RE: [ConstellationTalk] thank you and farewell
- From: "Barbara Eggenberger" <beggenberger@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 9 Jun 2008 13:55:08 -0700
Oh dear Danuta,
The exchanges around Bert Hellinger have felt so important in bringing peace
to the situation. It's like a family entanglement that doesn't get worked
and ends up being a block to love in the system. When it gets seen and
heard and held it moves and becomes integrated with the system and part of
the flow. I am grateful to all who have shared your bitterness and pain and
confusion about Hellinger's shift and I sincerely hope that the process has
been healing for you as it has made a huge difference to me. Thank you all.
Logo
www.barbaraeggenberger.com
916.484.5016 503.727.2595
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Danuta Jirik
Sent: Monday, June 09, 2008 12:13 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] thank you and farewell
Hi, I would like to be taken off the list, please.
As valuable as some of the topics are, I do not want to continue witnessing
the maligning, and even attempts at psychoanalyzing, of the man whose work
gave me my life back. I connected to the work through the name Hellinger,
not Ulsamer or Beaumont or other, and so this is the name that I hold in the
highest regard. I honestly don't care to know if someone thinks Hellinger is
"split" or not. Those are personal observations and sharing them on the
public forum seems inappropriate. For me Bert Hellinger is and will be the
greatest, because without him and his name I would still be where I was
several years ago, living a life that was not my own. And for this
transformation I'll be forever grateful to him, and I will not say one bad
word about him no matter what he does in his private of business life.
I met him in person for the first time in Pichl2 and what I saw was a great
man, and a human being. If I focused on what I might perceive as weakness I
would be missing the greatness. I believe we always have a choice about what
we connect to in any situation of person. I seek to resonate with Bert
Hellinger's deepest wisdom. There's so much to gain!
Reading some of the posts on this forum has been taking my attention away
from the essence of the work and into the realm of gossip. What I've been
watching is not my fight, and so I walk away.
I wish everyone well, and I appreciate what I've gained.
Danuta Jirik, Ph.D.
Gail <gail_m_allen@xxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:gail_m_allen%40hotmail.com> > wrote:
--- In ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com> , "Bertold Ulsamer"
<bertold.ulsamer@...> wrote:
Dear friends
I worked hard about my thoughts how it came to the actual split. You
can find the roots much earlier. For those of you who speak German I
write you my ideas
Bertold
I'm not sure if anyone else has been working on this, but for non German
speakers here below is a translation of Bertold's ideas which is more
easily understood than the Google translator version,
Gail Allen
Fremantle, Australia.
Bertold Ulsamer's Commentary on Bert's statements in Barcelona
(February 29 - March 2, 2008)
http://www.hellinger.com/deutsch/virtuelles_institut/bert_hellinger/dasn\
<
http://www.hellinger.com/deutsch/virtuelles_institut/bert_hellinger/dasneue
familienstellen.shtml>
euefamilienstellen.shtml
<
http://www.hellinger.com/deutsch/virtuelles_institut/bert_hellinger/das\
<
http://www.hellinger.com/deutsch/virtuelles_institut/bert_hellinger/dasneue
familienstellen.shtml>
neuefamilienstellen.shtml>
---------------------------------------
Personal introduction
There is a unique inimitable quality in Bert. It is radical ---- and so
it provokes. Just so did he provoke me with his words in Barcelona, in
both arguing and clarifying his own point of view. Thanks! And I have
always admired a deeper quality in Bert: how courageously he stands by
his own perceptions, feelings and judgments --- even taking the risk
that he can also be wrong. I take that here as encouragement to express
my own personal point of view.
Bert's Family Constellation Insights and Discoveries.
The discovery of the bondings within the family in all their varieties
and the means to achieve satisfying resolutions using the "Orders of
Love" is for me the important contribution Bert has made to the history
of psychology. Here I discovered something new, up to then never even
heard of. In addition, he formulated something personally essential and
unique with his words, even though it was obvious that he had been
influenced by many others before him. Later the topics of guilt, war,
and collective crimes emerged (Jews murdered in Germany, civil wars in
other countries) --- and even here Bert stands alone with his colossal
cognitive achievements.
It was immediately clear that in constellations within this collective
milieu, the distinction between good and evil simply vanished. Such
constellations transcend traditional morality, whose very foundation is
the mutual exclusion of good and evil. But also in constellations, which
were closer to the family, e.g. domestic abuse, something similar
happens. There is no moral judgment against the perpetrators, but only a
simple ascertaining of the facts and the consequences arising from them.
