Bertold, thank you for your insightful observations.
Some thoughts from my perspective to this complex issue from the male
side. When a young man remains, for whatever reason, in the sphere of
influence of his mother, then there is no or an inadequate connection to the
"masculine field" which would traditionally come for a young man through
moving into the sphere of influence of the Father. We might say that it is
through the connection to the masculine field that gives a man a foundation
for masculine power. (Power is used here in the sense of ability to act
effectively and not in the sense of power over something or someone.)
In this situation, the situation of a mama's boy, power comes from first
the mother and then through mother substitutes. This can look like a
physically or psychologically abusive man who feels powerful only when he is
abusing a woman, a sex addict moving from one conquest to another, a
fundamentalist trying to use his religion to "keep women in their place", a
wide range of compensatory behaviors and activities, to the completely
opposite behavior of a sycophant depending totally on women and everything
in between these extremes. When a man is dependent on women for his ability
to act, that is for his power, there is deep resentment, frustration, and
all too frequently rage directed toward women.
There is probably no way outside of a constellation to determine in which
parent's sphere of influence an individual stands. However, here in the US,
it appears to me that through observing behavior, one could safely assume
that a large percentage of US men are mama's boys. We even apparently elect
them to our presidency. President Clinton's childhood without a father and
then such family circumstances as those requiring him to protect his Mother
from an abusive stepfather would certainly lead one to suspect that a need
for conquests of women was necessary for a feeling of maintaining power.
Similarly President Bush's childhood with a dominate mother and largely
absent father might explain a pattern of sometimes extreme compensatory
behaviors.
In my limited experience, it has been very rare to find a relationship of
a mama's boy with a mama's girl. They just don't seek each other out.
Frequently in a relationship where there is a mama's boy there is a daddy's
girl. A fecund ground for frustration and resentment.
As a mama's boy, my constellation that connected me to my father and
through him to my masculine lineage was a profound and moving experience.
And I suspect that my movement to becoming daddy's boy will be a lifetime
movement.
Joseph Malinak
www.josephmalinak.com
