Dear Vinay and All -
In reflecting on this thread, what comes to me is the distinction between
preference and power. A few months ago, we did a conceptual Constellation on
the theme of a woman's loneliness. She stood in front of two
representatives, one who embodied "I accept you," the other "I reject you."
As this unfolded, the representatives become identified with archetypal
figures. First, was Mother/Father. "I accept you." "I reject you." Then,
they became human respiration, the breath, where "I accept you" was for
oxygen and "I reject you" for carbon dioxide. We could feel how every bite
of food (and everything chewable, but not put in the mouth) also passes
through a filter: accept/reject. The woman stood there, passively being
accepted or rejected by the entire universe. Then, she expressed herself.
She rejected her mother, accepted her mother, accepted her lover, rejected
her lover, and so on. This process illuminated her experience of
loneliness.
In this context, exclusion is a universal quality of human existence. We all
breath the same air. We all have a mother and father whom we alternately and
imperfectly accept and reject. We all choose to eat certain foods and spit
out others. Everyone has preferences.
What is more varied among us are our powers. In English speaking societies,
as a general rule, men have more power than women, money gives power,
lighter colored skin is preferred over darker, the prime years of adulthood
are given advantages over the very young and very aged, English as a first
language is valued above being multilingual.
In the worldview of Constellations articulated by Hellinger, everyone who
belongs to a system is entitled to their rightful place. In families,
membership is a birthright. In social systems, membership is dependent on
preference and power. Everyone who belongs may be entitled to their rightful
place, but not an equal place. Belonging and place is at the discretion of
others.
In our relationships, whether personal or collegial, we negotiate the right
to be positioned in the system. The negotiation may be mutual and accepting
or it may be unilateral and rejecting.
"I felt powerless in the face being excluded without any possibility of
discussion." When I read this sentence, it brings up memories of my early
years of training with Hellinger.
Dan
Dan Booth Cohen, PhD
2013 US Systemic Constellations Conference, October 10-13, Seattle, WA
<http://constellateus.com/conference2013/>
Seeing with the Heart: Training in Mastering Intutitive Perception
<http://hiddensolution.com/training/>
<http://www.hiddensolution.com/> www.HiddenSolution.com
781-718-7158
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Steve Vinay Gunther
Sent: Thursday, January 23, 2014 2:01 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Exclusion
I am writing about a topic that's a little difficult.
In the constellation ethos, exclusion is understood, generally, to be a
source of entanglements.
One of the things I have really valued about the constellation community
itself is the degree of inclusiveness that is widely exhibited. So many
different facilitators, with their different styles, yet there seems to be a
general ability to get along. This open, field-oriented inclusiveness is
something I find a bit special, and sets the constellation community apart
in my experience.
However, recently I was dismayed to find an unmistakable example of
exclusion on the peer level in one area of the constellation community. This
experience was rapidly and clearly confirmed, and the gate to dialogue was
shut down completely.
Now, in the realm of human experience, people engage in all sorts of
behaviours, for their own reasons, and obviously influenced by their own
field. But I thought to raise it, as perhaps its a difficult thing to
discuss exclusionary behaviour within our own community, by people who hold
certain positions, in roles of some power and influence.
I certainly felt impacted by it, and somewhat powerless in the face being
excluded without any possibility of discussion.
I am interested in other's reflections on this issue. I guess that given the
high valance given to the topic, somewhere it will form a disowned shadow.
Vinay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rest in natural great peace
this exhausted mind
beaten helplessly by
karma and neurotic thought
like the relentless fury
of the pounding waves
In the infinite ocean
of samsara.
rest in natural great peace.
- Nyoshul Khenpo Rinpoche
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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