Hi all,
Something simple I want to share.
I have worked as a General (Medical) Practitioner for about 20 years. Some
years ago I did a basic family therapy training over a 2-year period.
More recently I have attended a total of five days of family constellations,
including being a representative for others and having my own constellation
done.
I also recently attended the Conference in Wurzburg.
Such are my qualifications.
Now for a clinical story. Its process and outcome is fundamentally different
from anything I have previously experienced as part of my working process. I
will keep it brief, with minimal identifying details, because I believe it
is disrespectful to those involved to reveal too much. This also seems in
the spirit of the Constellation process as I have experienced it.
About 6 weeks ago one of my regular patients presented to me, worried about
her husband. She had recruited the help of her adult daughter to tackle him
about his behaviour. This had resulted in open conflict between father and
daughter, as well as inflaming the relationship between husband and wife.
What the woman further told me led me to consider that the husband may be
depressed, and so I gave her two pieces of advice. He should make an
appointment to see me, which he did; and I told her that it was a mistake to
draw in the daughter to a situation that was clearly an issue between the
husband and wife. She seemed shocked by the directness of this advice, but
did not argue.
A few days later I had the opportunity of seeing the daughter who presented
seeking a medical certificate for stress symptoms created by her conflict
with her father. I told her that what was going on between her father and
mother was none of her business and emphasized this by indicating that one
consequence was that she had missed days off work as a result, distracting
her from her own life.
I saw the father/husband a few days later. We explored a few issues,
including my concerns about his mood, which he rejected or denied, and again
I stated clearly that his daughter had no business interfering.
Nothing more was concluded or decided. The consultation ended with
equanimity.
A few days ago, about a month later, his wife returned for an unrelated
matter, which was addressed. She seemed to me more relaxed and at peace. As
the consultation was concluding she mentioned that things had settled down
at home. Her husband had got a new job that was more in keeping with his age
and experience, and he was much happier.
A few points.
No formal family constellation was done.
Principles I have learnt from participating in family constellations were
employed.
I know real (second-order) change has taken place.
I know it because I sense it first within myself.
I know it even though I cannot prove it.
It is because I cannot prove it that my ego cannot claim credit for it.
Because my ego cannot own it, the egos of the other persons do not have to
resist it. They are then free to accept the responsibility to make their own
changes.
Which is as it should be.
I could say much more. But I won't.
best wishes,
Chris Millar
