Thanks to everyone so far.
A few responses.
I did not include a description of the actual Constellation because for this
purpose it is not important. It was 4 years ago and whatever I was
accustomed to doing then, I might do differently now. Nor do I even
remember it that much.
I agree that my own loyalty to "don't hurt anyone's feelings" clouds my
judgment.
We have talked about this many times in the group in the past 4 years. At
the men's suggestion, we now always do a de-role exercise at the end of
every Constellation. Everyone who participated goes to the client and they
each say to the other, "I am not your father. I am Dave; You are not my
father. You are my friend Dave." And so on. They check in with each other
during the days to make sure everyone is alright. Etc.
More important, at every turn, they emphasize how much they have benefited
from Constellations. One man said, "Before I started coming to this group
my soul was black, as black as that chalkboard. Now it is light gray most
of the time, and even colorful once in while."
Here's what another man wrote after he had a severe reaction after a
different Constellation:
"That night during my sleep, I had a bad experience. In a dream-like state,
I saw myself in a battle field, dead soldiers and civilians all around.
Green rolling hills, castle off in the background, fog. It was my face, yet
as a younger person on someone else's body. I was walking yet not walking,
like floating, telling myself in a voice I do not use, 'And they wonder why
I drink.' I was crying, scared, heart beating a mile a minute. I awoke
scared and crying, upset, shaking. It was like the energy left the
Constellation with me or visited me again that night out of nowhere."
"Now I look back on what took place, I am thankful my body can be used in
such a way. For in life one must have pain to have healing. The unwelcome
guest was a gift, a blessing that was new to me, which could have been why
it was so upsetting at first."
This man now talks regularly about how he found freedom in prison.
I agree that holding the whole container is very important. I keep an open
heart and a clear intention. The issue of aftercare is a problem, as the
men return to jail cells with no support services. Still, they seem to have
developed a good support system for themselves.
Thanks for this feedback. It helps me.
Dan
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