Thank you David and all,
This thread has been extremely interesting to me, and Id' like to share my
personnal expereince.
As a young woman, I did everything I could to get pregnant. After years of
running here and there, having many painful tests, I realised that I wouldn't
get pregnant. No physical reason was ever found. I started therapy that went on
for years. I finally left my husband and he later on had 2 wonderful children.
After many Constellations, I stopped looking for the reason. What I see today
is that because I did not have children, I could have the experience of being
on a spiritual path, learn Family Constellations and help this approach to grow
in my area of the world.
I still feel sad at times when I see babies and my friends as grandmothers.
Yet, the experience of childlessness has been a great challenge for me to take
life as it is, exactly as it is.
Thanks to what was shared here, I can now honour the Fate of Childlessness in a
new way.
Thank you all
Claire Khudai Dagenais
----- Original Message -----
From: david@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, March 02, 2011 10:16 PM
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Re: Fertility and the fate of the unborn
Dear Friends.
Thanks to all in this thread.
Sabine, I found your story very touching and respectful. Thank you
for sharing.
And thank you Gary for mentioning Bert has often wondered why Honoring
the Fate of Childlessness is not an option most consider.
Family Constellations is one of the windows to the bigger System. If
we all serve the bigger system, then in some way, we could consider
that Childlessness has its place, even though the reasons for this
maybe are beyond our understanding. In Family Constellations we often
see our fates linked to our own or our families situation, even tribal
or village or nation, different types of souls similar to the ideas of
Daan Van Kampenhout. But in the bigger System there may be other
fates and purposes.
Fertility issues, like health issues can have a tempting quality for
facilitators, that to be able to have children is right, however, we
also say there is no right or wrong in Constellation work. We try to
work without judgement, but this can be challenging and can be
influenced by our preferences.
Regarding fertility, I agree with you, Maria Paoli, that the spirit of
Motherhood seems to be very important, and the Family can lose this
connection.
Also, since fertility in passing on life, then sometimes loyalty to
the family can be not to pass on life. Once I saw this from the male
side, because of a belief that the family ancestry was 'bad' and the
family should end.
But regarding issues of Fertility, and the fate of children, in a
broader sense, a couple came once wanting to see the effects of an
abortion they were planning. On the first day I just talked to them,
and did not do their case because I did not feel comfortable. They
wanted to see the effects on their child they already had, and any
possible future child. They wanted a boy and they had a girl and now a
female pregnancy. Overnight I realised that my uncomfortable feelings
were linked to my sense of self and ego. The next day we did their
case. It was rather like doing two Constellations as we saw how each
parent had very deep individual reasons for considering the abortion.
The Constellation ended with both representatives of the parents and
the unborn child embracing and a strong sense that the girl would live
and there would not be an abortion. Two weeks later I heard that they
had aborted the girl. It was a very interesting case to reflect on. If
we respect destiny, then there was no right or wrong answer, and the
Constellation was not supposed to fix anything or save anyone?s life.
After all, often we see in Constellations that love is not about life
or death, but having your true place in the family. The case raised
issues in me of what is the purpose of Constellations and what is my
intention as a facilitator. Questions that are with me always. The
Constellation gave the couple some understanding of the ties and
dynamics of their family. And in terms of healing, maybe the case did
heal in ways we don't understand, and maybe not. The effects of the
Constellation live on, because once we do a Constellation, its energy
is always there.
Thanks to all
David Mathes
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