Hello Daniela,
The daughters real need is to honor her mother's fate and destiny. She is
not meant to understand it or even to like it.
It helps to place representatives for the mother's own parents, and
oftentimes you see that the mother's inability to care for her daughters is
because she also lacked her own mother (the grandmother of the client).
This would be a basic move to start with, but, probably there are tough
systemic events around the family, that go further back in the lineages.
(Hellinger insisted, it is not sentiments what matters, but important
events in the past of the family).
If I were you, I would also investigate about the country, Iran, and what
happened when they left the country (economically, socially, politically,
etc). And about their religious inclination, and about their ethnic group
(there are several in Iran).
If you ask this information face to face to your client, you can feel and
sense where's the energy, by being present and observant. Most of the
times, the body, the face, the breathing, and the voice of the person
reveal where the energy is. Some facilitators even feel the energy in their
own body (as a weird sensation or a sudden feeling), when the client speaks
of the crucial event.
In a case like the one you described, I would get inclined to look for a
wider trauma--a social trauma. Anngwyn St Just has written about it in
several books.
I wish this helps you,
all the blessings,
Eugenio Ordóñez
On Mon, Jul 7, 2014 at 7:03 AM, daniela.terrile@xxxxxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Dear all
I have a question on a mother issue, and I ask your kind advice on how to
better treat my client
My client (woman) has spent the first 2 years of her childhood far from
mammy (in Iran) because mother wanted to finish studies and had no time for
her. Family (mother and father and daughter were living in Belgium (Europe)
This was an accidental birth and the mother decided (against the wish of
her husband) to send the child back to Iran to her grand parents
Once back to Belgian (where the family used to live) the child had a
normal life, 2 more sisters in the family were born.
At the age of 12 mother started to become depressive and the young girl
was involved in the family life (helping 2 sisters, preparing cooking and
managing the house).
At the age of 16 mother told the child that she had 'fun' with her father,
like they were in a couple, and the mother was very allusive to the fact
that the young daughter was the new 'partner' of her husband and that she
had stolen her place (as if she was his wife)
This was not true of course, and my client was responsible and felt
obliged to take care of the 2 sisters and of the house because she was the
elder
The couple split and got divorce sooner after
Father came back to Iran, and daughter is now married (26) to a young
Iranian man: both are happily living in BXL. Daughter has a wonderful
relationship with her father and once a year she is going to visit him in
Iran
We have done 1 constellation in a group, and it was clear that
relationship between daughter and mother is not good. My client is hating
her mother, and she cannot bear her life's style. She is screaming all the
time, yelling to her and they have nothing in common.
How to start the reconciliation movement? How to feel where the energy is?
Can you pls advice?
Thank you
Daniela
Daniela.terrile@xxxxxxxxx
