Here are some notes I pulled from Love's Own Truth on alcoholism & addiction I thought you all might find to be interesting.
As a mother, she has an incontestable right to see her child, and the right must be respected. But the childs well-being has precedence over her rights. As long as she is addicted, there is a certain danger for the child, so one has to consider what the most sensible solution would be for the child. When shes cured of her addiction, theres no longer any objection to her visiting the child.
One reason people become addicted is when a mother says to her child: Everything that comes from your father is worthless. You must take only from me. Then the child takes so much from the mother that it does harm. In this pattern, addiction is the childs revenge on the mother because she prevented the child from taking from the father.
The child takes so much food and drink from the mother that she harms herself. Thats addiction, when a person takes so much more than is needed that he or she is harmed. Thats why addicts should be treated only by men. Women are not capable of it, unless they really respect the addicts father. If they do, they may be able to represent him.
What if the father is an addict? A. If the mother wants to help her son, she can say to him, I love your father in you, and its okay with me if you are like him. The effect is strange. For if the father is respected in the son, the son doesnt need to become an alcoholic. The procedure is directly contrary to what often happens in practice.
Imagine that your addicted parent is lying on the floor drunk and the spouse looking on helplessly. Go lie down beside her and look at her with love.
Life-endangering addictions, for example, heroin addictions, are sometimes concealed attempts to commit suicide.
The mother of an addicted child very often despises her husband and lets the child know that nothing good can come from the father, but only from the mother. When this happens, the child takes so much from the mother that its harmful. Addiction is the childs revenge on her mother for not allowing her to take from her father. Ive actually seen some addictions cured if the father, as well as the mother, is allowed to give to the child and the child takes from the father while the mother watches.
Hes just as important to me as you are, and I take from him everything he gives me, just as I do from you. Im a ______ (say last name). Its very difficult to do authentically with love, and it takes a lot of courage.
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- From: "sheila saunders" <peacefulcentre@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2005 02:28:47 +0000
Back to the issue of alcoholism for a moment; I recently saw the following constellation at a workshop facilitated by Stephan Hausner:
A woman had done a constellation the previous day regarding depression and dissatisfaction in her work of facilitating workshops on leadership and change. Her father had died of esophageal cancer due to alcoholism. Resolution had to do with honoring father and what bonds him to his family, and turning from him to her work. Stephan suggested she place a photo of him in her office for a while, and when depression comes, to allow herself to have a father. The next day after lunch, she raised her hand emphatically when Stephan opened the floor to those who wanted to work. Here is how it went:
Woman: I want to work now on the issue of my alcoholism.
Stephan: You? Again? You want to solve it? Really? Then in the future, you only drink out of one glass and on this glass you put a photo of your dad. And before you take each sip, you look in the eyes of your dad, and then, you enjoy...It needs a little bit of discipline, but it helps.
Woman: Nods, and quietly says "Thank you."
all the best, sheila
Sheila Saunders, RN, MFT Systemic Family Solutions sheila@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx www.systemicfamilysolutions.com Great Smokies Medical Center of Asheville 1312 Patton Ave. Asheville, NC. 28806 828-273-5015
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