tHANK YOU dAN!!!
DAVID
-------Original Message-------
From: Dan Booth Cohen
Date: 10/22/06 05:42:55
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] Re: Abortion
To All -
I've been following this thread with interest. I've not encountered
Constellations where the duration of the pregnancy came into play, so I've
nothing to offer on David's original question. As for Bert, he speaks for
himself.
We had a strong Constellation this afternoon in my "lifers" group that
offers an ambiguous twist on the subject of abortion and murder.
After our regular check-in, one of the men said he wanted to set up an
issue. He told us that there were two parts to his issue. First, he cannot
find peace of mind in relation to his parents. Second, his relationship
with his brother (now deceased) is a source of sorrow and shame. His crime
was a violent murder done in a fit of rage.
He told us something about his parents, who were both alcoholics. A
relative told him a few years ago that when he was one-year old his mother
threw him down a flight of stairs. His first memory was being beaten by his
father when he was about 5 years old. Between then and age 16, he was set
upon by his father regularly. His father beat him with closed fists,
breaking bones, and nearly killing him twice. After the beatings, his
mother would go to him crumpled on the floor and kick him a few times more.
She frequently told him he was a "mistake."
When he was 16, he fled from home and never went back. He didn't see a
family member for nearly 20 years, long after he had committed murder, been
tried, convicted and sent to prison. His next oldest brother hated him
because after he left, this younger one became the object of the parents'
beatings and rage.
He said that he has tried many times to find forgiveness, but his
forgiveness is short-lived, followed by rage and grief. "I want to forgive
once and for all."
I began the Constellation with a representative for the father and mother.
Almost immediately, the father began staring at the client in his chair and
moving towards him menacingly. I quickly brought in a representative for
the client to come between them.
Later I brought in a two representatives: one was rage; the other grief.
Then another unnamed representative to stand behind "rage" and "grief."
I'll skip over a lot of it to reach the aspect that is relevant to this
thread. The representative behind rage and grief was empty and passive most
of the time, but he spontaneously signaled that he needed to speak to the
parents. He told them, "When you became lovers, you had dreams of a life
together that did not include children. But fate made a baby between you.
The life you dream of, you could not have." The parents turned and looked
at the life they had and both were filled with unbearable remorse.
There was more, which I will omit. We found a healing movement that allowed
rage to leave. The Constellation ended in a good place.
The connection back to this thread is that mother didn't want the child.
She didn't have an abortion. She threw her baby down a flight of stairs.
The young man committed a horrible violent murder.
If the mother had aborted the unwanted pregnancy, would the murder victim be
alive today with children of his own?
As facilitators our role does not require us to answer such questions. We
stand aside the knowing field to aid the participants in reaching a healing
movement. I find reading again through this thread a testament to our
collective understanding (wisdom?).
Dan
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