In constellations, something of the "Mystery" shows up that
interconnects all human beings. It is not important how we label this
mystery. In the beginning, it stood for the word "Leben" [Life] --- and
I still like this word the best. Later came the word "Seele" [Soul]. But
then as the word "soul" was used so much that it became partly
drained of its "Mystery," Bert moved on to the word "
Geist".[Spirit-Mind] *[1]* (See footnote at end)
All these words are like fingers which point to the same
"un-name-ables." At a deep level, I don't see any
differences. Just about all the insights from Bert concerning family and
collective entanglements up to about the year 2000 are self-contained
and finalized.
His is a huge, enormous life achievement that will endure. But since
this time, according to my estimation, nothing of any real substance has
been added to the core of family constellations, neither by Bert nor by
anyone else (I do not speak here of other forms of constellations). The
insights, to which Bert attaches the greatest importance today, are not
"original" in same way. They are the same insights that many
mystics, of the most diverse origins, arrived at long before Bert. For
example, saying that "everything is one," that the "Spirit
works equally in all people;" that we are "all connected;"
that "there is no Good and Evil;" etc. --- these are all things
that Buddhists recognize in a similar way.
The crucial distinction with these insights is whether or not those who
speak these words also embody them. It is not the vehemence of your
expression that counts; it is not the acclaim you may receive, but
rather the silence and the peace which enfolds you. I did not encounter
such peace in the words I heard in Barcelona; instead I felt rage and
reproach.
The Effect of Family Constellations
Many years ago, Bert had already recognized in family constellations
that many devotees of a guru are actually yearning after their own
father's love, and that they consequently end up in a spiritual
dependency. And also for very religious people, he recognized that God
consistently represents the father. Originally, it came to me after many
of my observations (including my own self-observations), that for many
people in the early days, Bert represented just such a father figure.
For example, his consistently kind and caring demeanor was for me a very
special gift. When I became so agitated after reading his words in
Barcelona that I spent several nights being awakened again and again
from my sleep, I became aware that some layer of this original
relationship is still operating within me.
With the old family constellations, Bert became something of a genuine
paradox. Mainly because with this work he simultaneously managed to
resolve the childlike bonding made to Bert Hellinger as an icon of
guidance. Classical family constellations reconcile with the parents.
The more successful this reconciliation, the less someone will be
searching for an external father figure to show him or her the way.
People learn to stand on their own two feet and they connect with their
own power. Parents stand there also as symbols for life in its entirety.
Whoever has accepted his parents and ancestors at this deep level comes
into contact with life itself, as it is. An inner space of expansiveness
and silence can open up and surround this person.
Classical and new family constellations
I see several possible reasons for the fury of the words in Barcelona,
reasons which, if I am right, are all intertwined. The present schism
began about 10 years ago with the "Movements of the Soul." Bert
experienced this new way of working as a break with the previous way, as
a step up to something completely new. To the therapists who had already
worked with Bert for many years, it seemed more like a case of
Bert's own ever-expanding personal development. They could still
easily abide by the old forms and methods.
But this forthrightness was not possible for him. Bert carries within
himself a conflicted and "divided self," *[2]* which also
manifests today in that schism among facilitators. Whatever success he
had with the above described insights, they were not enough for him.
Something always drove him on further, almost a kind of compulsion to be
a pioneer and for a second time to break new ground and create something
new.
If I were to describe the development of Bert's constellation work
in general terms, then the first phase would be very close to the
father, or the male principle. Orders, structure, as well as the
"forgotten men" pushed to the periphery were brought back into
the constellations.
The next phase, which is still in progress, is entirely committed to the
female principle; it is energetic, yielding, expansive. And during this
phase, Bert emphasizes the mother and the female. However, it strikes me
that a part of the foundation has been lost due to this one-sided
emphasis. Now we will need the father again. Wisdom does not come
exclusively through the feminine.
Ten years ago, Bert began to devalue the earlier form of his work, often
belittling it in an almost contemptuous way. By doing so, he also
devalued the therapists, who were complying less and less with the
"Movements of the Soul" as a methodology and therefore kept on working
in the old form. So these therapists, who were previously loyal and had
stood by his side, but who could no longer match his personal
development with theirs, were gradually forced to distance themselves
from him.
