Hello All -
In what ways are female and male sexuality shaping the Field in this
Intensive?
If Bert is the Father...who is the Mother?
Bert Hellinger was a Roman Catholic priest before he fathered
Constellations. In the Catholic tradition, the priests are celibate and the
Son of God is fathered immaculately without the necessity of the male and
female engaging in actual sex. This false concept, that the father doesn't
need a mother is not particular to Constellations or Catholicism. Western
cosmology begins with Genesis. "In the beginning God created the heavens
and the earth." Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, and let them
have dominion over all the earth."
Genesis may be the creation story of Western culture, but it's not the only
one and it's not the oldest. But, it is the only one without a Mother.
Genesis establishes the order of men above, women below. It is more a story
of the displacement of the feminine in civilization, than it is about the
creation of the natural world.
According to Jewish folk tradition, or Midrash the female in Genesis 1:27,
"Male and female he created them" is not Eve. This original female, Lilith,
is the first woman. In the folktales when Lilith appears, Adam attempts to
mount her - take her forcefully and she resists, saying, "Why should you be
on the top and me on the bottom?" She refuses to be dominated and calls the
name of God. Through the magic of the Word, she is lifted away, but forever
haunts men who deny women an equal role. Lilith is the shadow figure of our
male-dominated civilization that devalues the power and creative force of
women. Men marry Eve.and then divorce Lilith.
The tension in the field of Constellations around the question of female and
male sexuality was brilliantly explored by Tom Mellett several years ago.
His raw and explicit talk about Bert and Sophie Hellinger's sexuality
eventually got him banned from ConstellationTalk. He was rude and crude, but
what he pointed to was active then and remains active today.
Constellations are often sexually arousing. Hugging and intimate embracing
is encouraged. It's a small step from there to grinding and full-out love
making. Clearly, we have a professional and ethical responsibility to not
let things get out of control. The 2007 Bernried Intensive that Anutosh
recalls broke up more than one marriage and created several new couplings.
As facilitators, we challenge our clients to open their minds and hearts.
How about opening to their sexuality? I feel a lot of repression around
sexual expression in the field of Constellations.
Dan
Dan Booth Cohen, PhD
Seeing with Your Heart: New Frontiers for Working with Love, Relationships
and Consciousness <http://hiddensolution.com/training/>
<http://www.hiddensolution.com/> www.HiddenSolution.com
781-718-7158
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] ;
Sent: Monday, August 04, 2014 3:05 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] If Bert if the Father...who's the mother?
Hello All,
Thank you, Alison for bringing this important and continuing question to
this forum.
Thank you, Eimear for bringing the specific issue out of the shadows.
Thank you, to all of the other teachers who have contributed so richly to
this thread.
For me, the Field does not rely on the form, structure or rules of
Constellations but rather, Constellations rely on the Field. Whether through
the process of Constellations or some other form, approaching this place
requires openness to wholeness: the deep place of silence, the grounded work
of analytical capacity and the personal power and maturity to find one's
voice in the co-creative process while respecting the process of another.
As Alison beautifully expressed:
"..it is Silence that holds the sacred.
It is also true that the sacred permeates all, and words can and do speak
from a genuine Truth - so it would be a misconception to say that words do
not also convey the sacred! (I don't know that anyone is suggesting that, I
just felt the need to acknowledge). Yet, we all know how words can distort
and seem to separate us from the deeper Truth. Yes."
While words can distort and seem to separate us from the deeper Truth, for
me, it is also true that a dogmatic "rule" of forced silence can equally
distort to the "Truth" - and enable denial of the "Truth". As many others
in this thread have pointed out, the dogmatic "rule" for silence is a very
different thing than the "guideline" and sacred need for silence - in the
moment, within the process - as described by Vinay, Anutosh and so many
others.
I deeply value the questions and introspection that Katia invites us into.
I deeply value the clarity that Anni offers regarding the deep and pervasive
constructs that have historically commanded silence - falsely claiming
"sacredness" to gain and maintain power and dominance resulting in fear
based compliance to silence.
I deeply value Leslie's wisdom in reminding us of our tendencies for
parental transference. I do not look for the "Father" or "Mother". I look
for the "inspired teacher/ facilitator" who is humble enough to be willing
to hear and learn from the wisdom and voice of the student/seeker. When in
the place of "teacher/facilitator" I hold myself accountable to do the same
- and know I will be humanly imperfect at it.
If a question, or issue continually comes up for many and out of the larger
Field, perhaps the issue deserves wholeness - both sacred silence and sacred
voice. When we find ourselves as teacher, do we believe ourselves to be so
above our own humanness, our own entanglements, to not explore the intention
behind any "rules" of silence? Or the intention behind our judgments of who
is of value, who is "ready," or who is too small to be here or there?
Perhaps we are called to maintain full adult responsibility for our own
processes whether we are in the role of teacher or student. From the sacred
silence, from our own ancestors, we may find not only permission to speak,
but in some instances, even a responsibility to do so. While I may value and
maintain the Sacredness of Silence, I can also choose not to be silenced out
of fear. I look for inspired (and inspiring) teachers, colleagues and
students who are willing to include and embrace The Sacred Voice that comes
out of The Sacred Silence.
In Gratitude,
Carolyn
Carolyn Zahner, MSW, LISW, Inc
513-697-0260
Private Practice, Integrative Psychotherapy
www.carolynzahner.com