Jonine: Bringing in representatives for the part that wants to see and the
part that doesn¹t--- that is very a propos to this situation which was a
system shut down around the secret of the abuse. I wasn¹t very specific
about the presenting issue but it was that a son in early adulthood made
(according to the client) a false accusation of sexual abuse, and then left
the family never to return. He himself abused another sibling in childhood.
The family mourns his loss, while considering him as almost a bad seed who
for no known reason instigated all of this. In effect, his self-exclusion
protects their innocence. The client took the innocent victim position as
the accusation was directed towards her. In hindsight, setting up innocence
and guilt might also have helped to bring into awareness the way these
forces are at play in that system. The discomfort is that for fifteen years
neither innocence or guilt has ever landed. Alison
On 6/13/07 1:02 AM, Jonine Lee at satoribreath@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
dear all,
this is a valuable conversation, I have never experienced the need but
wonderful
to hear different ways of looking at and handling such a situation....
I have experienced
a situation where in a family constellation two sisters were felt they had
been
abused by their father, they urged the eldest sister (client anorexic/bulimic)
to move away from dad
come to them see what had happened....she couldn't no matter that they ended
up at her feet please
see what has happened.....she kept saying I don't know what you are talking
about I
cant see anything....I asked her if there was a part of her that might be able
to see, she said perhaps
and I asked permission to bring in that part of her, I had this other part
stand with her back to back
then turned them around with the part facing the sisters she just began to sob
hands on their head
its ok I know, its ok I know, the other part (client) sobbed also but said
nothing, I asked her if she wanted to face the part that knows.....no I
don't.... that's all I want to know......she rang sometime later
and said she had felt more peaceful, was still low weight but said perhaps
when dad goes (dies) I can
nurture myself some more and relax...
These are wonderful thoughts from all to take into my next few days....send
your loving thoughts
to a group in Sydney
Also would someone be kind enough to explain how a blind fold constellation is
done I have not experienced ?
Many thanks,
Jonine
----- Original Message -----
From: Alison Rose Levy
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2007 12:00 PM
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] stopping a constellation
Hi!
I¹d love to hear from any of you who have had to ³stop² a constellation
either because it felt as though there was no permission from the family, or
because the set-up seemed somehow compromised. I would love to know both
your criteria for doing that, as well as your view of what is occurring at
those times.
This happened to me for the first time (after facilitating for a number of
years) at a workshop yesterday.
The problem presented described a deeply divided and suffering family, with
some kind of painful secret, yet the constellation set up by the client
presented what appeared more like a ³staged² picture of ³one big happy
family,² that was very incongruent with the information shared in the
interview. All representatives reported feeling ³okay² where they were. No
one experienced anything else. There was an overall shallowness of affect.
The only tell-tale aspects were that in a workshop with a number of women
participants young and old, the client selected as a representative for her
thirty-something daughter, (the youngest of the family¹s children)< the
oldest woman in the room. Also for the designated ³symptom bearer² the
client selected a participant new to constellations who all throughout the
workshop consistently reported that he experienced no feelings whatsoever
when he represented. Thus he provided no entrée into the experience of that
particular key family member.
The set up featured all the children as satellites orbiting around the
central dyad of the parental relationship which indicated that all the
family energy was directed towards supporting that. However, the client,
when questioned, reported a happy marriage with no former partners nor any
known entanglements that would lead to marital disharmony.
I ended the constellation because the set-up felt incongruent, and I found
no opening with the representatives. I said that I had no permission to work
with the system and I asked the client to contemplate who was at risk if the
status quo continues.
After the fact, it occurred to me that perhaps I might have moved the
children out of orbit and into new positions< to see what happened. But in
the moment, it felt as though any movement would be an imposition onto a
system organized to conceal rather than reveal the secret.
Comments?
Alison
Alison Rose Levy
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