Sheila, thank you for reminding us of the very important point that it is not
up to the facilitator to know what is "good" in the context of the client's
healing.
My stance - insofar as I have words for it - is that as facilitator I am in a
position to notice patterns which may be invisible to a person who is in the
midst of them and I have tools which can loosen those patterns and provide more
opportunity for those patterns to untangle themselves. I do believe that such
loosening, such untangling, always tends toward healing - but I don't have the
knowledge to know how that healing will show up in a person's life.
So as facilitator I am paying attention with all my senses to patterns and
especially to where there is tension or ease in those patterns - and to
decrease tension and increase ease where I can. (To "facilitate" actually means
to "ease.") But I do my best to let go of my own opinions about what would be a
"good outcome" for the client. That's not my job - and when I get caught up in
my own opinions of what is "good," I am likely to be less capable of decreasing
tension and allowing for more ease for the client.
Deborah Gavrin Frangquist
Career & Life Design for Professionals, Artists & Executives
415-346-6121; mobile 415-642-0225
www.ChosenFutures.com
--- In ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, sheila saunders <peacefulcentre@...>
wrote:
Jack, et al.,
This is such an interesting topic. For me the distinction involves the
definition of "good". I actually have no idea what is "good" for a client.
Western medicine tends to overshadow the definition for many people in the
western world, and in that paradigm "good" is an absence of symptoms. I have
used alternative medicine all my life and am quite accustomed to the
"aggravation" that often comes when a healing process is activated and one is
on the way to a cure.
When the client reaches me, are they still on the way down in their process
or are they on their way up? I don't know. Perhaps they will feel
disappointed with the work, or confused, or elated, or surprised. I don't
know. All reactions are possible.
All I do know is that I come to the interaction with a tool and some
knowledge about how to use it. I'm happy to share this tool with those who
are in the process of looking for something in their life. As Stephan Hausner
and others have said, "all healing is self healing." If I can assist in
activating a client's ability to self heal with the tool that I enjoy using,
I'm happy to do so. Which direction that healing takes them is not my
business; I have no idea what their path is. I don't define the outcome as
either "good" or "bad". Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, or have come
up against my own limitations or in some other way my ego intrudes, but I
have not felt the need to judge an outcome experienced by the client. Even on
the few occasions when a client has gotten very angry with me. I use such
events to learn from, and do examine my part, but try not to take this
personally. As observers, myself and my colleagues have often seen outcomes
that we might judge as negative only to find out that there was immediate
improvement in a client's symptoms thereafter. So I leave the outcome up the
the soul of the client, and I keep watch on my soul, what I am learning
through these interactions with the field, and where I am going on my own
path.
On another topic, I have charged one price for all participants since I began
offering workshops. Aside from an earlybird discount open to all. Personally
I am even peaved when attending a workshop where a reduced price is offered
to a couple who can have twice or more the income I have! And I don't offer
"sliding scale" either. To me, it is as if one is saying "here is my fee but
feel free to pay me less." There are times when someone cannot pay my fee,
and I leave it to them to initiate this discussion with me. When they do, my
answer is always the same, "Pay me what you feel you can pay." Often they
respond by asking if they can pay in two or three payments some weeks or
months apart, and end up paying the full fee over time. Sometimes they pay
less than my fee, but this is actually quite rare. I feel OK with what ever
they decide, and leave the decision in their hands. All relationships require
give and take and my job is always to maintain a balance, else this
interferes with the integrity of the relationship.
Was going to add my 2 cents to one other topic but can't remember what it
was! So, all for now, and so happy to see the names of so many that I know
and love around the world, on every continent (except Antartica??). My best
to you all. xxsheila
Sheila Saunders, RN, LMFT
www.systemicfamilysolutions.com
PO Box 1011 Weaverville, North Carolina 28787
828-273-5015
Even If It Costs Me My Life! by Stephan Hausner; available for $33 plus
shipping - hit REPLY with BOOK in subject line.
"When we have passed a certain age, the soul of the child we were and the
souls of the dead from whom we have sprung come to lavish on us their riches
and their spells." -Marcel Proust (In Search of Lost Time)
