ONCE UPON A TIME, when birds were in charge of everything, the gene pool of a strange species of human beings was on the decline. Other species of humans were managing well but there were several small populations of minor species of human beings in serious trouble. DURING THE TIME WHEN BIRDS WERE IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING, there arose a group of birds who prided themselves as being humaners -- they, having far too much time on their hands with nothing to do, decided to start watching human beings. As humaners, they made lists of the human species they had observed and some of these humaners placed far too much emphasis on whose list was longest. Some even put great emphasis on having the longest list for a day -- while others just tried for a long list during a period of one year. But the life-list for most of these humaners was a source of great pride and comfort to them. Whenever a new species of humans was found, these birds would go many miles and show up in droves just to add another name to their list. Yes, for many, this hobby of watching human species had become an obsession. THESE BIRD HUMANERS began to flock together, forming a network of humaners complete with rules and bylaws and message boards and instant methods of communicating news of the appearance of a less-than-common species of humans. Quasi-professional groups of Humanothological Societies were formed in most states -- they designated themselves to be the keeper of the official lists. Should a humaner, especially a beginning humaner, spot a human being that was not on the official list and post that sighting to the message board, those older and card-carrying members of the Humanothological Society would immediately post sneering and spiteful comments ridiculing that novice humaner's impossible sighting. But occasionally there would be an enterprising beginning humaner who would get pictures of his find. Then the older humaners would flock together to see the sight and upon seeing the new species would add it to their list and feel even more superior and arrogant for having done so. THE WORD WOULD GO OUT, far and wide -- and birds would fly from everywhere to see a new human being species. Sometimes the birds would arrive in such numbers that the bird-police would have to be called to prevent them over-running an otherwise pristine and quiet place in nature. The humaners would arrive with their lists and their cameras and their tape-recorders/players. If the human species was not obvious and out in plain view, the humaners would attempt to trick the species into showing itself. Yes, these humaners were a devious lot offering sounds and foods specific to the species they were hunting. Why some of the humaners would even hire a guide to lead them directly to the place -- and pay this guide huge sums of money to see a plain, but somewhat rare, human form. This is the tale of one rare group of human beings which was loved to death by these misguided and overzealous humaners. ONE HUMANER GUIDE, offering trips to other humaners (in groups of ten at a time -- ten seems to fit nicely into a large van somehow) was from a frost-proof part of the country. Whenever he would hear of the sighting of a new species, he would send out advertisements of that fact and note that he would be willing, to sell for some shillings, a chance to see said new species. And off he would go with a lot of humaners, mostly old with blue feathers, to observe the latest human species found in a region. WHEN OUR STRANGE AND RARE AND GENETICALLY THREATENED SPECIES OF HUMAN BEINGS was first spotted by a novice humaner, the small group of humans was barely managing to maintain a small breeding population in the high mountains of Tennessee. The novice humaner, spotting these strange and new critters, told a local hunter in his region about them. It turned out that this hunter was one of the leading humaners in the state and he confirmed that the critters were for real. (A hunter and a humaner -- now that is a rare combination but this fabled one was revered far and wide. Besides, he said his prey tasted just like rattlesnake.) The word went out. Eventually, even the professional guide to human beings down in the frost-proof region of the country learned of this rare sighting. The guide got together a flock of humaners to come and watch. They arrived, one flock after another, completely destroying the peace and serenity of the human beings' habitat. THE GUIDE insisted, for scientific study purposes only said he, that he should set traps so he could band some of the human beings. One breeding male and three breeding females in the group were killed by this banding action and five juveniles and immatures died of starvation when their parents didn't return. Several others in the breeding population were so frightened that they left the group and started living along, electing to suffer genetic death, rather than face the horror of the humaner and his traps and bands of metal that he wanted to strap around a leg. Some of the members of the breeding population of human beings thought that the presence of a metal strap about their leg made them so unattractive that they stopped trying to reproduce. THIS SMALL BREEDING POPULATION of human beings diminished by almost ten per cent as a result of the trapping/banding attempts. Because the humaners who were paying the guide to see the species were demanding "show us the species or return our money", they became more resourceful in attracting the humans into view. A group of them told the guide, "It is time to start pishing" and the guide immediately relieved himself much to the dismay of the group. They, on the other hand, started in with the pishing process and succeeded in calling up twelve humans who otherwise would have been busy building shelter for their family or cooking a meal for their hungry children or weaving a warm coat for the baby so that he would be warm during the coming cold winter. After all the confusion of the pishing ended, the disruption to the small human group took away another fifteen per cent of their numbers due to poor nutrition and poor housing and improper winter weather gear. STILL, THE GUIDE WANTED TO SHOW OTHER GROUPS OF HUMANERS (of course they were willing to pay big bucks to add another species to their life list) this small population of human species in the wilds of Tennessee. All of the activity of the humaners had by now created such a tourist attraction that the once isolated region was humming with activity. The guide started using tape-recorded messages to call up the human beings. Almost every time he would play his taped message, a fickle human mate would think he or she was hearing the call of the most seductive one ever and leave the nuclear family in the midst of procreation -- and end up suffering genetic death because there was no way to get viable gametes from the guide's tape player. When the tapes were played during the humans' breeding season, the disruption was so great that more than half of the remaining bonded couples split apart as a result of the seductive calls being broadcast throughout their range. IT WAS DURING THIS TIME that one of the more resourceful human beings, a tough female from Mississippi, began to trick the humaners with ripe persimmons. She would deliberately place large ripe persimmons where the humaners could find them and they would then often stop their pishing and playing records to eat the delicious fruit. The guide, being from a frost-proof place, didn't know about persimmons and frost. This resourceful human female deliberately placed some green persimmons directly in the path of the guide who immediately fell upon them and ate them all. The human population was free from intrusions from the guide for a period of time during which he had the trots. ALAS AND MOST UNFORTUNATELY, however, the guide finally recovered and resumed his tours of the region disrupting and eventually destroying the viability of the very group he professed to love and protect. FINALLY, the breeding population of this rare and exotic human species became so small that its gene pool stopped evolving. The population was loved to death by all the activity of the humaners. WITH APOLOGY TO ALL FABLE WRITERS AND LOVERS OF THE APOLOGUE FORM. Terry Thornton Rinnie, TN (North of Crossville on the Cumberland Plateau) =================NOTES TO SUBSCRIBER===================== The TN-Bird Net requires you to sign your messages with first and last name, city (town) and state abbreviation. ----------------------------------------------------- To post to this mailing list, simply send email to: tn-bird@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx ----------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe, send email to: tn-bird-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with 'unsubscribe' in the Subject field. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Topographical Maps located at http://topozone.com/find.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Visit the Tennessee Ornithological Society web site at http://www.tnbirds.org * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * TN-Bird Net Owner: Wallace Coffey, Bristol, TN jwcoffey@xxxxxxxxxx (423) 764-3958 =========================================================