Thank you Sheila. I agree. What prompted the question is I had talked to
someone a year ago about getting involved in a recovery program, which never
happened. I saw an opportunity again this week and was wondering whether to
pursue it.
I remember one constellation where generations back a boy was molested by his
uncle. His father found out and killed the uncle and the boy was not allowed to
talk about it. He became an alcoholic, and so did his son and grandson, who was
the client's father, and the client married an alcoholic.
I guess what I meant by success was working within a program and being accepted
by the counselors and directors of the program.
Diane Yankelevitz
----- Original Message -----
From: sheila saunders
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Friday, January 07, 2005 11:23 AM
Subject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] alcoholism
I have not worked specifically with someone regarding alcoholism. However,
this question "Has anyone had experience or success with..." is to my mind, 2
completely separate questions. Many facilitators have worked with alcolholic
clients. Bert has worked with so many in fact, that he was able to provide the
general observation that "alcoholics miss their father". I see alcoholism as
just another symptom like "I can't keep a job" or "I've always felt depressed",
and would work on it within the constellation of the family. As far as
"success" goes, I feel my attachment to "helping" or "changing" someone when I
find myself thinking in those terms. I have no idea what "success" means to
anyone, and I approach a constellation only with a spirit of discovery. How
the discovered information may be used in the workings of another's life, is
beyond what I actively explore. Sometimes a former client lets me know, and I
do invite them to do so after a time passes, and if they feel so inclined. I
consider myself succcessful in this work when I remain attentive to "what is",
to what is being revealed by the field. I feel successful when I have had the
courage to say what I see. I feel successful when a group gathers together in
which I can show the strength and integrity of this work.
I found one reference to alcoholism in Bert's book Supporting Love, :
Participant: My husband is an alcoholic. I can't stay with someone who
threatens me and is dependent on alcohol.
Hellinger: Yes, I think you're right. When one partner has a problem, such
as alcoholism, he or she can't demand that the partner stay. He or she has to
carry the consequences. If you confront him with the problem and say, "I'm
leaving the alcohol problem with you and I'm going," perhaps he can change. He
will carry the responsibility alone and get strength from that. It won't help
him for you to stay with him.
Just a few thoughts, Diane.
All the best in the New Year!! sheila
Sheila Saunders, RN, MFT
Systemic Family Solutions
sheila@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
www.systemicfamilysolutions.com
Great Smokies Medical Center of Asheville
1312 Patton Ave. Asheville, NC. 28806
828-273-5015
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