Hello Vinay,
It is great that you have brought up the issue of more dramatic
expressions in constellations. As it has been mentioned before the
facilitator is part of the field, in fact central to the field.
Usually his/her personal sense of safety will constitute the limits of
the group.
Most facilitators in my experience understandably pull back from
cathartic expressions. Even if allowing cathartic intensity was to be
important to the deeper healing process, it is often too much to
handle, too troublesome, too noisy, too gushing, too unregulated, too
uninhibited and can even feel outright disturbing and scary.
Once the lid is lifted it might take longer than we like for the
bubbling to settle down. Short, few hours long workshops may not be
appropriate for allowing such intensity to emerge. And yet wouldn't it
be fascinating to discover how far we can travel on that path?
"You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the
greatest quality of the mind next to honour." (Aristotle)
Best wishes,
Robert
On Fri, Mar 1, 2013 at 4:47 AM, Steve Vinay Gunther
<spirited@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I just finished doing some constellation work in Mexico. Particularly notable
were three constellations (all on the last day!) related to family members
who were murdered .
The most intense was a woman whose daughter had been murdered 3 years before
- the issue she brought was her hatred of the murderers. I was cognisant of
discussions on this list, about caution in such cases. So I proceeded very
slowly, and didn't attempt too much. I placed reps for the two murderers in
front of her, and the whole rest of the group stood behind her supporting her.
She had so much emotion, so most of the time I just spent helping her stay
present, breathe, feel the support of the group, and allow her feelings to be
in her body. It was very intense for everyone of course. We brought in a rep
for her daughter towards the end, as she had some important things to say to
her. I wanted to do more, but that was really as much as everyone, including
her, could take in.
I had a discussion afterwards with my host, who comes from a more cathartic
therapy orientation. He felt it would have been good for her to express more
of her hatred directly, and that in Mexican society, women are often trained
not to speak up. I guess I weigh in with the tendency I have observed in the
constellation ethos of a more subtle approach, involving presence,
acknowledgement and being with the 'what is'. But I can also see the validity
perhaps of a more dramatic expression at times, and perhaps it would have
been good in this case, as she wanted to move to forgiveness (prompted by the
rep for the daughter) - perhaps too quickly. Interested in what others think.
It struck me that families of victims tend to get little to no support for
really processing the trauma of such occurrences; and without the such
support and guidance its very hard to truly find a way to move through such
experiences.
--
I also did an organisational process for a local community school. They split
from another local community school, because they didn't like the autocratic
ways of the director. So this school was much more democratically organised.
Some of them were complaining of wanting more structure. At one point, we put
out all the main elements operating in the school field. At my suggestion,
they also included a rep for a 'director' position. Of course, that was
placed right at the edge of the room. We did various reorganisations of the
constellation, but the director rep had a headache. Until I found the best
place, which was centre front of the whole constellation! Ah, you just can't
get rid of important elements of the system, no matter how bad the experience
previously was…
--
I find myself more and more careful about whether or not a piece is really
suitable for constellation work, and whether the person is truly in the right
frame of mind. I am more willing to have a personal conversation, or do a
piece of personal therapy, if I feel that its not really something thats
right for a constellation. And I am more willing to stop constellations when
I can see that there just isn't movement in the system…and do something
different. For instance, one constellation was a classic 'double bind' for
the son. It was clear that no matter where he stood in relation to the
parents, he was going to be made wrong. I couldn't see resources in the
constellation, and rather than try to proceed, I stopped the constellation,
and told him an Ericksonian-type of story instead. He was disappointed, but I
think I did him a better service.
Another woman wanted to do a constellation about very difficult conflict with
her 10 year old daughter. But as I enquired I found her husband suicided and
she had not told the children how he died. I thought a conversation with her
about the matter was much more important than a constellation.
I think what I am saying is that I see that just because we have this
fantastic tool of the constellation process, its not always what the client
needs. And although sometimes its good to simply stop, I think that having
other therapeutic tools means we can perhaps offer the client another
approach.
Vinay
