Dear Dan
I was not having a shot at you or anyone else's postings.
I think it is okay to talk about constellations in whatever terms you think
appropriate. Just because you are pleased with a constellation and describe it
positively does not mean you are being grandiose. Indeed inflation masked by
humility can be just as toxic as more overt expressions.
I agree with John Payne when he talks about territoriality driven by fear. I
too have seen that. I believe people's behaviour becomes much worse when
inflation is added to the mix. It decreases people's ability to step back and
say "Wait a minute . Am I treating people with respect here?"
Moreover I believe ego inflation & deflation are universal phenomena that we
are all prone to given the right circumstances & facilitating constellations is
a very powerful circumstance for bringing on inflation in ALL OF US.
So please try to consider these points without having to defend yourselves. It
is not a crime to become inflated. It is just a difficult phenomenon that I
believe we need to be mindful of and deal with.
hasta la vista
Chris Walsh
An Australian Constellation Website:
www.constellationflow.com
----- Original Message -----
From: Dan Booth Cohen
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Monday, 9 May 2005 11:06 PM
Subject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] Congress in Cologne
Chris - I've been involved in an ongoing dialogue about whether it's
appropriate for me to represent my work as being of "excellent" quality. One
side of the argument says that a facilitator should speak modestly about their
skills so as not to fall into grandiosity and ego-inflation. If one says, "My
work is excellent," one is inviting the fates to topple the perch and teach a
hard lesson in humility.
The other side of the argument says that excellence in therapeutic practice
is something that can be strived for and even achieved. If one's work is
excellent, why diminish it by characterizing it as "pretty good?" What is the
message to the client if the practitioner wears a false mantle of mediocrity
simple to dampen the ego and fend off the fates? If I called myself an
excellent football player, that would be grandiose. Must Beckham refer to
himself as a pretty good player?
My view is that authenticity is the key determinant. We should all, by now,
have developed the critical judgment to distinguish the quality of our own
facilitation. Just as we can taste over-salted soup and hear a false note, we
can recognize when our own work is either pedestrian or superlative. We should
not be afraid to acknowledge our shortcomings nor to give ourselves full credit
when it is earned.
Dan
-----Original Message-----
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Chris Walsh
Sent: Monday, May 09, 2005 6:59 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] Congress in Cologne
Thankyou Berthold for your thoughtful message.
I would love to hear more about the Cologne conference.
You discussion about reconciliation in constellations made me remember a
quandary I was struggling with two years ago. Why is it that constellation
practitioners who work so hard at reconciliation in constellations, are so bad
at reconciling differences amongst ourselves? There seem to be serious splits
and infighting at every level of the work - right to the very top.
Competitiveness often elicits bad behaviour between practitioners. So I began
to wonder what was going on.
When you said:
The danger is: We cannot leave things and people un-reconciliated.
>> Because "we know" how to "do" reconciliation. With that we feel big
>> instead of small in front of the fate. I repeat, if reconciliation
>> happens, it is a gift. Gifts are nothing natural which you can count
>> with. Gifts you are demanding may be not be given. Gifts need gratitude
It made me remember an observation that has been becoming clearer and clearer
to me over the last two years. Practitioners of this work are confronted with
the fact that this work has a strong tendency to inflate the practitioner's
ego. In fact I would go so far as to say that every practitioner that I have
been able to observe closely (including myself) has at times become
significantly inflated with this work. This inflation manifests as the
practitioner becoming grandiose.
Each of us has our own style of doing this. Some of us become overtly
grandiose making heroic claims of therapeutic success without much reality
testing. Others of us have some idea that inflation is happening and try to
hide it by professing humility - but the grandiose fantasies are still there
underneath. Whatever our individual style, when we become inflated, fate has
the uncanny knack of coming along and knocking us off our perch. This of course
is a great learning opportunity - to become a little wiser.
I suspect that this problem with inflation may be the root cause of much of
the strange unhealthy competitive energy that exists between many
practitioners. This then results in antipathies and resentments which otherwise
doesn't really make much sense in people working - as Berthold sarcastically
put it - "in the reconciliation business".
I would be interested to know if others agree or not with these observations
and ideas - or if anyone has any other ideas about the cause of this strange
paradox of practitioners working in reconciliation having these troubles with
each other.
hasta la vista
Chris Walsh
An Australian Constellation Website:
www.constellationflow.com
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bertold.Ulsamer@xxxxxxxxxxx" <bertold.ulsamer@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Sunday, 8 May 2005 10:35 PM
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Congress in Cologne
> The family constellation congress in Cologne with 1000 participants has
> finished. In my experience it was a great congress. Great by the
> atmosphere, great by seeing how the river is flowing with Bert and
> beyond him and great by the insights which were made possible.
> So I want just to share some of this with you. I, as a German
> experienced to be confronted myself with the German past, the German
> guilt and the horror, which has happened. Already 4 years ago in the
> congress in Wurzburg I nearly could not stand it. There is a part in me,
> which is overwhelmed by that. How not to become not crazy in looking to
> all what happened? Something tears me apart when I come close.
> A sentence I use sometimes in a constellation f. e. for a man who comes
> home destroyed by the war. "It was too much." This sentence does not
> change anything in what has happened but, nevertheless, it is relaxing
> by this acknowledgement. This "It is too much" seems me to be the
> adequate sentence also for these happenings.
> By saying this I become more modest in the (sarcastically!)
> reconciliation-business. Reconciliation, sometimes, is beyond the
> ordinary human capacity. How can the victim reconciliate with the
> perpetrator? It is not something that can be done. If it happens, it is
> a gift. So, I see a danger in constellation work (and a friend who is
> leading a lot of international seminars was saying yes to this thought).
> The danger is: We cannot leave things and people un-reconciliated.
> Because "we know" how to "do" reconciliation. With that we feel big
> instead of small in front of the fate. I repeat, if reconciliation
> happens, it is a gift. Gifts are nothing natural which you can count
> with. Gifts you are demanding may be not be given. Gifts need gratitude.
> This I wanted to share with you and I am curious to read what other
> brought home with them from Cologne.
> Bertold
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> Yahoo! Groups Links
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