Carlye - Thanks for the translation. Bert's observations fit my experiences
of looking at forgiveness in the frame of Constellations.
Here is an excerpt from the chapter I wrote on the topic for an academic
textbook. It agrees with Bert and gives practical examples of applying
these principles.
Forgiveness
In ethics and politics, forgiving is an act designed to overcome the
inevitable errors and injuries that are ubiquitous in human relationships.
When we forgive, we recognize and respond to offenses against us by
interrupting, instead of repeating, cycles of resentment. To Arendt's
(1958) understanding, "Trespassing is an everyday occurrence.which needs
forgiving, dismissing, in order to make it possible for life to go on.. In
this respect, forgiveness is the exact opposite of vengeance" (p. 240).
Ordinary forgiveness frees both the victim and offender from the confinement
of vengeance and blame, which left unimpeded, could recycle indefinitely.
Committing a criminal act upends the balance in relationship between the
victim and offender. The offender, by virtue of having unrightfully taken
something, incurs a debt, both to the victim and society. To restore
balance, civil societies have legal systems that administer punishment.
Whether through physical pain, incarceration, financial penalty, or exile,
punishment is designed to even the score. After the offenders have "paid
their debt" they are entitled to be free from further obligation and
restored a position of good standing in the community.
Receiving forgiveness represents a special way for a guilty person to have
their state of innocent belonging restored. By receiving forgiveness those
who caused harm are excused from having to be further punished. By offering
forgiveness, victims no longer hold claims over them.
Arendt in formulating the necessity of forgiveness also draws limits around
it. She points to acts designated as "radical evil," which are so
destructive and irreversible that they can be neither punished nor forgiven
(p. 241). Can the healing power of forgiveness be extended into situations
that cross the borders of trespass into the territory of radical evil?
Gobodo-Madikizela (2003) acknowledges that applying Arendt's philosophy of
forgiveness to acts of radical evil has unexpected consequences:
"Although forgiveness is often regarded as an expression of weakness, the
decision to forgive can paradoxically elevate a victim to a position of
strength.. The victim becomes the gatekeeper to what the outcast desires -
readmission into the human community.. In this sense, then, forgiveness is a
kind of revenge" (p. 117).
There is a risk when the forgiver adopts such a superior position, as the
'good one' absolving the 'bad one,' that the gesture is a form of vengeance
thinly disguised as an act of virtue. This type of forgiveness does not
offer a lasting resolution. Instead, what better serves trans-generational
healing is an attitude towards forgiveness built on compassion.
An Indigenous Approach to Forgiveness
We can find formulas for trans-generational forgiveness in the ritualized
practices of many indigenous cultures. For example, the village of
Shefar'Am in Israel lies on the ancient trade routes linking Beirut,
Damascus, and Jerusalem. The villagers practice the traditional peacemaking
process known as Sulha which has its roots in early Semitic writings,
Christian scriptures, and Islamic Arab literature. "Sulha is first and
foremost based on forgiveness" (Jabbour, 1993, p. 31). This form of
forgiveness is a community-based process that involves not only the offender
and victim, but their immediate and extended families, a council of trusted
elders, and members of the community-at-large. It integrates words and
deeds.
Sulha begins when a traumatic event, such as murder, occurs in the
community. It is understood that absent a reconciliation process, the
killing can initiate a blood feud between the families of the victim and
murderer that can spill into the next generation. The Sulha is led by a
group of respected elders each of whom is viewed as wise, fair, honest, and
trustworthy. The elders control the process, which sometimes takes months
to achieve a full resolution. Forgiveness within the context of the Sulha
requires that the offender publicly acknowledges their guilt, expresses
remorse, and offers meaningful (even if sometimes symbolic) restitution.
The grandparents, parents, and children in the affected families come
together for an elaborate public ceremony. In front of the community, the
victim's family accepts the offer of reconciliation and swears not to seek
revenge. The ceremony ends with speeches, prayers, handshakes, and a shared
meal.
Trauma and Forgiveness
When traumatic crimes and injustices committed in one generation are not
resolved, successive generations are drawn into the fray. Within the United
States, the impact of mass traumas such as African slavery and the genocide
of the Native Peoples still reverberate in collective consciousness.
Immigrant groups, who escaped from extreme circumstances such as the Nazi
Holocaust, Armenian genocide, or Vietnam War, pass the legacy of these
events to their descendants. Without fully comprehending their impulses,
children and grandchildren often feel compelled to complete what they did
not start, atone for what they did not do, or inflict punishment on the
living for crimes committed by those who are now dead.
Trans-generational forgiveness cannot be achieved with a simple apology and
its acceptance. When the acts that caused harm are irreversible, the
pathway to forgiveness places special demands on both sides. For the
perpetrators, or their descendants, forgiveness requires acknowledging
guilt, expressing sincere remorse, and offering a reasonable restitution.
For the victims and their descendants, forgiveness is an act of deep
compassion and humility that restores the sweetness of life to the living.
Forgiveness leaves the guilt with the perpetrator and frees the victims from
the desire for vengeance. It comes when perpetrators, victims, and their
descendants include each other as full members of the human community. The
fate of all individuals involved are accepted and respected, even those who
committed acts described by Arendt (1958) as "radical evil." Such
forgiveness is never complete in life.
Even though they have perished, the victims and perpetrators of crimes and
mass trauma maintain their presence in the lives of others. One of the men
in my prison group told me this story. He has been incarcerated 33 years as
an accessory to 1st degree murder. During the crime, he left his
co-defendant with the victim. The victim screamed "Help me!" as he was
being stabbed to death. This man did nothing to stop the killing. He was
caught, convicted, and sentence to "life without parole." Five years into
his sentence, there was an attempted mass prison break from his cellblock.
He retreated as fighting broke out between prisoners and guards. He heard a
guard, who had been set upon by a group of prisoners, screaming, "Help me!"
At that moment, he felt the spirit of his murder victim come to life within
in. The spirit compelled him, literally propelled him, out of the room to
save the guard's life, which he did.
Afterwards, he did not reflect philosophically about this event. But
through our experiences with Constellations in prison, it clicked for him
that this was a very concrete example of the victim-perpetrator bond and an
illustration of how forgiveness works in cases of acts of radical evil.
Forgiveness is not complete. His guilt is not absolved, or even reduced.
But through the victim-perpetrator bond, a life on the verge of being lost
was saved. With this, he earned a measure of forgiveness and his dignity.
A child who loses a parent continues the relationship, carrying pain and
love in their hearts. Invisible loyalties can become a burdensome weight,
whispering the message, "Because you suffered and died so tragically, I
cannot find joy. I will avenge the injustice of your death." This
engenders a sense of innocence because it brings the survivor into closer
contact with the deceased.
In forgiving, the child can ask instead, "Would my father want me to
sacrifice my own life after his? Or would he want me to take my life and
make something good from it?" The answer, accumulated from phenomenological
evidence of Constellations is consistent: Neither vengeance nor sacrifice
changes the fate of the living or the dead for the better. At its core,
trans-generational forgiveness is compassion based on acceptance of the
past, acknowledgment of the existential equality of all people, and
reverence for the vast beauty of life.
