Dear Maria,
I can truly understand your struggle as I have experienced something similar
albeit not connected to Constellations work. I was fortunate that in my case,
I had not seen the client for 3 months prior to his suicide. I still struggled
with what I could have done differently. Yes, there is always something that
could have been done differently and yet the same outcome could have been the
case.
As a Registered Social Worker, I am bound by a certain Code of Ethics, and as
myself I am bound by my own Code of Ethics…..sometimes my Code of Ethics
collides with the Social Work Code and sometimes they both collide with what we
are told or experience in Constellations Work.
What I have learned for myself moving forward, is to follow my Code of Ethics
first and see what unfolds.
As for what happened with your patient….I do not know if this story will help….
The son of a good friend of mine was in hospital for his 9th suicide attempt.
Everyone was concerned for his well being. I went with my friend to speak to
his very young inexperienced psychologist who was sure that my friend’s son
would not do anything to hurt himself. Within a week of being released he was
found hanged in his room in a safe house.
There was a constellation done for this family 2 years previous….the
facilitator tried many ways for a different outcome….Many could not see what
was happening including the mother of this young man.
I saw three deaths… 2 years prior to the suicide attempts.
My friends’ son did commit suicide, his father died 6 months later from
complications resulting from alcoholism.
We did do another constellation following his death looking for the primary
trauma in the family as I was told by a seasoned facilitator that his brother
was in danger of following in his brother’s footsteps.
It was very difficult for a number of years. My friend’s other two
children seem to be doing fine today. His sister is now working as a Grief
Therapist.
There was another constellation that comes to mind, that was done about a year
after someone’s suicide. It appears that the person almost had no choice but
to follow a greater calling.
All I can tell you from my suicide prevention training and my own personal
experience, that the turmoil you are experiencing is very much in keeping to
what follows a suicide. I worked through my experience with Somatic
Experiencing. The suicide did make me question for a while as to whether or
not I should continue in the helping field.
What I can also tell you, is that this client’s death has made me a much
better psychotherapist. I think of him often. It is as if we are now working
as a team with any other client that may be called to end their life.
My heart is with you,
Rosalba
Rosalba Stocco, MSW, RSW,
SE Practitioner
rstocco@xxxxxx <mailto:rstocco@xxxxxx>
34 Neeve Street
Guelph, ON
N1H 4C1
519 827 0528
www.rosalbastocco.com
On Mar 31, 2015, at 7:20 PM, Robert Grant erebees@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Dear Friends,
Language is important if we aim to be honest with ourselves. What was needed
and what has transpired are not the same. Life may unfold as it must and
indeed greater forces may determine outcomes. To say however that an
inevitable outcome was needed is once again a fundamental denial and
avoidance of our actual responsibility and reality, and therefore it is a
step towards dishonesty. It also deprives us of seeing how thing could be
made to work better.
Are we not inventing and projecting limited human qualities onto a greater,
maybe even unfathomable reality, in our desperate scramble for a sense of
acceptance? How amazingly convenient it is to say in the face of our utter
powerlessness and ignorance that well, this disaster is exactly what was
needed.
Best wishes to all,
Robert
On Wed, Apr 1, 2015 at 8:38 AM, 'Blossoming Heart Intuitive Arts'
heather@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:heather@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>> wrote:
Hi Maria,
I'm so sorry to hear about the suicide of one of your patients. Thank you
for raising your concerns and the code of ethics you have as a doctor. I can
imagine it would be difficult to negotiate if you were to recommend patients
to do Constellations work, as this is unconventional spiritual work that
views life and death through a different lens than the medical field.
Ultimately we cannot control whether a person commits suicide. All the help
in the world, including your attempt to help your patient with introducing
them to Constellations work, may not prevent them from going ahead towards
that fate. I don't know how much experience you have with Constellations,
but perhaps it would be best to be a participant first so you can feel
familiarity and understand the deeper wisdom for a while before making
recommendations to your patients so you can stay true to your first
obligation as a doctor.
This work cannot be contrived or controlled extensively. From my experience,
its intention isn't to heal but rather to bring deeper understanding to the
higher flow of life, balance and what we do for love. There can be healing
effects or a person can change life directions because of the
acknowledgement of the system, but it's not intended to promote wellness
like the medical professional states.
Your inner conflict and negotiating your role as doctor and participant was
exactly what was needed for that weekend you were on. Trust your limits,
inner voice and what you can and cannot control is part of the greater
movement.
Thank you for your contribution,
Heather
-----Original Message-----
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ;
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]
Sent: Tuesday, March 31, 2015 10:31 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] ethics and constellations
Dear all,
As a result of the suicide of one of my patients short after a constellation
done by a colleague, I want to rise an ethical issue.
As a physician, at least in Belgium, we are ALWAYS responsible for our
patients. I raised this issue before the start of the workshop I organized
for my colleague. This responsibility makes, that even if the colleague does
the constellation, I'm still the physician of my patients. My colleague did
not agree that I participated as the physician of my patients. His idea was
that I was as one of the other participants. Seen I could not take my
responsibility towards my patients, I stayed home the second day in order
not to disturb the ongoing workshop.
With the feedback of my patients, with the suicide in mind, the issue that I
want to rise is the following:
As a physician we have full responsibility for the well-being of our
patients, promote their health and relieve their pain.
The position is different for a psychologist or another care-giver.
As a physician, whatever treatment we use, including constellations, we
always have full responsibility for the treatment we choose and our
patients.
Second point is that patients always have to ask for help at the physician
in the first place. So, as a physician we are not allowed to send them
emails with invitations for workshops.
It's clear for myself that I was not acting in line with the ethics of my
profession that particular weekend. I placed the wishes of my colleagues
above the ethics of my profession.
Whether my presence at the workshop could have prevented this suicide, we
will never know.
For myself, it feels as very important that the ethics of my profession
could be recognized by colleagues doing constellations.
Mieke
Maria Goossens, MD
goossens.maria@xxxxxxxxxx <mailto:goossens.maria@xxxxxxxxxx>
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