T-Online eMailThank you Bertold. Thank you very much.
----- Original Message -----
From: bertold.ulsamer@xxxxxxxxxxx
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Monday, January 10, 2005 9:59 AM
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] alcoholism
Dear Diane,
I want to give just some ideas of mine. I do not work often with the subject
of alcohol. But when it comes I find it useful in the constellation to give a
sentence what the alcohol does good to someone.
F. e:"Drinking helps me not to feel my pain/my anger/my guilt" (and so on).
Or if somebody becomes violent with alcohol: "Drinking helps me to come out
with my anger." Or: "I drunk myself to death." So I try to find the right
context and by naming it, it becomes a little relief and more understandable.
Bertold
Thank you Sheila. I agree. What prompted the question is I had talked to
someone a year ago about getting involved in a recovery program, which never
happened. I saw an opportunity again this week and was wondering whether to
pursue it.
I remember one constellation where generations back a boy was molested by
his uncle. His father found out and killed the uncle and the boy was not
allowed to talk about it. He became an alcoholic, and so did his son and
grandson, who was the client's father, and the client married an alcoholic.
I guess what I meant by success was working within a program and being
accepted by the counselors and directors of the program.
Diane Yankelevitz
----- Original Message -----
From: sheila saunders
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Friday, January 07, 2005 11:23 AM
Subject: RE: [ConstellationTalk] alcoholism
I have not worked specifically with someone regarding alcoholism.
However, this question "Has anyone had experience or success with..." is to my
mind, 2 completely separate questions. Many facilitators have worked with
alcolholic clients. Bert has worked with so many in fact, that he was able to
provide the general observation that "alcoholics miss their father". I see
alcoholism as just another symptom like "I can't keep a job" or "I've always
felt depressed", and would work on it within the constellation of the family.
As far as "success" goes, I feel my attachment to "helping" or "changing"
someone when I find myself thinking in those terms. I have no idea what
"success" means to anyone, and I approach a constellation only with a spirit of
discovery. How the discovered information may be used in the workings of
another's life, is beyond what I actively explore. Sometimes a former client
lets me know, and I do invite them to do so after a time passes, and if they
feel so inclined. I consider myself succcessful in this work when I remain
attentive to "what is", to what is being revealed by the field. I feel
successful when I have had the courage to say what I see. I feel successful
when a group gathers together in which I can show the strength and integrity of
this work.
I found one reference to alcoholism in Bert's book Supporting Love, :
Participant: My husband is an alcoholic. I can't stay with someone who
threatens me and is dependent on alcohol.
Hellinger: Yes, I think you're right. When one partner has a problem,
such as alcoholism, he or she can't demand that the partner stay. He or she
has to carry the consequences. If you confront him with the problem and say,
"I'm leaving the alcohol problem with you and I'm going," perhaps he can
change. He will carry the responsibility alone and get strength from that. It
won't help him for you to stay with him.
Just a few thoughts, Diane.
All the best in the New Year!! sheila
Sheila Saunders, RN, MFT
Systemic Family Solutions
sheila@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
www.systemicfamilysolutions.com
Great Smokies Medical Center of Asheville
1312 Patton Ave. Asheville, NC. 28806
828-273-5015
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