What a beautifull wedding that sounds like, Julie.
When we got married we were in a training to become constellators. Including
systemic principles came naturally. However, we also included elements that
were not specifically systemic. Here I will only describe the elements that
may be interesting for that matter.
For structural reasons, our wedding was three-parted. We live in Norway, and my
husband is from Australia. After having set the date for our wedding, my
husband lost his work. In order to stay in the country we had to get married
right away. Therefore there was first a sacred legal ceremony with my closest
family present. Then we went to Australia to have a ceremony with his family
and friends (unfortunately our two families did not meet). The Australian
ceremony was a name-change ceremony where I gave honor to my fathers
familyname, and took on my husbands fathers family name (I kept my mothers
family name). At the last ceremony, on the set date, everyone was invited
(Norwegians and australians, friends and relatives), and we had a ring exchange
ceremony in Norway.
In the lagal ceremony my father walked me up the isle, the traditional way,
however not in a church. We lit a candle each to symbolise our own uniqueness
and lit a bigger unity candle from those. The man standing to the right.
In the name change ceremony my husbands father came up to light a candle as a
symbol of the loving family that supported him. Although we had married with
vows in the first ceremony, we wanted to state to the Australians the
commitment we had made to each other. I truly felt more included in the family
after the ceremony, even though we were legally married also before the
ceremony.
To make a ceremony for the change of names were also beneficial. It held a deep
process in me when it came to namechanging, and it felt easy and right to let
go of my last name after having honored it in the ceremony. Below I will
copy-paste parts of the cermony script that includes the name change.
"Michael speaks to audience:
We realize that our marriage is not only a
celebration for us as a couple but for our whole family system including
previous generations. We draw strength, love and life from the many souls that
have married before us. We are honoured to feel the blessings of our families
supporting us.
Mari: We see our commitment to each other in marriage
as the best foundation for us to pass on the life that we have received. We
hold hope in our hearts that we will be blessed with children of our own.
Celebrant: As
Mari and Michael deepens their bond in marriage, we will see a merging of two
families, the Rosmans and the Sætres. We can see a fan of past generations from
both families standing side by side, doubling in size, and merging, finding
their place behind Mari and Michael.
Today Mari Eriksson Sætre will take on the family name that Michael John
Rosman presents her with." Here we talk about the origins of the names, mine
and his, and who carried them.
Then I take a farewell with
my current name.
I turn to the altar. Put down a flower for each
name.
Mari
Eriksson - Saetre
I give thanks to the name, and also say:
"The ancestors of Sætre, please look upon me with
kindness when I take on the family name of my beloved husband, Michael Rosman."
Then I turn to Michael and say
"I come to you. You can have me as your wife.
Today I willingly let go of my name for us to join life and clan."
Michael picks up an Australian symbol of nature from the alter, and gives it to
me as a symbol of his familys name.
Michael> This is my name of Rosman. I give it to
you with pride. May it serve you well and bring you strength. Will you accept
my name and my family?
Mari: I take on the name of Rosman in honour of you
and the life that has been passed on from your family.
Mari places the piece that she is given on the alter
in front of what represented Saetre.
Officiant presents the governmental papers to be signed,
Mari signs.
Officiant>
I present to you Mari Eriksson Rosman og Michael John Rosman."
At the end of the ceremony we invited everyone gathered to participate by
reading up rune-blessings that were layed out. We chose runes because lots of
rune inscriptions have been found in Norway, and to acknowledge our cultural
heritage also from England and Scottland. (Some of my husbands ancestors came
from Scottland some hundred years ago, as did some of mine. Therefore, our
doughter was named with a double-name that is Australian and Scottish -
Aurielle Iona)
For the wedding rings we had melted gold that we received, jewleries that had
been worn in both families, including my great grandmothers wedding ring. In
the handfasting ritual that was the last ceremony, we exchanged rings with
celtic patterns, made by a local Ausralian jeweller.
In the beginning of the ceremony, my parents followed me on half the path up to
my husband. Then my mother was invited up for us to exchange phrases. My father
had done the symbolic "letting go" thing in the walking Down the isle-giving
away in the first ceremony. To me it was important to have a symbolic element
with me and my mother. I said to her Hellingers words a little rewritten:
"Dear mama. I take everything that comes from you, all of it, with its full
consequences. I take it at the full price it cost you and that it costs me. And
from now on it is my intention to pass it on, like you have done. I take you as
my mother, you can have me as Your daughter. I am glad you took my father as
Your husband. You are both the right parents for me."
