Hi Ginny,
I totally understand what you are saying, and I understand that it does not
serve the child if the mother remains a victim. I was really just commenting on
the first statement that the therapist should not have any compassion for the
mother. I also understand where that may be appropriate, however, I think that
a casual visitor to the website that perhaps does not know the wide scope of
our work or how particular stances are contextual may conclude that our work is
very harsh in nature.
I concur that that the mother more often than not feels great releif when she
faces her guilt, like anyone that has guilt/remorse for an act.
My original request was for an article for a TV producer, when I saw this
statement my reaction was "bloodly hell, I'm definitely not going to send them
that!", instead, I've refered them to my own book that contains some statements
about adoption...
On this point, in a recent constellation (about 3 weeks ago), I had exactly
this situation, the adoptee was at the workshop. When we set up the biological
mother and the daughter, the mother could not look at her child, on enquiry the
representatice said "I'm not allowed to". It was only when I brought in the
grandparetns did anything change, and the mother could embrace her child. It
was very touching and moving. The constellation was a little more complex than
this, but to save space on long emails, I've shoretened my explanantion to
share my point. My client met her mother for the first time about ten days
after this constellation and they are building a relationship now.
Thanks,
John
----- Original Message -----
From: Ginny Vinson
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Sunday, September 11, 2005 10:24 PM
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Adoption
Yes, if you read just the sentences it does sound harsh, and I understand
your compassion for the teenage mother. Yet I believe the essence of what Bert
is saying is, if you side with the mother (allowing her to be the victim) where
does that leave the child? If you do that it puts the burden on the child to
forgive the parent. I have done constellations on adoption where the birth
mother feels much relief facing the responsibility of her choice.
Bert says one of the reasons he was reluctant to write books is when printed,
people often react to it as a fact or solution for every constellation.
Ginny Vinson
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