[ddots-l] Guaranteed Ways to Make Horrible Recordings
- From: Rui Vilarinho <ruialby@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <ddots-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2012 12:01:20 +0100
Hi guys, I hope you find the folowing very funny, make us thinking though!
Guaranteed Ways to Make Horrible Recordings
1.Always start with a mediocre song. The less thought that goes into the song
the better. If you're the songwriter, just throw some music and lyrics together
as fast as you can. The key is to start recording as soon as possible.
2.Don't bother with pre-production or any form of planning. The arrangement
will just magically happen for you. It's best to just dive in and hope for the
best.3.When you start recording, never take the time to listen to the
instruments/vocals in person. Always throw a mic in front of them and listen on
headphones. You're better off not knowing what the source actually sounds like.
4.Always use multiple mics when you can. If it sounds good on one mic, it will
sound twice as good with two, three times as good with three, etc. etc.
5.If you're not happy with the sound you're getting, don't worry about it. You
can always fix it in the mix. Just get something recorded.
6.When choosing a microphone, just pick the one that looks the best in front of
the singer/instrument. Trying out different microphones is a waste of time.
7.To get that "studio quality" microphone sound, place the mic as close to the
source as humanly possible. Trust me.
8.If you've got some sort of outboard compression available, USE IT.
Compression always makes recordings better. Just go for it.
9.When recording, make your levels as hot as possible. The meter needs to be
just a few pixels away from clipping.
10.Acoustic treatment is a scam. Those acoustic treatment companies are just
trying to rip you off. It makes NO difference on the sound of your recordings.
Don't buy it.
11.Once everything is recorded, go straight to mixing. Editing is a scam. If
anything is out of time, it is NEVER okay to edit it.
12.When mixing, use at least 5 plug-ins on every track.
13.Just like with recording, keep the levels of everything really loud.just shy
of clipping. In fact, if you don't have a lot of clip lights going off during
your mix, you're doing it wrong.
14.When using EQ, find the frequencies you like and boost away. The more
boosting you do, the better.
15.If your mix is starting to sound muddy, boost the lows and the highs some
more. That'll fix it.
16.Use LOTS of reverb. If you're not sure if you're using enough, turn it up a
little more.
17.You should have used a lot of compression during recording. Now that you're
mixing, compress every track, too. You can't compress too much. That's how you
get your stuff to sound professional. Use at least 6 dB of gain-reduction on
each track.that's just a minimum.
18.When you're mixing, don't really think about the song. Focusing on
arrangement and the "feel" of the song really doesn't matter. You should just
turn up the faders and go.
19.When you bounce your mix, be sure to throw a limiter on it right at the end.
Your mix MUST be loud.
20.Speaking of loud, be sure to master your own mixes. Mastering is simply
putting a compressor and limiter on your master fader. Crush the mix, then
limit it, so that the waveform of the recorded mix looks like a rectangle.
That's what the professionals do.
21.Don't take any criticism on your mixes. If the client doesn't like the mix,
he's clearly not a professional like you. Tell him to leave you alone.
22.Also, make it a habit to only listen to your mixes. Don't bother listening
to professional mixes. There's nothing to learn there. The only difference
between you and a professional mix engineer is luck. They got a big break, you
didn't. There's no difference in talent whatsoever.
23.If you're ever unhappy with your mixes, buy more gear.
24. if the guitar is out of tune or if you were off key while singing, don't
worry auto tune fixes everything
25. ask a vocalist to beat the crap out of their own volume to get maximum
level! and turn their own vocals in their headphones really loud with reverb
and delay so they can imagine they are singing in a stadium cuz it sounds so
much better!
26. ALWAYS MIX WITH HEADPHONES, MONITORS ARE A WASTE Of TIME....
27. It's also a great idea to make the singer feel as uncomfortable as
possible, tension always brings out the best in someone!
28. I suggest never using a limiter during mixing. Only during mastering.
#25 You don't need to tune your instrument every take. If it was in tune 30
seconds ago we can all safely assume that it is still in fact, in tune. Even in
the event that it is not, we can put that autotune plug in on it. It actually
sounds really good on bass.
#25b. You don't have to set up your guitar, it was expensive, the intonation
must be perfect.
#25c. But I put new strings/heads on last month!
HA! Nice. "My guitar was in tune three days ago, so we're good."
best regards,
Rui Vilarinho
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