[ConstellationTalk] Re: Rape

From: <daniela.terrile@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sun, 5 Feb 2012 18:35:40 +0100

Hello Patrick,
I was participant and one time representant in the case of 2 or 3
constellations about rapts. And I made myself one constellation about this kind
of trauma.
What I can share about this experiences:

About the facts:
The main difficulty is that the parents were not protective enough or she was
herself in fault. And the anger against them or herself is, of course, directed
to the raptor...
Most of this cases are related to sexual abuse or other abuses. This make it
difficult too because the young/little girl can had love or sexual emotions to
her raptor.
She can have lost a part of herself during the facts (innocence, trust in
herself, a part of her soul...) and it is now necessary to retrieve her
integrity.

About your fears regarding the future: it seems, indeed, that women who has
been sexualy abused are anxious to be non-protective enough for their own
children. They become superprotective, and it is feeled by the children as an
abuse too.
But you can see to end with a perspective to her children: how to be when they
will grow...

About your fear to make a new trauma.
Look at her interrest first.
If you are not trusting yourself enough, send her to a colleague or to your
teacher.
Perhaps you can enjoy a supervision before to see her on this case: perhaps you
have to learn something about yourself and this kind of experiences.
After that, or without that, if you feel that you can trust the representants,
go ahead with care... and trust the group and the helps coming from the group
and from the representants.

About the cares and the protection frame.
1. With one level of protection (in this case I should set up more protections
-see  hereunder).
You can give her, sitting near her (someone like a nurse), during the
constellation. Someone who is responsible to protect her (like a good mother,
protecting her child).
This person has the responsability and the power to stop the constellation each
time it would be necessary, or definitively.
2. Sometimes this kind of trauma needs to organize a serie of protection lines:
It takes a lot of time to install, but it is really helpfull to her to feel the
protection and the power of the persons empowered to stop the rapt or the
events.
In this case, you install one person helping her like a good mother, near her
(see above)
+ 1 one representing her on a chair (like normaly), but just before her,
sitting in the group (first level fo protection)
+ one level representing the representant of her...
so that she participates in a third or 4th level.
If necessary, only the protections are placed at the first time... and no
constellation.
And later, a constellation (with 1 or more protections again)
Each person representing her or helping her has the right to stop the
constellation or to intervene.
Only the representants know what is her feeling and if it is secure enough,
because she DON'T KNOW anything about security. And probably her system also
not.

Hoping it will help you to help her on one way or another !
Kind regards,
Marilyn

Marilyn Droog
Brussels

________________________________

From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Patrick McNally
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2012 2:40 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Re: Rape



                Gary and All,

                Reading Gary's beautiful explication of forgiveness below is
                timely because I have a young woman (early 20's)
                who has asked for my help regarding rape while she was in
college.
                I've not dealt with rape before, and while thinking how we might
                proceed in an upcoming workshop, I feel she very much "blames"
                the rapist for the devastating effects the experience has had
on her
                life.  She's in a relationship, plans to marry and have
children, and
                I can only surmise that if left unresolved the rape will have
bad
                consequences for her children.

                Is my feeling right that the rapist has become a member of her
                system, or am I taking that too far?  It's not murder,
                but the degree of violation seems in her case to result in
closeness
                between her and the rapist, rejected by her, that must come to
                light.

                I have a bit of fear to proceed, not wanting to cause any
                harm, and also recognize that confronting my fear could
                open us up to a deep experience in this field, if that's
                appropriate to her.

                Wanting very much to help her, and appreciating any
                comments from the group.

                Patrick McNally

                ________________________________
                From: "Gary@xxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:Gary%40CHIfield.com> "
<Gary@xxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:Gary%40CHIfield.com> >
                To: "ConstellationTalk@yahoogroups. com"
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>

                Sent: Wednesday, February 1, 2012 3:33 PM
                Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Transcending Forgiveness through
Acceptance by Gary Stuart




                Transcending Forgiveness Through Acceptance

                Today, many healers, seekers and therapists have jumped on a
                dysfunctional bandwagon without realizing the systemic
consequences at
                hand. Bert Hellinger, renowned philosopher and developer of
                Constellation work and Spirit-Mind movements, has reported for
many,
                many years that there is a hidden symmetry and order to love.

                As a facilitator of this modality, I must concur that I find
these
                bold statements to be very true and will gladly help anyone
explore and
                understand the philosophy and reasoning behind them. As always,
let your
                heart decide what is right for you and your well-being.

