Dear Chris and all
Chris wrote in response to Hania:
"I agree that more vigorous debate on CT would be a good thing. That can easily
be done without being sarcastic and disrespectful. In fact if everyone is clear
what respect meansthen this sort of debate becomes more possible."
I have been giving these words some thought. Years ago when our daughters were
small we had a German girl stay in our home to help with childcare. In our
meeting with the au pair agency the Principal mentioned the issue of respect.
She cautioned us about certain behaviors we might encounter which may seem
disrespectful. The example she cited was that if there was only one apple left
in the fruit bowl it would be considered in Britainpolite and respectful to
check if anyone else wanted it, or if it could be shared. A German girl would
most likely help herself without asking such questions but it should not be
considered as impolite or disrespectful, just different. The young girl who
came to us from Bavariawas an absolute delight - but true to the prediction she
did indeed help herself to the last apple ‘without consideration for others’.
Pre-warmed we were able to respond with benign amusement. On the other hand,
another au pair from S.E. Asia
was so “culturally respectful” in hanging her head when she spoke to us, and
never looking us in the eye, that we found it too upsetting and had to ask her
to find another home.
I am of course using this simple example to illustrate that while at first
sight it appears to be self- evident that we all know what constitutes
"respect" that, in fact, it is a complex issue of different cultural as well as
individual understandings.
Even within the same group there may be essential differences betweenthe
members as to what is seen as respectful, or not. We might imagine for instance
that within our constellators’ group where one fundamental of the work demands
respect defined as "the honoring of founders", that there would be a general
consensus about how to represent Bert Hellinger’s position on the new ISCA
website. In the gallery of photos of the influential contributors to
constellation work, the website authors presumably see it as perfectly valid to
have Bert's photo as of equal size to the others. Meanwhile others see it as
invalidating or downplaying his standing as the creative genius and founder of
constellation work. What some see as legitimate and respectful, others see as
dishonoring and regrettable.
Before I started this enquiry I thought I was pretty clear about what it means
to be respectful or not. Now I’m not so sure - I welcome any further
illumination
Wishing you all well from London
Barbara
Barbara Stones
stonesbarbara@xxxxxxxxxxx
020 8673 2508
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