My mother said to me: "A long, long time ago, love made you, and laied you in
our arms. Through the years love has let you grow, untill you became your self.
Today love binds you to Michael, when you freely tie this bond. And the love
you grew from will always bless you, when you start the circle anew."
For the handfasting part of the ring Exchange ceremony, we used these words:
"Celebrant: Take hands, both of you. And all of
you who love each other, please take each others hands as well. We all
understand the gesture that you
are now making. To reach out to someone and be acknowledged, held, and loved is
what we want. Taking the hand of
one who loves you is the symbol of
that unspoken bond.
Lets all witness the handfasting of
this couple. The ties that are knotted are symbolic, but in reality these
lovers bind to eachother, the one to the other. The cords will be removed, but
the
union of their hearts and spirits is one they freely choose. A choice
that will be made again and again.
We all understand that intimate
relationships can bring up thoughts and feelings that may become the grounds
for conflict. In a committed relationship we have the opportunity to see these
areas of conflict as a gateway to understanding ourselves and each other on a
deeper level. Mari and Michael is learning that conflict in relationship,
although unpleasant, can offer a key to breaking out of long held patterns and
thus deepening the connection and growth between them. I therefore ask you:
(Mari og Michael answers)
Michael, Will you bring suffering
into the relationship? I may.
Will you seek to return to your
adult self and your heart in times of conflict? I
will. (Mari is asked the same in Norwegian each time)
Mari and Michael, will you make
peace your first priority, and at those times when you forget, be brave, call
upon your resources, and take the first step forward to healing? Yes.
And so the binding is made.
(A tie is placed over our unisoned hands, one loop for each time)
Michael, will you share Maris
laughter and joy, and be present to her sorrows and pains? I will.
Mari and Michael, will you look for
the brightness and joy in life, will you look for the positive in each other
and also be present to darkness that may arise in the other? Yes.
And so the binding is made.
Michael, will you speak your truth
and challenge Mari? I will.
Mari and Michael, will you be
present to these challenges that you bring the other, so that you may grow
strong in this union? Yes.
And so the binding is made.
Michael, will you always give
gratitude and find respect for Mari?
I will.
Mari and Michael, will you remind
eachother of the Godness you see in your lover? Yes.
And so the binding is made.
Michael, will you dream together
with Mari and actively work towards their realisation? I will.
Mari and Michael, will you promise
to make something good out of your lives in honoring of this
union?
Yes."
At the end of the ceremony everyone gathered in a circle with us in the middle,
to symbolise that that the ties we knotted to eachother also connects us to the
community around us. In the ceremony we asked for other lovers to let it be a
reminder of their own love, and the bonds that have been made.
I have written this in the hope that possibly there will be inspiration for
others about to get married, or who is creating wedding ceremonies.
Kind regards,
Mari Eriksson Rosman
Tlf: 906 16 841
Jensåsveien 31
3474 Åros
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
From: j.toms2@xxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Wed, 17 Jul 2013 22:28:45 +0100
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] Wedding Vows
Hello Larry,
My husband and I renewed our wedding vows five years ago and we wrote
a ceremony based on family constellation principles. My husband had
the male community including his Father stand behind him and I had my
Mother and a community of women stand behind me whilst we spoke our
vows. We included missing relatives, our miscarried children and
members of our family who had died. Within our family streams we have
a rich mix of bloodlines- Turkish, Finnish, Polish, Jewish, Irish and
English, so we made a space for all of these cultures and countries
and acknowledged that a lot went into making us and that we have come
from a fertile cultural pot with its Christian, Muslim and Jewish
ingredients.
Our four children were present at the ceremony and were very much
included, each being called forward according to the position of their
birth.
We brought the element of fire into ceremony and had a fire torch
passed from one generation to the next (the ceremony took place
outside as nature is our biggest resource)
I still feel the fire burning in my belly and I feel blessed when I
remember that beautiful day
With love
Julie
On 17 Jul 2013, at 21:09, Larry Kessler wrote:
Has anyone heard of or created wedding vows based on FC principles?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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