Dear Meera,
amongst many other trainings, Beet also has a training in Psychoanalysis.
One simple way of describing the difference could be:
Ghosts are fragments of the dead, the part that is perhaps still unhealed
and often willing to let us know something. Ancestors are real people,
though on the other side that we cannot only know about, but communicate
with directly and feel directly loved by.
What Bert showed us is the difference between a vague sense, or talking
about some vague entity, and direct relationship.
So what might present as a ghost, can easily turn into an ancestor, once we
begin to communicate with them. Communication is a two way process. That
means we address them, and we address them with respect and kindness, and if
we are frightened or uncertain, also with that honesty. And we also wait for
a reply, and gently keep the communication going, to build up mutual trust.
Amazing things can happen from there.
Such process of communication is sometimes achieved quickly, but it can
also take week of patient and gentle perseverance where the so called ghosts
still feel they may not be wanted or accepted by the living. The process
will flow when the dead feel our goodwill and an attitude of no judgment.
Individuation, as Bert showed us is rather different to what other
psychologies tell us.Entanglement happens because we do not really look at
the others, but subconsciously carry something of theirs, but it can also be
from our own past life, and again then there are ancestors as well.
So individuation in Bert's sense means rather that we have many people to
relate to, to love, to exchange with, so that we feel rich inside because
many people who vary greatly live in our hearts.Freud talks about
internalization as an essential part of completion in any grieving process,
and internalization in this sense means the same as taking into our heart and
keeping it, or rather her or him there, all the more so if these people are
already on the other side.
Through constellations we get to experience the growth that can be called
individuation when we take all of our ancestors into our heart, and all
those who had dealings with our ancestors, especially all the excluded
people. Individuation then means becoming more whole more inclusive, more at
peace with all the roles different people have to fill with life.
Behind what we may call patterning lie real events that have shaped us and
our ancestors. Real events of a traumatic nature leave us with strategies of
coping, and even later generations will repeat these strategies, even though
they may in fact not be helpful. Prejudices are for instance this nature,
for instance. Originally something happened where members of one group
harmed members of another, so perhaps all the offspring learn to avoid
members of the group that harmed them, and in the end the original cause may
not be known to the descendents, but the feelings are still there. So even
from these feelings we can reconstruct the painful events, and then and
there reconciliation can be encouraged. Once that is successfully completed,
the feelings can dissolve, and a new beginning can be made.
From Bert we learn that feelings, behaviours, symptoms of all kinds have
their origin in real interactions of a painful nature, between real people.
One of the problems with individual therapies is that the problem a person
has may not be that persons problem but something the person carries,
without understanding what it is all about. So no amount of individual therapy
will arrive at the cause where it can be healed and therefore laid to rest.
Of course there are many useful practices for individuals, such as various
meditations. We can tell by their effect on the individuals how helpful they
are.
When the loss of someone we loved very much, grieving is one way of dealing
with it that is necessary, but another aspect is that we claim our love and
connection with this person beyond death, for in the end we get to see that
love cannot get lost, only buried. Constellations help un-bury love, so that
we get to feel in a very relationship way that the dead are still in loving
connection with us.
At least, this is my experience, and it is still growing in scope and depth.
Constellations do not give us fixed ideas or concepts, but they give us our
own meaningful experiences of love far beyond our earthly round.
all the best,
Angelika
On Sun, Oct 2, 2011 at 5:13 PM, Meera Finnigan
<meera.finnigan@xxxxxxxxxxxx>wrote:
**
I understand that psychoanalyst Hans Loewald (1906-1993) said that a goal
of psychoanalysis is for "ghosts to become ancestors". It seems to me that
he is referring to a process of individuation of some kind, a freedom from
entanglements within family relationships. So far, my involvement with
Family Constellation indicates that a similar process can and does take
place within the work.
Psychoanalysis takes years of course and it has articulated goals but as a
member of this forum and a reader of Bert and others I am aware that
Constellation practitioners have an openness to the 'knowing field' and of
allowing the emergence and manifestations of certain phenomenological
processes. However, I would be really interested to hear from others about
what is needed for our ghosts to become ancestors.
On a personal note, I have grieved for my deceased father who died when I
was 14 years old and even though I have undergone much therapy and healing
techniques over the years, at 62 years I am not free of a painful and
traumatic childhood. Like many of our clients, I am at times caught in the
grip of the patterning of the past.
There are often very insightful and helpful comments from people in our
forum and I would appreciate any contributions to this topic.