His words in Barcelona reflect that. I quote: "Classical family
constellations mean this: Stay right where you are! That's it. Of
course that has far-reaching consequences for those who work
classically. You see, the word gets around that the classic is a
barrier. Then the word gets around to the clients as well. But progress
cannot be stopped. With these New Family Constellations, I have even
been accused of betraying the Classical Family Constellations. Well
that's true! I make clear definitions."
Yet at the same time Bert still adheres to his old work. Thus on his
German homepage, he still continues to sell the most important of his
earliest books: "Love's Hidden Symmetry" and the "Orders of Love".
He lives off the world-wide fame of his work; indeed, he even calls his
current methodology: "New Family Constellations." He is proud of his
old work and still claims it entirely and exclusively for himself.
I quote Bert:
"In fact, they are afraid to mention my name in doing whatever they
are doing. Then they call it `Systemic Constellations'. But
everything they do is based on Hellinger Constellations. There are no
other constellations! All fundamental impulses, as well as all essential
insights come from me. Not one of them has contributed anything
fundamentally new. Not one! And most everything they write about are
simply variations of my own insights."
"Thus, these are movements that are conflict-ridden; and they are a
[kind of] `movement of arrogance'. They take what I give them
and simultaneously malign it. That is strange."
With such words he creates an unsolvable contradiction, a classic
"double-bind" for the "classical" facilitators. Whoever
continues to constellate "according to Hellinger," he then reproaches
them for adhering to something that Bert himself has betrayed (see
above). But then, whoever does not consistently invoke the name of
Hellinger, he then criticizes them because, whatever Bert has given
them, they have arrogantly disparaged it.
The Story of "Orpheus the Great" and "Ordinary Orpheus"
It is an old inner conflict of a divided self *[2]* that Bert drags
around with him. It is most vividly expressed in Bert's story of
"Orpheus the Great and Ordinary Orpheus," one which he was very
fond of telling over and over again at his seminars in the 1990's.
*[3]* It contrasts two distinct "Orpheuses." On the one side is
"Orpheus the Great," the famous one from ancient Greek legend,
who pursued his beloved wife [Eurydice] in the kingdom of the dead,
whose wondrous harp playing melted the heart of Death, but who then came
to a lonely and tragic end. On the other side is "Ordinary
Orpheus," an obscure unknown figure, an ordinary normal guy of his
time, who played the harp only for his own enjoyment. He had found a
wife, had children, had friends; he died and no one knows anything more
about him.
The subtext that Bert added to this story at the end, was that the
normal, ordinary person was nevertheless much better off than the tragic
figure of the exceptional, extraordinary person. To whom was he really
telling this story? It illustrates both the schism and Bert's own
yearning for the Ordinary Orpheus, his need to be just a normal
"regular guy." And he was part way there. By the end of the
90's, he had already developed stronger and stronger friendships with
long time colleagues who had learned from him and who had "walked
the walk" with him.
He received their feedback about his work and even once I heard when
someone did not have a pleasant experience of Bert's way of working
with a client. An environment was created into which Bert --- with
complete independence --- became a part. But in the meantime Bert
systematically destroyed this environment.
His words from Barcelona are perhaps a final act in this direction. This
is how it seems to me: whatever I may yearn for is something I can never
hold on to permanently. If I happen to get it, I will then destroy it
and suffer from it. And then the rage covers over that pain. The drive
to become Orpheus the Great thus becomes stronger.
Quoting Bert: "I was given insight into the functions of the
conscience. Why were they given to me? Because I had no fear of God and
His punishments."
Bert's "inner splitting" also shows up in such sentences
- in front of an admiring public, mind you: "Deep inside me I
have an supremely profound need, and I feel very good about that. I
have a deep need to be forgotten. Then I am free, totally free."
(The audience applauds.)
"Hellinger Sciencia" is an expression of this tendency: "These
insights together are their own science, a science of human
relationships. I call it Hellinger Sciencia, because the essential
insights were bestowed upon me. By giving them my name, I am protecting
these insights from modifications and from short-sighted
interpretations."
But things only get ambiguous when Bert speaks about science. Because
science does not depend on personal insights, names and income. Science
stands in constant dialogue, is without respect; it scrutinizes, probes,
proves, and rejects --- thus exactly the opposite of Hellinger Sciencia.
Orpheus is beyond criticism, and the only way of access to one's
fellow human beings is to become disciples.
