Hello all,
With much interest I've been logging on to Constellation Talk for the past
year. I feel compelled to jump in on this topic, particularly in response to
Francesca's lovely contribution. I recently had an experience at a
workshop/training weekend with Fran where my "birth trauma" issue
was laid to rest in an unexpected way. The issue I presented had to do with
fear of intimacy which has caused me to remain aloof in various ways most of my
life. Fran had me choose representatives for myself and for sexual, emotional
and conversational intimacy. (I hope you don't
mind my sharing this snapshot of your work, Fran). The key movement in the
constellation involved the reps for conversational and emotional intimacy
revealing themselves to be mother and infant child in that order. The rep for
sexual intimacy stood warmly and confidently beside my
rep the whole time, looking onto the "nativity scene" before them. As Fran
encouraged me to take this in, particularly to hear the soft cooing sounds
emiting from the mother, I knew that my mother, as ill as she was at my birth,
had provided exactly what this infant needed. In that
moment the story of "what I didn't get" evaporated.
In gratitude,
Marie Powers
francescamasonboring wrote:
Thank you Cristina, Dan & others for encouraging the most natural
resolution to an infant's cry. I respect the other suggestions as
well & have seen positive effects of both cranial-sacral and Bach
flower remedies with infants.
Encouraged by how supportive the contributors are in this
conversation and how brave people are about sharing what they have
personally seen and experienced or learned it seems a good time to be
open.
The topic of birth trauma, and the re-introduction of breast feeding
into western society has reminded me of a story. First, I will
acknowledge that the perspective I am about to share may be incorrect
in western academic terms. But, it is another way that some people
see the world.
At times I am fortunate to speak with Native Elders and consider them
to be my most available teachers, although I have been fortunate to
learn from many teachers, (no small number involved in this Chat). I
spoke with one Elder regarding birth trauma and she was so intrigued
that she took the discussion to a Native Senior Center. In an
informal discussion they determined that there had never been birth
trauma in Indian country as far as they knew because for Native
people the way that you are born and the way that you die...are
perfect. Both are gifts from the Creator. (She reported her
conclusive findings to me. I have always loved the way that Elders
speak empirically without reference to text. "It is just so.")
Now, I will share a true story: I once heard a little girl
approaching a Native Elder at a gathering about her own "birth
trauma". The Elder was sitting under a tree, as they often do- just
to be available, and I was within ear shot. The Elder told her, "Oh,
yes. I remember when you were born. I knew your Mother since she
was born.
When you were born, Death came. And, Death wanted to take you and
your Mama both. And your Mama argued with Death. And she said to
Death, "You should let us stay here." Your Mom argued and she told
Death, "I don't think you should take my little girl now. My little
girl will do good things in this world, and I will tell people that
it is because you let her stay. And, if you let me stay, I will take
good care of this little girl who will do good things and I will let
people know that you did something for the world when you let us stay
on the Earth."
The Elder told the little girl, "Your Mom argued with Death for a
long time, with all her strength, and she won the argument!" "And
that is why you are here today. And sometime, when you grow up and
have a husband, you will have to be kind, because when you were being
born you heard all of this argument, and you learned how your Mama
won the argument with Death. So, your husband will have a very hard
time winning an argument with you. You might have to be kind and
sometimes let him win."
The little girl left the Elder and went to play with the other
children, (no doubt wanting to share her story) really proud that she
was alive and knowing that there had been an agreement that she would
make something of her life.
I know it terms of Western Psychology this may be wrong at many
levels. But it has had me wonder at times, how much of the trauma is
the story with which we define the trauma- how much is the trauma
sustained by family & cultural propaganda? (i.e.: The Doctor was a
butcher!..."You almost killed your mother!"..."My mother was
completely unprepared for my birth"...."I was not a wished for
child"...) Where is the element of community/destiny in the story?
Thank you for helping me to remember.
All My Relations,
Francesca
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