Greetings to all my teachers,
Appreciating the conversation and remembered some constellation
experiences regarding Viet Nam Vets.
One had to do with my assumptions. I had a young woman, barely in her
20's who had an issue regarding a non communicative spouse who would
not seek counseling with her. When the constellation was set up, the
man was clearly disconnected, looking down, nearly dead. I asked among
other things: Is he IN the military? (I assumed that he would be her
peer in age.) In fact, her husband was more than 20 years her senior
and because she was not even alive when he was in the military and in
Viet Nam, she did not have any frame of reference or identification
with his military experience.
Still feeling the field of something military I rephrased and
asked, "He was never in the military, no combat experience?" Then, she
said, "Oh yea, he was in Viet Nam but that was a long time ago."
The feedback sometime afterward was that it began a conversation
between them which she found helpful.
This was an early reminder that if I am trusting more in my constructs
and concepts than in the field, the work would be limited by my
limitations.
Something else with Viet Nam Veterans that is not rare is miscarriages
as a result of exposure to agent orange. This can be very charged in a
constellation because the U.S. military denied any damages as a result
of agent orange for many years so medical difficulties relating to
agent orange exposure were not considered service connected. (Post
Traumatic Stress Syndrome was also most often denied as a service
connected disability for many years...enter the epidemic of
homelessness among Viet Nam Vets.)
The conversations regarding the anatomy of the family soul have been
interesting. In working with people most often I first look to see,
and honor, what they believe. I do not insist on any other belief for
constellation work to be benificial. It has been helpful to refer to
the work of Rupert Sheldrake, the universal indigene, the sense that we
are all connected. I sometimes state that Hellinger uses the
phrase, "Family Soul" to refer to that connectedness and what a family
shares. At times, folks from different religious traditions and some
people who are lower income and not able to commit to intellectual
discourse are a bit confused by such descriptions. Particularly when I
have worked with fundamentalist Christians, I am careful not push
anything which makes them feel they are compromising their beliefs, or
their "immortal soul" to participate in constellation. I have had
Pastors and Priests, Elders, Muslims, Jews, New Age, Buddhists, Latter
Day Saints, Wicken, Christian and participants in the Native American
Church in Circles; and looking at their family system has not required
that they integrate any particular verbage or belief.
In some groups the conversation regarding the family soul is very
fluid, but I take care if it is not comfortable for someone.
I feel enriched considering the different interpretations and
descriptions, so thank-you to those who have been sharing in this
regard. As with many things in the field, there will likely be a time
when one, or more, of the descriptions will be exactly what is needed.
All My Relations,
Francesca
