or professional training is public property and hence cannot
carry a private name. After that he began to withdraw and ultimately
separate from me. The issue was never about matters of content, but
only one thing: following and obedience in connection with personal
interests which were first and foremost formulated by Sophie and
supported implicitly by Bert. The promotion of a new family
constellation work is nothing but an attempt to obscure this.
For me personally this was a painful but at the same time healing
process. Others before me have had similar experiences, and now this
process seems to have seized the entire scene. This too can be
healing, if we are able to deal with it in an open and clear manner.
Therefore I am breaking with the tradition of the past years to speak
only behind closed doors about these matters while waxing lyrical in
public gratitude towards Bert, which he virtually spits upon. But
this is not about my personal experience. Rather I want to look at
two arguments that are being used by Bert and Sophie and which throw
an alarming light on a certain attitude in constellation work. How we
deal with these themes is central to the further development of the
work. The themes are: Berts fatherhood (or, as lately promoted by
Sophie: motherhood) of constellation work and the alleged
embodiment of a spiritual revelation in his person.
For the past two years Sophie has announced to the whole world that
Bert is the father (and the mother) of constellation work and that a
leading group of German constellation facilitators is not giving him
due credit for it, but are placing themselves in contravention of the
order above the father. In actual fact, none of the leading
constellation facilitators in Germany are denying Berts fatherhood.
However, the question is: What is the consequence for the children?
Are they allowed to think and act for themselves, or does respect
towards the father command them to obey forever? Which family
portrait is being promoted here? At the end of the 1st Asia
Conference in spring 2006 in Taipei the organiser, Netra, gave Bert
and all presenters a candle. Conference participants in the hall had
received a small tea light. The he lit Berts candle, and we went to
Bert and lit our candles with his. Then we walked through the dark
hall and carried the light that we had received from Bert further by
lighting the tea lights in the hall with our candles. That was a
beautiful and moving ritual. When I hear, though, (as I did about the
course in Mexico in spring 2008) that Sophie placed Bert on stage as
father-mother of family constellation work and incites hundreds of
participants to shout yes (as they should say yes to their own
parents), I just feel sick.
A son thanks his father by bowing before him, by taking all that the
father has given him, turning around and going into life with this
gift and creating his own creation from it. Then father and son dont
owe each other anything, everyone is free, life goes on and progress
is possible. Pro-gress means to go further; for this to happen one
has to turn around and move away from the past. Gratitude is a
natural part of this process. It is one of Berts great achievements
to have brought this back into awareness. Two orders are meeting
here: regard and acceptance for that which has gone before (and for
those before us); and going with ones own fate, the New prevailing
over the Old. What Sophie and Bert demand is something completely
different: that the son follow and obey the father (and not his own
fate, his own soul); that he do not turn around and follow his own
call, but continue to look at the father; that he do not pro-gress,
but stand still. This is in complete contradiction to Berts teachings.
Of course the father-son image is only a metaphor here regarding the
relationship between Bert and other constellation facilitators, and
this metaphor only applies to the origin and transmission of the
work. Apart from that Bert is obviously not my father (nor my
mother). He acts, however, as though we really were his children. And
he (or Sophie) requires us to remain children always and never grow
up. That is absurd. If I applied the same to the father of
psychotherapy, Sigmund Freud, the logical consequence of this would
be that no-one could have thought independent thoughts or even
criticised Freud, and we would still be today where psychotherapy was
100 years ago. Thats exactly not the order, and there is an insight
of Berts which both of them are forgetting here: The New prevails
over the Old, the Later prevails over the Former. Only in this way
life continues.
This leads me to the second theme, which is even more problematic. At
a meeting regarding the above-mentioned training project Bert, on the
eve of his birthday, said: I have been chosen to bring this work
into the world. It was revealed to him and only him, and he
concluded that he alone was allowed to determine how this work should
develop, and therefore it should carry his name. I was shocked: I
have been chosen with this he elevates himself above all others
and claims for himself a special, exclusive relationship to Spirit.
Meanwhile he and Sophie are laying claim to this publicly: He is a
chosen one (by whomever), the message is embodied in him, and
therefore only he can teach and develop family constellations
authentically. This is I cannot say it in any other way fascist
thinking. I am not saying that Bert is a fascist. He is not. I have
publicly (in my book Die Hellinger-Kontroverse, (transl: The
Hellinger-Controversy) and several articles) defended him against
the charge of fascism and sympathy with the Nazis, and I still do so
today. But apart from sympathy with Nazis this claim reveals an inner
attitude, which was quintessential for national-socialistic
leadership thinking: The leader (Adolf Hitler), and only he, embodies
the spirit of the movement (of National Socialism). That was exactly
the reason why Hitler was untouchable within the movement: because he
was deemed as chosen (by providence) and the Spirit was embodied
directly in his person. When Sophie stages rituals like the
collective yes-shouting, or the instruction to kneel in front of Bert
and bow to the ground when receiving the certificate (given to the
Asian participants in a special meeting at the summer camp 2007 in
Pichl) which focus on the acknowledgement of this leadership, then
this is more than alarming. This claim of fatherhood and leadership
can only be met with one answer: No!
This chosen-syndrome is the problem of the Judeo-Christian tradition.
One should think that there must be an end to it, given that it has
brought nothing but misery for the self-declared chosen ones. The
Jews the people chosen (by no-one else but the true God) have
suffered persecution from the outset of their history. Hardly
surprising, for if they are chosen, then all others are worth less
before God and who wants to continually subject to such
humiliation? No-one would willingly put up with it, and so the Jews
have been paying the price for their chosen status for several
thousand years. Jesus, Gods own son and therefore chosen before all
others: the Jews couldnt stand such a super-chosen one in their
midst and killed him. Hitlers Aryan race, meant by providence to
rule over all other, inferior races: the course and outcome of this
story are known. Of course he had to destroy the other chosen people
theres only room for one. Just as inevitable: the war against
Bolshevism, which was chosen, not by God, but by history to enforce
the worldwide rule of the proletariat and the classless society that
would follow. All chosen ones! Of course there are huge differences.
The Jews were never aggressive, not even proselytising; Jesus wasnt
either; the others mentioned all the more. But the idea of being
higher, better, more important, something special, is the core of
unspeakable suffering.
We are all chosen, each in their own way and no-one in a way that
elevates them above others. And therefore we are all chosen and
entitled to deepen, change and teach constellation work (if we are
able). In 1997 I said to Bert in an interview I did with him that I
am impressed with the trust with which he passes on his work without
exerting control. He responded:
I am often moved by what emerges and I am pleased how it continues.
It seems completely crazy to me that someone would keep a reality
that one sees to oneself. When someone asks me whether he can use
something that I have said or done, I feel hurt. As if I had a right
over realities or insights. They have been given to me and they are
there for everyone. I have been nudged and am passing on these
impulses, and I am pleased when others pass them on in their own way.
In a tribute to Herbert von Karajans 100th birthday the daily Kölner
Stadtanzeiger (5/6 April 2008) writes: It was his tragedy that at
the end Karajan began to believe in his own myth. Distance to himself
and the hymns that were sung about him was denied him. That, to me,
seems to be the tragedy of Bert Hellinger, too.
(English translation; German original article first posted 31 May
2008 on ConstellationTalk)
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