Language and metaphor are of course important, and I value immensely all
that the community of facilitators and participants say which
contributes to communicating more clearly to others that healing is
available in ways they hadn't imagined.
But I think we should stay away from thinking that quick results are any
measure of our work or that understanding constellation work better can
prevent the discomfort - sometimes extreme - of becoming more deeply
engaged with Life and disengaging from our previous ways of coping. We
should also remember that healing and resolution begin before the
constellation is set up and continue long after the representatives have
left the circle.
I have been involved with constellation work since 2000, first as a
frequent participant, now also as facilitator. I am still growing into
greater understanding/awareness/healing from my very first
constellations (2000 - as representative) and the first constellation I
asked for for myself (2001 - the very fact that it took me so long to
believe I "deserved" a constellation is indicative of how it was then
for me). Healing and growth have neither beginning nor end, and I have
come to appreciate the "aha" moments in which I think "Oh, now I get
it," about a constellation moment days, months, or years ago.
In practical terms, I find it works best (for me and, more importantly,
for clients) to create the invitation first and explain later - before,
during and after the formal constellation.
Happy New Year to all.
Deborah Frangquist
Dan Booth Cohen wrote:
"Freud knew there was a river. Jung knew there was a river, walked to the
rivers edge, but didn't stick his toe in. Bert Hellinger has us standing in
the middle of that river."
"Facilitators are out there on the skinny branches."
Thanks for these pearls Ellen, (Christine Essen), and Gary. They help
crystallize my question.
First, I don't want to take away or diminish the successes we achieve. As
Gary correctly points out, we can do our jobs well even if our group
participants are overly attached to their stories. In my example, what's
most important is that the mother and daughter who were in crisis are now in
a better place.
My question involves a smaller, less important point. Still, it is
important to me because it stands as an obstacle to expanding the reach of
Constellations in the directions that Alan suggested.
Say a person who is facing an overwhelming crisis is referred to me. She
does not know me or Constellations, but the situation is so serious and
other approaches have not worked.
She asks, "Tell me about what you do, so I can decide whether to participate
in your circle."
I can answer,
A) I use a creative European approach for fostering peace and reconciliation
in difficult relationships. Best known as a Systemic
<http://www.hiddensolution.com/constellation%20description.html>
Constellation, this gentle, nearly-silent group process transforms
emotional, physical or relationship problems. A Constellation circle is
neither psychotherapy nor a spiritual practice.
Or B) Freud knew there was a river. Jung knew there was a river, walked to
the river's edge, but didn't stick his toe in. I'll have you standing in the
middle of that river.
Implied in this metaphor, is the promise that she won't drown or be swept
away in it. It begs the question: Standing on what in the middle of the
river? If Freud didn't and Jung didn't, why should she trust plunging in
with me?
The first answer is slightly more inviting, but leaves her quite unprepared
for the actual experience. The second answer is more revealing about the
experience of Constellations, but will people agree to it?
This is not simply about what to write on our fliers and websites. The
adoptive mother in my case example did not know what she was getting herself
into. Perhaps if she had been better prepared - if my description had been
more clear and accurate - it would not have taken 6 months for her to come
around to appreciating it.
The lack of a good vocabulary for describing what a Constellation is holds
back the advancement of the work along the lines that Alan envisions. Let's
keep working on it and sharing our successes and those dreaded "learning
lessons."
The Change Dancer
Dan
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