Dan, I believe you were "right on" with your concern for the client. One challenge a facilitator has is holding the space on the floor and being fully aware of where the client is in his/her process. The more the client is fully present, not trying to shut off his/her own emotions, the more they are able to assimilate the constellation on a cellular level. Some clients will go into their head, or "leave their body" so to speak when it gets too painful. Or they put all their energy into stopping the feelings, tightning up and shutting off the energy flow. I have found it helpful to slow down the constellation, or pause the work on the floor, and work for a few moments directly with the client, helping them to breath their way back and come to the space of being fully present and allowing all the
emotion to come up in them. Helping them be fully present. I love working with a partner now that works directly with the client while I am on the floor. My partner is an energy worker (teacher at Barbara Brennan School of Healing) and I found blending our two modalities to be very powerful.
I work differently than the classic school, in a very non directive manner, (representatives have no awareness of who they are standing in for) and the field moves itself to bring the most prevalent issue to surface. Often the field will move itself toward resolution or so much so in that direction that it takes minor intervention from me to complete the movements.
All the best,
Dee
>From: "Dan Booth Cohen" <danbcohen@xxxxxxx> >Reply-To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx >To: <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> >Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Formulaic versus Phenomenological >Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2005 14:10:21 -0500 > >The recent exchange about alcoholism and my continuing growth as a >facilitator brings up the question of how we mediate between working from a >formulaic structure versus working from a stance of phenomenological >emptiness. > > > >What I am noticing is that I tend to be more phenomenological in the opening >stage of a Constellation and more formulaic at the end. For example, I >worked this week with a client whose issue was that he had been adopted and >felt always alone, emotionally pained and depressed. I asked him to set up >representatives for himself, his adopted parents and his birth parents. >This step was basically formulaic. > > > >Once the representatives were placed, I suspended my preconceived ideas >about how it should be and let the field emerge. The representatives were >all looking away from everyone else. The picture that emerged was that the >mother had become pregnant after sleeping with a stranger. She rejected the >baby and gave him away. The adoptive parents had lost a baby and replaced >it with the client as a consolation; they too rejected the baby, >particularly the adoptive mother who became quite hostile towards her >substitute son. This all came through without my "doing" anything. Here, I >was in a phenomenological stance. > > > >Once the dynamic became painfully clear, I sought a healing solution. I >looked at the client in his chair and he appeared to be in agony. He was >half-looking, half turned away, twisted into himself with his fist over his >mouth and tears on his cheeks. So far, so good. I felt like I needed to >bring him out of this state somehow. Here, I became more formulaic. > > > >While being cautious not to impose the healing solution, I nevertheless >acted with a certain amount of purpose and intention. I'll skip all the >intervening steps, but my solution was for to him to agree to it all exactly >as it was. I had him say to each parent, "If this is what you needed to do, >I agree. I accept my life from you at the full price it cost you and the >full price it cost me." He then bowed to each. Then I brought in several >representatives to represent his future. He was able to lean back on the 4 >parents and face what was ahead with love and strength. > > > >I am leaving out many details for the sake of brevity. The client was >inflated at the end; not ego-inflated, but inflated like an empty balloon >that was filled with air. He not euphoric, but seemed to have grown and >bloomed (a cactus flower?) in the space of 45 minutes. > > > >The formula was: see it, acknowledge it, accept it, grow forward into life. >The "it" comes phenomenologically, since I did not care or impose what the >"it" is. Whatever "it" is: see it, acknowledge it, accept it, look to the >future. > > > >This dialectic between being open to whatever emerges and being directive >towards a healing outcome seems to influence our work. I'm sure each of us >deals with it a bit differently. My question for the group is how do you >see yourself working between these two poles? > > > >Dan > > > > > > > > > > > >-----Original Message----- >From: Dee Yoh [mailto:deeyoh@xxxxxxxxxxx] >Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2005 10:10 PM >To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx >Subject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] alcoholism > > > > >Here are some notes I pulled from Love's Own Truth on alcoholism & addiction >I thought you all might find to be interesting. > >As a mother, she has an incontestable right to see her child, and the right >must be respected. But the child's well-being has precedence over her >rights. As long as she is addicted, there is a certain danger for the child, >so one has to consider what the most sensible solution would be for the >child. When she's cured of her addiction, there's no longer any objection to >her visiting the child. > >One reason people become addicted is when a mother says to her child: >"Everything that comes from your father is worthless. You must take only >from me." Then the child takes so much from the mother that it does harm. In >this pattern, addiction is the child's revenge on the mother because she >prevented the child from taking from the father. > > > >The child takes so much food and drink from the mother that she harms >herself. That's addiction, when a person takes so much more than is needed >that he or she is harmed. That's why addicts should be treated only by men. >Women are not capable of it, unless they really respect the addict's father. >If they do, they may be able to represent him. > > > > What if the father is an addict? A. If the mother wants to help her son, >she can say to him, "I love your father in you, and it's okay with me if you >are like him." The effect is strange. For if the father is respected in the >son, the son doesn't need to become an alcoholic. The procedure is directly >contrary to what often happens in practice. > >Imagine that your addicted parent is lying on the floor drunk and the spouse >looking on helplessly. Go lie down beside her and look at her with love. > > > >Life-endangering addictions, for example, heroin addictions, are sometimes >concealed attempts to commit suicide. > > > >The mother of an addicted child very often despises her husband and lets the >child know that nothing good can come from the father, but only from the >mother. When this happens, the child takes so much from the mother that it's >harmful. Addiction is the child's revenge on her mother for not allowing her >to take from her father. I've actually seen some addictions cured if the >father, as well as the mother, is allowed to give to the child and the child >takes from the father while the mother watches. > > > > "He's just as important to me as you are, and I take from him everything he >gives me, just as I do from you. I'm a ______ (say last name)." It's very >difficult to do authentically with love, and it takes a lot of courage. > > > > > > > > _____ > >Yahoo! Groups Links > >* To visit your group on the web, go to: >http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ConstellationTalk/ > > >* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: >ConstellationTalk-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ><mailto:ConstellationTalk-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=Unsubscribe> > > >* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of ><http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Service. >
