Hi all,
Thank you to everyone that responded to my request for an article on adoption.
All of the resources that were pointed, I already have, I was specifically
looking for an article as such, but thank you anyway for your efforts and sense
of community. Whilst searching I came across the following:
"Comments on adoption
In family constellations it is very important that the therapist has no
compassion with those who were guilty. If such a mother would come to a
psychotherapist, how many psychotherapists would have pity on her. What happens
if they have pity with the mother? How is their attitude towards the child?
They have no pity on the child. Therefore in family therapy, the therapist
first of all gives a place in his heart to the person who has suffered most.
And this is the child. He looks for a solution for the child, and he does not
take away any responsibility from those who were cruel on the child. Not that I
condemn these parents. We don't know the circumstances. But still, they were
the parents and they were responsible for the child. The truth was, that they
gave away the child forever"
If I were unfamiliar with constellation work, I would find the above quite
offensive, in fact, I still have a few problems with it as I feel it is not
fully explained and does the work we do no justice. For example, most, if not
all, of the women I have worked with that have given up a child for adoption
were mere teenagers when they did so and therefore I feel that they are
deserving of compassion as for the most part, it would seem that their parents
had more to do with the decision making process than anything else. In such
cases, I would say that the grandparents of the child are the ones that gave up
their grandchild forever. Any thoughts?
Altough I agree that the child is the one that has suffered the most, does not
the mother suffer much under theses circumstances, in my view, very much so.
How can a child of 16 challnge its parents and keep a child against their will?
I am certain that Hellinger does not mean to say "In family constellations it
is very important that the therapist has no compassion with those who were
guilty" is applied tosuch teenage girls who give up their children under
duress.
I find these statements rather strong.....
regards,
John
*************************************************************************
The South African Institute for Family Constellations
Tel: 011 614 0821
www.familyconstellations.net
NEW BOOK: "The Healing of Individuals, Families and Nations"
Details: www.familyconstellations.net/newbook.htm
