Isn't that the truth in modern society, a consequence of industrialization (and
much more), that "we" tend to look only at the problem and not the gift ...with
love and light. (Industrialism taught society the value of fixing problems and
finding what is broken to keep the machines running to serve the cause). I
prefer looking at life with love and light and seeing the beauty in all
things...just as this story and others are showing. For this reason, sometimes
I set up constellations to "see" the strength in a system, the good in a system
that might be hidden, and NOT focus on the intensity of the entanglement. By
seeing the good, the entanglement can melt. (The methodology is blending
Appreciative Inquiry with SCW....try it you might like it!) Not to say that
the love and light is sometimes blocked by something that needs to be
acknowledged and healed so the love and light can shine. It works both ways.
Lisa Marie Main
----- Original Message -----
From: Julie Toms-Arbel<mailto:j.toms2@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
To:
ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Friday, January 11, 2008 6:00 AM
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] The Story of birth trauma
What a beautiful story, Thank you.
It reminds me of something that happened after my first child was born when I
was 19 years old.
My son was born with a physical disability and we were surrounded by friends
and family who were shocked and upset by his condition. Hardly anyone
congratulated me and my husband all except one extraordinary individual who was
an elder from our community. She came to visit us in hospital and literally
knelt on her knees before our son, (like one of the 3 kings she brought a
gift). She told us that we had been blessed with a very beautiful child who had
a very special fate. She said that he had taken this on because others could
not. When she held his little twisted feet in her hands she cried and said his
feet were the feet of angels, 'they do not want to touch the earth.'
From that moment on all was well. It was a picture that etched its way into
our souls.
It's been really lovely for me to retell this story
Thank you
Julie Toms-Arbel
Original Message -----
From: Barbara Morgan
To:
ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Friday, January 11, 2008 12:06 AM
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] The Story of birth trauma
A beautiful story, thank you Francesca and a strong reminder that it isn't
what happens to us that matters but how we make meaning of it. I don't think
I over-generalise when I say that in the West there is a lot of fear around
the process of birth and death and it is hard not to get caught up in that,
particularly in a hospital environment.
I was fortunate that both of my children were born with ease and, unlike
many people I've talked to, I recall both those experiences with great joy
and satisfaction but I also remember very clearly when my daughter got food
poisoning at the age of around 18 months and her life was in danger. I was
full of fear - grace and acceptance were both a long way off. Maybe now, 26
years on, with many more beautiful experiences of both birth and death to
draw on, I would find grace in such a situation. I don't know. I am to be a
grandmother in June for the first time. I sure hope so.
Barbara
On Jan 9, 2008 7:55 PM, francescamasonboring
<sboring@xxxxxxxx<mailto:sboring%40plix.com>> wrote:
> Thank you Cristina, Dan & others for encouraging the most natural
> resolution to an infant's cry. I respect the other suggestions as
> well & have seen positive effects of both cranial-sacral and Bach
> flower remedies with infants.
>
> Encouraged by how supportive the contributors are in this
> conversation and how brave people are about sharing what they have
> personally seen and experienced or learned it seems a good time to be
> open.
>
> The topic of birth trauma, and the re-introduction of breast feeding
> into western society has reminded me of a story. First, I will
> acknowledge that the perspective I am about to share may be incorrect
> in western academic terms. But, it is another way that some people
> see the world.
>
> At times I am fortunate to speak with Native Elders and consider them
> to be my most available teachers, although I have been fortunate to
> learn from many teachers, (no small number involved in this Chat). I
> spoke with one Elder regarding birth trauma and she was so intrigued
> that she took the discussion to a Native Senior Center. In an
> informal discussion they determined that there had never been birth
> trauma in Indian country as far as they knew because for Native
> people the way that you are born and the way that you die...are
> perfect. Both are gifts from the Creator. (She reported her
> conclusive findings to me. I have always loved the way that Elders
> speak empirically without reference to text. "It is just so.")
>
> Now, I will share a true story: I once heard a little girl
> approaching a Native Elder at a gathering about her own "birth
> trauma". The Elder was sitting under a tree, as they often do- just
> to be available, and I was within ear shot. The Elder told her, "Oh,
> yes. I remember when you were born. I knew your Mother since she
> was born.
>
> When you were born, Death came. And, Death wanted to take you and
> your Mama both. And your Mama argued with Death. And she said to
> Death, "You should let us stay here." Your Mom argued and she told
> Death, "I don't think you should take my little girl now. My little
> girl will do good things in this world, and I will tell people that
> it is because you let her stay. And, if you let me stay, I will take
> good care of this little girl who will do good things and I will let
> people know that you did something for the world when you let us stay
> on the Earth."
>
> The Elder told the little girl, "Your Mom argued with Death for a
> long time, with all her strength, and she won the argument!" "And
> that is why you are here today. And sometime, when you grow up and
> have a husband, you will have to be kind, because when you were being
> born you heard all of this argument, and you learned how your Mama
> won the argument with Death. So, your husband will have a very hard
> time winning an argument with you. You might have to be kind and
> sometimes let him win."
>
> The little girl left the Elder and went to play with the other
> children, (no doubt wanting to share her story) really proud that she
> was alive and knowing that there had been an agreement that she would
> make something of her life.
>
> I know it terms of Western Psychology this may be wrong at many
> levels. But it has had me wonder at times, how much of the trauma is
> the story with which we define the trauma- how much is the trauma
> sustained by family & cultural propaganda? (i.e.: The Doctor was a
> butcher!..."You almost killed your mother!"..."My mother was
> completely unprepared for my birth"...."I was not a wished for
> child"...) Where is the element of community/destiny in the story?
> Thank you for helping me to remember.
>
> All My Relations,
> Francesca
>
>
>
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