Dear Chris,
THANK YOU
As you wrote this, I was sitting here, practising all the head lowerings I
could come up with in my body and exploring the feelings that went with
them, including military ones, dejected ones, giving up ones.
I feel we very badly need all the understanding we can about what trauma
does to us.
President Putin used the word shame for what Bolsheviks had done to the the
Polish elite 70 years ago, the first bow, and the first knee-fall, another
gesture of many meanings.. and i felt His shame was so healthy, so
heartfelt, so heartwarming, so honourable, full of dignity for himslef and
those who had suffered, honouring them from the heart, reaching out through
pain with a brave heart recovering, reclaiming and upholding love, in this
case the most intimate conenction being that between Slavic brother nations.
Putin who was in the KJB and certainly capable of hard action. I felt it did
exactly that, Putin's feeling of shame made him safe for himself, safe for
the Poles, here shame is already the open-hearted regret of painful doings.
It is not the shame of someone who is afraid of losing belonging, this shame
is only self centred.
Thank you,'and give us more of such good things!
On Sun, Apr 18, 2010 at 10:46 AM, Chris Walsh
<chrisjwalsh@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>wrote:
Hi all,
This is a fascinating thread.
Thomas made the very interesting point that bowing is a movement back into
ourselves that precedes a genuine encounter with the other.
This points to the connections between humility bowing and shame. Shame has
received a terribly bad rap from therapists over the last 20 years and yet
shame has evolutionary survival value. Charles Darwin described it in
humans
and other animals in his book 'The expression of emotion in man and
animals"
published in 1872 along with "Origin of the species". We all intuitively
know this. We know that someone who is "shameless" is dangerous both to
themselves and others.
Interestingly the main precipitant for shame is an interruption or
rejection of interest or disapproval from another. The psychosomatic
expression of shame involves loss of tone especially in the neck causing
the head to bow and the whole body to slump. There is a very powerful
impulse to avoid eye contact which aids the withdrawal into ourselves as
Thomas described above with the bow. Our mind also becomes foggy and if we
try to be physically active we become awkward. (like Jerry Lewis)
We can go into toxic shame if we criticise ourselves for our clumsiness and
inability to think clearly whilst in this state. This state can last for
weeks and is horrible. People can then get a depression where they sleep a
lot. That is where shame gets its bad name. To avoid this we develop
dysfunctional ways of dealing with shame. We can attempt to energise
ourselves by generating aggression and attacking the other person or even
by attacking ourselves or we can just try to avoid the feeling by going
into
a narcissistic defence (shamelessness). This can involve the use of alcohol
or other drugs. Finally we can just get stuck in withdrawal as if we are
hiding in a cave.
If however we have a healthy relationship with shame then the shame puts
the
brakes on our enthusiasm. Instead of fighting it or criticising ourselves
we
recognise that the shame is a natural mechanism to slow us down when our
enthusiasm is not working. In the withdrawal phase we stop what we have
been
doing and move back into ourselves - This is actually bowing to fate. Then
we wait for the right impulse at the right moment. That allows us to
reconnect with ourselves and if possible it allows us to reconnect with the
other. This is coming up out of the bow. This healthy relationship with
shame gives us good timing, flexibility in our responses and a natural,
dignified and non sycophantic humility, a humility that allows us to let go
of our ego attachments while still having a place for healthy pride.
So instead of the sad attempts to fake humility that we often see in
spiritual communities we now have the possibility of authentic humility.
AND
bowing as we do it in constellation work is a key to understanding all
this!
hasta la vista
Chris Walsh
806 Lygon St Carlton 3054
(Melbourne, Australia)
ph: +61 (0)3 9347 4300
fax: +61 (0)3 9347 4355
web: <http://www.cwalsh.com.au/> www.cwalsh.com.au
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>]
On Behalf Of William Mannle
Sent: Saturday, 17 April 2010 6:25 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
Cc: <constellationtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<constellationtalk%40yahoogroups.com>
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] Orders of Love revisited - bowing
Hi all,
All good stuff!
