Thank you for your thoughs on reconciliation and the congress in Cologne. I
was fortunate to be invited to this with my colleague Lindiwe, and talk
about our experiences in South Africa and reconciliation. Both of us have
moments when we feel the situation we find ourselves in is too much and the
legacies of Apartheid are too much to bear. But, this is the work that we
have chosen, and there is a need, so we do what we can. We could leave
things unreconciled, and often we must, but at the same time one could never
turn one's head from the need for reconciliation that we confront every
single day in everything we see.
I may have the wish and desire that there can be reconciliation between the
different groups with which I work, and at the same time I know that this is
an impossible task. It is this flicker of hope, that sometimes doesn't make
it through the working day, that many of my clients do not see. My one
client is a part of a family of drug addicts, schizophrenics, abusers,
rapists and suicidals, trapped in an impoverished community run by drug
lords and gangs, in the wake of a political system reform that has failed
her. All my clients have similar stories. This is community work in South
Africa.
There was a panel on Reconciliation and Compensation, in which Antjie Krog
and I shared our experiences. We both acknowledged that we are white, and
our ancestors were the perpetrators. It is only through acknowledging this
that flows in our blood that we can even begin to step with humility into
those communities that our race perpetrated against.
In accepting this, I know that constellation work is not the only way
forward because it is something that "I know" can be helpful. There are
stories in South Africa that must be told, honoured, acknowledged and must
be witnessed from beginning to end. Stories of hatred, pain, anger,
jealousy, confusion, and dissapointement. The reconciliation will happen
when it is ready. For me, this is where it is time to take things slow... to
allow time to tell us when it is ready...
The Congress gave me renewed hope in the swing I feel between
disillusionment and passion for the task that lies ahead for all South
Africans. This is something that is our own, all of us together. One of the
things I gratefully take from this congress is the way that the work is
spreading all over the world, and meeting a new way in each new land. I am
grateful to all that shared their experiences.
Greetings from African earth and sunshine,
Tanja
Family Constellations Africa
http://www.familyconstellations.co.za
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bertold.Ulsamer@xxxxxxxxxxx" <bertold.ulsamer@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Sunday, May 08, 2005 2:35 PM
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Congress in Cologne
The family constellation congress in Cologne with 1000 participants has
finished. In my experience it was a great congress. Great by the
atmosphere, great by seeing how the river is flowing with Bert and
beyond him and great by the insights which were made possible.
So I want just to share some of this with you. I, as a German
experienced to be confronted myself with the German past, the German
guilt and the horror, which has happened. Already 4 years ago in the
congress in Wurzburg I nearly could not stand it. There is a part in me,
which is overwhelmed by that. How not to become not crazy in looking to
all what happened? Something tears me apart when I come close.
A sentence I use sometimes in a constellation f. e. for a man who comes
home destroyed by the war. "It was too much." This sentence does not
change anything in what has happened but, nevertheless, it is relaxing
by this acknowledgement. This "It is too much" seems me to be the
adequate sentence also for these happenings.
By saying this I become more modest in the (sarcastically!)
reconciliation-business. Reconciliation, sometimes, is beyond the
ordinary human capacity. How can the victim reconciliate with the
perpetrator? It is not something that can be done. If it happens, it is
a gift. So, I see a danger in constellation work (and a friend who is
leading a lot of international seminars was saying yes to this thought).
The danger is: We cannot leave things and people un-reconciliated.
Because "we know" how to "do" reconciliation. With that we feel big
instead of small in front of the fate. I repeat, if reconciliation
happens, it is a gift. Gifts are nothing natural which you can count
with. Gifts you are demanding may be not be given. Gifts need gratitude.
This I wanted to share with you and I am curious to read what other
brought home with them from Cologne.
Bertold
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