"As far as I'm concerned, I am open to everyone. Each and every
person who wants to be affiliated with the New Family Constellations is
welcome at any time." (The audience applauds.)
Yet that is just a pseudo-openness! Here's how he publicizes
"New Family Constellations":
"Then we learn from each other and exchange ideas, and no one exerts
power over anyone else." Well, if that wasn't possible for him
with his old, very loyal colleagues --- then how will that succeed with
a new, younger generation of facilitators?
A Few More Specific Comments
"Actually, it is true that this new association was founded out of
fear that I will soon die and that my inheritance must be distributed in
due time. But not by me. They took away the inheritance before I
allocated it. "
Family constellations are not some enlightenment experience as in a Zen
Monastery, where an abbot would determine his successor by transferring
his spiritual energy to him through the "laying on of hands."
Bert's realizations are not an inheritance that can be distributed.
They are not a possession. Bert's realizations have been given a
dissemination world-wide especially by means of his books, videos,
seminars and travels. Yet a great portion of them have already broken
far away from his person. There are innumerable facilitators, each with
their own authority and their own responsibility who have found their
unique way to apply this work.
I have the picture of a plant that has scattered its seeds to the four
winds. Many of these seeds have already sprouted and grown and have even
put forth their new seeds out into the world. The abundance that has
arisen from the original family constellations will neither be
controlled nor dominated. Moreover the associations of "systemic
constellators" do not have that as a goal. Here people gather
together, with their own accountability (and setting their own
boundaries), with the goal of doing the best they can to care for and
maintain the valuable instrumentality of the original family
constellations.
Quoting Bert: "They now have their own organization, to protect
those classical family constellations and even want to safeguard them
internationally, so to speak, against me. Isn't that crazy? But
that's how it is!"
Perhaps that is not as crazy as it sounds. I refer to the constellation
described in the text, where the Bert set up representatives for the
New Family Constellations, the Old Family Constellations, and the Future
of Family Constellations. In my "classical" understanding of
constellation work, the facilitator always strives as much as possible,
to be neutral and without judgment in order to allow the unfolding of
whatever it is that wants to show itself. If I already know what shows
up or what is supposed to show up, the necessary framework for the free
unfolding of the "knowing field" no longer exists. When that
happens, constellations are reduced to mere spectacles, pageants or
theater pieces.
Even though I was not present at the constellation --- the
above-described constellation does not seem to fulfill my criteria. What
happened after the representation of the constellation: The audience
clapped and cheered. That also supports my assumption. Constellations,
that are only done to demonstrate something are, in my eyes, an abuse of
constellations. Please, enough of such constellations! In this case, I
am really here for their protection!
Conclusion
In the beginning, the early facilitators, operated "according to
Hellinger", i.e. they used his insights in order to lead their own
constellations. At the same time, they allowed themselves be guided by
the " knowing field." Through this work, the once
"outside" insights became their own [inner] experience. They
relied on their own authority. Concurrently, the "Knowing Field" itself
is dynamic, and it develops itself further, leading into the depths.
This is what "classical" constellations means for me: that I
can enter deeply into this process and thereby enhance my own personal
growth. Perhaps Bert himself, now grounded in Hellinger Sciencia, has in
the meantime founded some sort of school for aspiring mystics, which
only uses the term "New Family Constellations" in order to camouflage
itself? So much of what I've read or heard lately points in this
direction.
His statements in Barcelona make it difficult for me to cultivate a
decent attitude toward his new work. I regret that. Previously, I
always treasured Bert's wisdom. And last week I was very happy when
an experienced colleague contacted me to say how rewarding it was when
he got to go home with Bert after a recent seminar. Therefore I wish him
to be more at peace with himself and with his earlier work and with us,
who constellate the "classic" family way.
===================
TRANSLATOR'S NOTES
*[1]* The German word "Geist," you may recognize as cognate
with the English word: "ghost." However, Geist has several
distinctive meanings. It can mean "spirit," but it can also
equally mean "mind" or "intellect". Bert has chosen to
blend these two realms of meaning together in the compound translation:
"Spirit-Mind"
*[2]* the single word used here "Zerrissenheit" is difficult
to translate with one word since it combines the quality of being torn
apart, split in half, divided or dismembered with the consequences of
those divisions in the soul, namely inner conflict or inner turmoil.
*[3]* The story of the 2 Orpheuses appears on pp. 325-326 of
_Love's Hidden Symmetry_. Its title is: "Two Measures of
Happiness."
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