Chris, see what I wrote in previous email, and thank you for the privilege
of seeing my mother in a very new light-it has really changed my life-at
least for now! HaHa! Hopefully the video will be posted today. It's ready
but too big still for You tube so I've made alternative arrangements., And
thank you Chris for the mindfulness with which you teach us to look at life.
Fondly Liz
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Chris Walsh
Sent: Sunday, August 21, 2011 9:01 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] Re: Bowing Note--Gesture Doesn't Equal or
Create Feeling
Hi all,
Isn't it amazing that the simple bow hold so much meaning and so much
subtlety! That is what makes it such a powerful constellation ritual. That
is also why we need to be wary of it becoming a trite formulaic empty ritual
- a mechanical procedure. When we really understand the bow as per the
discussion here that is much less likely. Personally I like to save the bow
for special moments. I am likely to use the bow in one out of three
constellations even though I use the principles embodied in the bow several
times in every constellation.
I would highly recommend Jakob Schneider's writing on the topic p148-151 in
his book "Family Constellations - Basic Principles and Practice. He
encourages a mindful approach that respects any resistance in the
representative. I find that phenomenologically exploring this place of
resistance often allows a healing movement to spontaneously appear.
I would also like to thank Liz for bringing to the attention of the group my
ideas about the connection between the bow, healthy shame and genuine
humility. This is a theme that I will continue to develop. It can only be
understood experientially when a person has a highly developed non
judgemental awareness. This is because the experience of dampening/shame
causes the mind to become foggy which makes awareness very difficult. Fake
humility is achieved by effort of will alone - an effort to be or appear to
be humble. Genuine humility is willing rather than wilful. It is willing to
listen to the emotion of dampening/shame. Because of the foggy mind this
listening is a quite evolved faculty that is only rarely mastered.
Another problem is that many people find the idea of healthy shame extremely
difficult to stomach as they or someone in their family system has been
chronically and toxically humiliated. So then it is good to remember that a
person needs to be able to stand up before they can bow. That is the first
move.
It is my belief that it is crucial for the advancement of this work that we
all understand how to cultivate healthy humility. It keeps us all grounded
(humus is Latin for ground) With a strong connection to the ground we can
stay simultaneously strong and flexible. We can respect other grounded
modalities while still claiming an appropriate place for constellation work.
We can explore all that constellation work has to offer without being
seduced by grandiosity. In other words we can still have fun and not take
ourselves too seriously J but still take ourselves seriously enough.
hasta la vista
Chris Walsh
Specialist Suite 6
Bromham Place
Behind The Melbourne Clinic
130 Church St, Richmond, 3121
(Melbourne, Australia)
ph: +61 (0)3 9487 4647
fax: +61 (0)3 9487 4646
web: <http://www.cwalsh.com.au/> www.cwalsh.com.au
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com> ] On Behalf Of Dan
Sent: Sunday, 21 August 2011 10:12 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Re: Bowing Note--Gesture Doesn't Equal or
Create Feeling
Dear Robert and All,
This reminds me of the dramatic Constellation in Washington, DC where Bert
Hellinger punched a client who refused to bow to his father. The
Constellation had progressed to the point where the client, the rep for the
father, and Hellinger were standing at the front of the stage. Hellinger
directed the client to bow. The client did not move. After repeating the
instructions, Hellinger had the rep sit down and stood representing the
father. He repeated the instruction once more. When the client still balked,
Hellinger's fist shot out and stuck the client violently in the chest. I do
not clearly recall what happened, except for my fear that the two were about
to brawl on the stage. No further punches were thrown and the Constellation
ended soon after.
Personally, it was an important moment in my evolution as a facilitator, and
perhaps partially explains why I rarely instruct clients to bow at the end
of a Constellation.
Hellinger is the father of Family Constellations. Like many fathers, his
public outbursts have sometimes shamed or embarrassed his children. Some
emulate and strive to be like him. Others recoil and strive to disassociate
from him. Between those who bow and lavish him with praise and those who
criticize and move away, there is a tension that feels like sibling
conflict.
Dan
--- In ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com>
<mailto:ConstellationTalk%40yahoogroups.com> , Robert Grant <erebees@...>
wrote:
Dear Michael and Friends,
Michael your contribution to the discussion reminded me of some less
than helpful experiences with bowing. Notwithstanding the tremendous
healing potential of the bowing act unfortunately in Europe at least
it is still not uncommon to run into authoritarian facilitators who
may from time to time force the bow. As a general principle gentle
suggestion / invitation and not clinging to outcomes seems to me a
very important principle in the facilitation process, especially with
powerful acts like bowing.
Kind regards to all,
Robert