                Practicing the "Art of Forgiveness" can be very damaging to the
                so-called "forgiver" on many levels. This act of superiority
may not
                serve their best interests no matter how well-intentioned. This
superior
                attitude that seeks to be bigger than a perpetrator or any
painful
                situation actually diminishes the effectiveness of release that
only
                acceptance can consciously bring about. The "forgiver' actually
                perpetuates the pain of victimization in an unhealthful way --
upon
                themselves and, unconsciously, upon others as well.

                If the desired goal is to release oneself from pain and
suffering in
                order to heal a deep wound and move beyond an endured atrocity,
the very
                idea of "forgiveness" becomes detrimental to both the Forgiver
and the
                Forgiven. Systemically speaking, we would call this being "too
big,"
                arrogant or presumptuous, as it robs the perpetrator of
responsibility,
                whether it was our parents or any other person who has done us
perceived
                "harm." It also disrespects the bigger fate and destiny of our
whole
                ancestral line. In doing so, the "forgiver" attempts to elevate
him or
                herself to the "top" of the whole hierarchical system, as if he
or she
                was the creator of life itself -- showing pity on these poor
little
                subjects under his or her command. In reality, the most recent
addition
                to any larger family system has no right to judge those who
came before,
                as they are the newer members in the larger hierarchical
framework known
                as a family. Sure we all have our opinions and feelings, and
these are
                in no way meant to be negated, but if anyone truly wants to
break the
                cycle of Perpetrator/Victim, "forgiveness" is NOT the way to do
it. It
                is then the Victim who carries both energies, thereby hurting
themselves
                with a heavier load of toxic baggage that enslaves them to the
past.

                ReSOULution

                There is a way out, however, that is more simple, profound and
                completely healing, leading to a restoration of love, order and
harmony
                for all concerned. This liberating state of "non-forgiveness"
is simply
                called "ACCEPTANCE." Can we be small enough and humble enough to
                acknowledge our place in the larger context of a
multidimensional
                generation of forebears from whence we inherited our DNA? We
received
                the Gift of Life through them despite their suffering and
turmoil. This
                dualistic condition in which we are living provides wonder and
horror
                equally. The key is to honor and accept life itself AS IT IS.
This
                action of accepting imperfection (even the living dynamics of
                catastrophic change) will lead us back to our inner and outer
harmony,
                providing us with dignity and strength. These qualities will
only help
                us accept the gifts and challenges equally that life
continually seems
                to toss in our path. It is the ACCEPTANCE of everything "as it
is," from
                our families to our human history, that releases us all from
the chains
                of the past and points us toward a better tomorrow.

                Just as the arrogance of "forgiveness" weakens us, the humility
of
                "acceptance" empowers us. It is ours to decide which feels best
and does
                the most good. Always remember, we did not create the cycle of
life. We
                are merely participants, and our day in the Sun lasts for a
very short
                time.

                This is our chance to enjoy, transform and better ourselves and
our
                children, just as those who came before did for us, whether we
know it
                or not. Taking our rightful place as the smallest member of the
family
                system allows us to evolve into something great. Honor and
gratitude,
                along with ACCEPTANCE, breaks the cycle of slavery to which
Forgiveness
                binds us. Our ACCEPTANCE of life AS IT IS, along with accepting
our
                parents AS THEY ARE and our larger family system AS IT WAS,
relieves us
                of our self-appointed role as judge and jury. To remain neutral
without
                judgments also leads us to accept the good things we inherited
more
                deeply. By letting those who wronged or hurt us own their own
                Perpetrator/Victim energy, we release ourselves from the
entanglement
                and let the fate and responsibility rest where it belongs --
with them.

                This isn't about blame or shaming others for the choices they
made.
                It is about honoring our own part in it and the acknowledgement
that
                with acceptance comes release. Life seems to be inherently
good, as
                everyone who shares life has always tried to follow his or her
good
                conscience to the best of their ability. Often such incidents
occurred
                in a place and time pre-dating your own creation and admission
into the
                family system -- and which, on the deepest of levels, was
probably
                agreed to all along. Accepting these simple truths will free
you and
                strengthen your resolve without any need to "FORGIVE." Bow Down
in
                thankfulness & gratitude as you ACCEPT your life as a Gift that
was
                Given.

                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





--

Marilyn Droog
Administrateur-Déléguée

Abunde s.c.r.l.

Expertise en systèmes complexes
Formations ciselées à la commande
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rue de la Fauvette, 15 - 1180 Bruxelles
Tél : + 32 (0)2 375 89 31
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Entreprise : BE 0444921182

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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[ConstellationTalk] Re: Rape

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