There is a article in the Fall 2008 edition on Tricycle Magazine
entitled "Long Journey To A Bow." The final paragraph sums it up best
for me:
"To bow is to no longer hold ourselves apart from the unpredictable
nature of all of our lives; it is to cultivate a heart that can
unconditionally welcome all things. We bow to what is, to all of life.
By liberating our minds from ideas of "better than," "worse than," or
"the same as," we liberate ourselves from all views of "self" and
"other." The bow is a way to the end of suffering, to an awkakened
heart."
Thomas, more on the child's sense of self, parents etc., later.
Best,
Bill Mannle
On Apr 15, 2010, at 6:54 PM, Deborah Ellis
<deborah-arin@xxxxxxxxxxx<deborah-arin%40hotmail.com>
<mailto:deborah-arin%40hotmail.com ;<deborah-arin%2540hotmail.com>> >
wrote:
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com<ConstellationTalk%2540yahoogroups.com>>
Hi Thomas
After reading you explanation on the deeper purpose of bowing an
acknowledgment
and clarity lifted an experience that occurred in my constellation.
Thank you for the awakening
Deborah
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
coachuno%40gmail.com <coachuno%2540gmail.com>>From: coachuno@xxxxxxxxx <coachuno%40gmail.com> <mailto:
<mailto:tb%40thomas-bryson.de ;<tb%2540thomas-bryson.de>> >Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2010 07:13:34 -0500
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] Orders of Love revisited - bowing
Thomas,
Thank you!!
This is a very thoughtful and thought provoking piece and one I
shall need
to re-read several times and contemplate and digest its content.
Fondly,
Stephen
On Thu, Apr 15, 2010 at 01:47, Thomas Bryson
<tb@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<tb%40thomas-bryson.de>
tb%40thomas-bryson.de <tb%2540thomas-bryson.de>>wrote:
The deeper purpose of bowing has nothing to do with recognition,
acceptance or acknowledgment of the other. It is an inner process
for
the one who is bowing. It is a movement back into ourselves that
precedes a genuine encounter with the other. When we take a breath,
exhale and bow, we take a moment for ourselves alone, to move into
our
own field.
The so called 'orders of love' are an expression of the collective
field
of the pack within which humans live. We are constantly in the
fields of
others and through generations of conditioning for survival, have
learned to identify with these fields. We unconsciously define who
we
are by our relationships. That blind identification with the
'orders of
love' is the ego. This is the 'me' which we think we are. That
conditioned 'me' is the trance that we are in and from which we may
through grace awaken.
When we bow, we move out of the other person's trance and into our
own
field. It is a movement out of the conditioned 'orders of love'
and into
simple presence. To learn that we are that unconditioned presence
is the
essence of the spiritual search. Our own field is the space we
find in
meditation or in solitude. For instance, when Jesus spent 40 days
alone
in the desert, he found his own field - and learned that his field
and
the field of God were the same! That presence is love. It isn't
personal
and it isn't conditioned. It is the same for everyone, even though
each
person's expression of it is completely unique.
That presence is what the child is looking for from the parents.
When
that is not reflected back to the child, the child's deepest sense
of
Self stays unknown and the search may become rooted. When the
field of
the parents is too violent or when what is coming through the
parents is
overwhelming, the child turns away. In effect, the child bows to
find
his or her own field. It is the right thing for the child to do.
If the
child doesn't find presence, he or she may spend his or her whole
life
searching; becoming competent, polite, intelligent and skilled.
These
are the clients we see who have spent a lifetime in therapy, yoga,
spiritual retreats, esoteric understandings of the universe or
constellation workshops etc. But, there is still the longing for
connection with the deepest self - the deepest self that can be
found in
one simple bow.
When we bow, we separate from the field of the other to go into
our own
space. Our own space, without the conditioning of the 'orders of
love,'
is simple presence, love, consciousness itself. From this place
that we
all know, we can have a real encounter with the other from the
place of
presence. Then we can see, acknowledge and accept the other. The
self
sees the self in the context of presence, as presence.
All love,
Thomas Bryson
Facilitation, training and counseling by Skype
tb@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <tb%40thomas-bryson.de> <mailto:
<tb%40thomas-bryson.de>
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