Jack, et al.,
This is such an interesting topic. For me the distinction involves the
definition of "good". I actually have no idea what is "good" for a client.
Western medicine tends to overshadow the definition for many people in the
western world, and in that paradigm "good" is an absence of symptoms. I have
used alternative medicine all my life and am quite accustomed to the
"aggravation" that often comes when a healing process is activated and one is
on the way to a cure.
When the client reaches me, are they still on the way down in their process or
are they on their way up? I don't know. Perhaps they will feel disappointed
with the work, or confused, or elated, or surprised. I don't know. All
reactions are possible.
All I do know is that I come to the interaction with a tool and some knowledge
about how to use it. I'm happy to share this tool with those who are in the
process of looking for something in their life. As Stephan Hausner and others
have said, "all healing is self healing." If I can assist in activating a
client's ability to self heal with the tool that I enjoy using, I'm happy to do
so. Which direction that healing takes them is not my business; I have no idea
what their path is. I don't define the outcome as either "good" or "bad".
Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, or have come up against my own
limitations or in some other way my ego intrudes, but I have not felt the need
to judge an outcome experienced by the client. Even on the few occasions when a
client has gotten very angry with me. I use such events to learn from, and do
examine my part, but try not to take this personally. As observers, myself and
my colleagues have often seen outcomes that we might judge as negative only to
find out that there was immediate improvement in a client's symptoms
thereafter. So I leave the outcome up the the soul of the client, and I keep
watch on my soul, what I am learning through these interactions with the field,
and where I am going on my own path.
On another topic, I have charged one price for all participants since I began
offering workshops. Aside from an earlybird discount open to all. Personally I
am even peaved when attending a workshop where a reduced price is offered to a
couple who can have twice or more the income I have! And I don't offer "sliding
scale" either. To me, it is as if one is saying "here is my fee but feel free
to pay me less." There are times when someone cannot pay my fee, and I leave it
to them to initiate this discussion with me. When they do, my answer is always
the same, "Pay me what you feel you can pay." Often they respond by asking if
they can pay in two or three payments some weeks or months apart, and end up
paying the full fee over time. Sometimes they pay less than my fee, but this is
actually quite rare. I feel OK with what ever they decide, and leave the
decision in their hands. All relationships require give and take and my job is
always to maintain a balance, else this interferes with the integrity of the
relationship.
Was going to add my 2 cents to one other topic but can't remember what it was!
So, all for now, and so happy to see the names of so many that I know and love
around the world, on every continent (except Antartica??). My best to you all.
xxsheila
Sheila Saunders, RN, LMFT
www.systemicfamilysolutions.com
PO Box 1011 Weaverville, North Carolina 28787
828-273-5015
Even If It Costs Me My Life! by Stephan Hausner; available for $33 plus
shipping - hit REPLY with BOOK in subject line.
"When we have passed a certain age, the soul of the child we were and the souls
of the dead from whom we have sprung come to lavish on us their riches and
their spells." -Marcel Proust (In Search of Lost Time)
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
From: travelerjbjb@xxxxxxxxx
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2013 08:29:15 -0800
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] Re: The most important qualification to be a
constellation practitioner
"Jack - I still do not understand this one: The healthy healer: Has let go of
outcome, need to solve, help.
In what other occupation or profession is it desirable for the provider to
let go of outcome, need to solve, help? If my dentist or auto mechanic had
that attitude, I would seek out another one. What makes it different for
Constellation Facilitators?
Dan"
Dan,
Thank you as always for creating a lively thread.
I imagine that what you read of my remark was one of semantics. Specifically I
believe it is important for me to let go of my idea of what is a good outcome.
Certainly I need to be aware of whether I did a good job facilitating
or not but after this I must let it go. If I get hooked into a certain
idea of outcome, this may sway my facilitation in negative ways.
I am not sure I can compare facilitating a constellation to fixing a car. The
problem with this comparison is that when we are fixing a car the mechanic and
the owner have an agreed upon, good desired result which is measurable (a good
running fixed car). When working with the field, we as facilitators
have an idea of what a good result is, but we do not know for certain.
We are limited in our wisdom here. We need to first and foremost do our best
then let go of our personal perception of a good outcome for we truly do not
know. The field knows what a good desired result is, we do not. We must have
faith in this.
The second part of my sentence is easier to define. "Need to solve, help."
The key word here for me is "need" This is a very different sentence for me
than if I had written "want" I find that some healers need
constellation/therapy/etc., to go well to support how they feel about
themselves. What I am saying here is that the healthy healer has let go
of any "need" (their personal needs) for a desired outcome for the
client.
I completely agree with you that having a focus on a good outcome for a
client is valid and relevant. But I would state that I "want" a good
outcome for my client and I would "want" to be the best that I can be
regarding my facilitation. However I believe that if I am coming from a
place of needing this, then I am aiming for trouble and it will impact
the quality of my service to the client.
Blessings to all, happy facilitating.
Jack Blackwell
________________________________
Jack Blackwell(720) 458-5363
Connecting Spirit & Psychology ~ Creating profound insights and Healing
Family Constellation Workshops & Trainings, Holotropic Breathwork
Visit us at ArtistryInHealing.com
And like us at:facebook.com/ArtistryinHealing
________________________________
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