Great point, Jen. In today's culture of gender fluidity, it seems there is
often a rush to validate feelings that could be the tip of an iceberg.
Marc S. Lazard
________________________________
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> on
behalf of Jen Altman jennifer@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [ConstellationTalk]
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Friday, February 2, 2018 6:11 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Re: Digest Number 2943
Thanks for opening up this topic! I'd like to give an example of family
'pressure' in gender identity from my own experience. I have written about this
once before on CT, so please forgive the repetition:
As a child growing up in the late 40s and early 50s, I felt very strongly I
should have been a boy not a girl, reflected in my choice of clothing, toys,
companions, etc. Sometime in my teens, I came to accept being female, tho I've
always been well in the middle of the male - female spectrum. In the very first
constellation I did (which was not at all about this issue), my 'grandfather'
said to my 'father', with whom he had many issues, "and you couldnt even
produce a boy!" I was the first born grandchild, my father was already 33 and 3
years after me, my sister was born. Hearing this, I realised that these
feelings of being the wrong sex had come from my grandfather's expectations and
disappointment. 11 years after I was born, 3 boys were born into the family (my
brother and two cousins), and another male cousin 18 months later. I understood
that this had satisfied my grandfather's needs and taken the pressure off me as
I came into puberty, allowing me to accept my womanhood. When I was a child, no
one talked about gender reassignment. I often wonder what I would have done if
I had been born 20 years later - and I wonder too what family issues lie
behind the sexual dysphoria expressed by children today? I would like to see
those who counsel young people on this issue do some systemic exploration with
them.
Warmly
Jen Altman
