A beautiful story, thank you Francesca and a strong reminder that it isn't
what happens to us that matters but how we make meaning of it. I don't think
I over-generalise when I say that in the West there is a lot of fear around
the process of birth and death and it is hard not to get caught up in that,
particularly in a hospital environment.
I was fortunate that both of my children were born with ease and, unlike
many people I've talked to, I recall both those experiences with great joy
and satisfaction but I also remember very clearly when my daughter got food
poisoning at the age of around 18 months and her life was in danger. I was
full of fear - grace and acceptance were both a long way off. Maybe now, 26
years on, with many more beautiful experiences of both birth and death to
draw on, I would find grace in such a situation. I don't know. I am to be a
grandmother in June for the first time. I sure hope so.
Barbara
On Jan 9, 2008 7:55 PM, francescamasonboring <sboring@xxxxxxxx> wrote:
Thank you Cristina, Dan & others for encouraging the most natural
resolution to an infant's cry. I respect the other suggestions as
well & have seen positive effects of both cranial-sacral and Bach
flower remedies with infants.
Encouraged by how supportive the contributors are in this
conversation and how brave people are about sharing what they have
personally seen and experienced or learned it seems a good time to be
open.
The topic of birth trauma, and the re-introduction of breast feeding
into western society has reminded me of a story. First, I will
acknowledge that the perspective I am about to share may be incorrect
in western academic terms. But, it is another way that some people
see the world.
At times I am fortunate to speak with Native Elders and consider them
to be my most available teachers, although I have been fortunate to
learn from many teachers, (no small number involved in this Chat). I
spoke with one Elder regarding birth trauma and she was so intrigued
that she took the discussion to a Native Senior Center. In an
informal discussion they determined that there had never been birth
trauma in Indian country as far as they knew because for Native
people the way that you are born and the way that you die...are
perfect. Both are gifts from the Creator. (She reported her
conclusive findings to me. I have always loved the way that Elders
speak empirically without reference to text. "It is just so.")
Now, I will share a true story: I once heard a little girl
approaching a Native Elder at a gathering about her own "birth
trauma". The Elder was sitting under a tree, as they often do- just
to be available, and I was within ear shot. The Elder told her, "Oh,
yes. I remember when you were born. I knew your Mother since she
was born.
When you were born, Death came. And, Death wanted to take you and
your Mama both. And your Mama argued with Death. And she said to
Death, "You should let us stay here." Your Mom argued and she told
Death, "I don't think you should take my little girl now. My little
girl will do good things in this world, and I will tell people that
it is because you let her stay. And, if you let me stay, I will take
good care of this little girl who will do good things and I will let
people know that you did something for the world when you let us stay
on the Earth."
The Elder told the little girl, "Your Mom argued with Death for a
long time, with all her strength, and she won the argument!" "And
that is why you are here today. And sometime, when you grow up and
have a husband, you will have to be kind, because when you were being
born you heard all of this argument, and you learned how your Mama
won the argument with Death. So, your husband will have a very hard
time winning an argument with you. You might have to be kind and
sometimes let him win."
The little girl left the Elder and went to play with the other
children, (no doubt wanting to share her story) really proud that she
was alive and knowing that there had been an agreement that she would
make something of her life.
I know it terms of Western Psychology this may be wrong at many
levels. But it has had me wonder at times, how much of the trauma is
the story with which we define the trauma- how much is the trauma
sustained by family & cultural propaganda? (i.e.: The Doctor was a
butcher!..."You almost killed your mother!"..."My mother was
completely unprepared for my birth"...."I was not a wished for
child"...) Where is the element of community/destiny in the story?
Thank you for helping me to remember.
All My Relations,
Francesca
