Dear Diane,
I want to give just some ideas of mine. I do not work often with the subject
of alcohol. But when it comes I find it useful in the constellation to give a
sentence what the alcohol does good to someone. F. e:Drinking helps me not to
feel my pain/my anger/my guilt (and so on).Or if somebody becomes violent with
alcohol: Drinking helps me to come out with my anger. Or: I drunk myself to
death. So I try to find the right context and by naming it, it becomes a
little relief and more understandable.
Bertold Thank you Sheila. I agree. What prompted the question is I had talked
to someone a year ago about getting involved in a recovery program, which never
happened. I saw an opportunity again this week and was wondering whether to
pursue it. I remember one constellation where generations back a boy was
molested by his uncle. His father found out and killed the uncle and the boy
was not allowed to talk about it. He became an alcoholic, and so did his son
and grandson, who was the client's father, and the client married an alcoholic.
I guess what I meant by success was working within a program and being
accepted by the counselors and directors of the program. Diane Yankelevitz-----
Original Message ----- From: sheila saunders To:
ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Sent: Friday, January 07, 2005 11:23
AMSubject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] alcoholism
I have not worked specifically with someone regarding alcoholism. However, this
question "Has anyone had experience or success with..." is to my mind, 2
completely separate questions. Many facilitators have worked with alcolholic
clients. Bert has worked with so many in fact, that he was able to provide the
general observation that "alcoholics miss their father". I see alcoholism as
just another symptom like "I can't keep a job" or "I've always felt depressed",
and would work on it within the constellation of the family. As far as
"success" goes, I feel my attachment to "helping" or "changing" someone when I
find myself thinking in those terms. I have no idea what "success" means to
anyone, and I approach a constellation only with a spirit of discovery. How
the discovered information may be used in the workings of another's life, is
beyond what I actively explore. Sometimes a former client lets me know, and I
do invite them to do so after a time passes, and if they feel so inclined. I
consider myself succcessful in this work when I remain attentive to "what is",
to what is being revealed by the field. I feel successful when I have had the
courage to say what I see. I feel successful when a group gathers together in
which I can show the strength and integrity of this work.I found one reference
to alcoholism in Bert's book Supporting Love, : Participant: My husband is an
alcoholic. I can't stay with someone who threatens me and is dependent on
alcohol. Hellinger: Yes, I think you're right. When one partner has a problem,
such as alcoholism, he or she can't demand that the partner stay. He or she
has to carry the consequences. If you confront him with the problem and say,
"I'm leaving the alcohol problem with you and I'm going," perhaps he can
change. He will carry the responsibility alone and get strength from that. It
won't help him for you to stay with him. Just a few thoughts, Diane.All the
best in the New Year!! sheilaSheila Saunders, RN, MFT Systemic Family Solutions
sheila@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx www.systemicfamilysolutions.comGreat Smokies
Medical Center of Asheville1312 Patton Ave. Asheville, NC. 28806 828-273-5015
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Dr. Bertold Ulsamer Runzstr. 48 79102 Freiburg
